Ponderings of an Odd Mind

http://www.thepoachedegg.net/the-poached-egg/2010/09/bono-interview-grace-over-karma.html

2011-02-24T15:03:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine just posted this on Facebook. Bono gives a great depiction of God and Christ and how Grace trumps Karma!

http://www.thepoachedegg.net/the-poached-egg/2010/09/bono-interview-grace-over-karma.html

Where Sin Abides

2011-01-14T00:29:00.002-07:00

I watched most of an episode of "American Masters" last night. It's a show that profiles someone famous, and last night I watched Jeff Bridges. I don't know how, but his seemingly most famous role is in The Big Labowski, and one of the famous lines quoted by Sam Elliot is, "The Dude Abides..." It's so famous, and penitrating, that when Jeff Bridges formed a band after his role in "Crazy Heart", he decided to call it The Abiders.
I have to admit, I quite enjoy that movie. I love The Dude.

That show I watched, along with a great FB conversation I've been having with a friend have inspired me to write again. It's not the BIG thing I'd been camping on a while ago that I'd alluded to, but I think it's still worthy of an "Odd Thought".

I LOVE JESUS!

It's no secret that I'm a Christian. It is also no secret that I enjoy 'the drink'. Most who know me also know that I am lazy - not just lazy by Christian standards (but, who can live up to Christian - the religious ones, I mean - standards, anyway???), but when compared to many, I'm pretty lazy. I love to do what I want to do, WHEN I want to do it. I'm so passive in my doing that my sister has often told people that I have horseshoes up my ass b/c I don't do anything, yet I still succeed. Call it my Spiritual gift... the only way I can explain it is b/c God blesses me! :)

You know, I want to be perfect. I really want to live up to what the Bible says I CAN be. But, truthfully, I cannot MAKE any of that happen. When I TRY to be effective or efficient, I get depressed. Those around me suffer. I can't count how many times I've failed in business or relationships when TRYING to do something other than what I AM. Of course, there are many times that I don't do what I want to do, when I want to do it; and, of course, I get depressed, and those around me suffer, too (I guess there's being lazy, then there's being LAZY!). But, I guess my point is, that I've got to be who I AM.
While "The Dude" was not someone any of us aspire to be like, The Big Labowski really makes a point of being true to one's self. Though, I know I'm not perfect (yet, aspire to be... kinda), I know that I AM Beloved. Jesus' death and resurrection has conquered sin. It's because of that LOVE that I know I can stand before GOD ALMIGHTY and know that I am PERFECT in His eyes. I have no fear of His anger or disapproval. He has made a WAY, that even though 'sin abides' in my life (laziness, drinking, among others), He can and DOES love me completely.
I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-40)

I know I'm cool with HIM!

"You have 20 minutes..."

2010-03-09T07:44:00.006-07:00

"You have 20 minutes to make things right, or I'm leaving you behind!"

That's what God told me in a dream, just before the alarm went off this morning. In the dream, I frantically call the people closest to me, praying I get Voice Mail because I know if they pick up, I'll never get to everyone I need to talk to. I leave messages for my wife and son, for my mother and father and for my Grandma on the island (which is kind of weird because I don't see or talk to her often at all). I look at my watch and start freaking out because it's been 23 minutes! "What does this mean??!! God! It's been more than 20 minutes! I'm still here! What does this mean??!!"
You see, right after I heard those words from God, I started to protest; but, He cut me off and said, "No, you have 20 minutes to make things right, or I'm leaving you behind."

I woke up from the dream and just pondered for a bit. I felt at peace, but still there's a sense of urgency. I have my iPod on my bedside table because I like to fall asleep to music. Last night, I just let everything on there play at random and left it playing when I fell asleep. This morning, I put the headphones and a session from IHOP-KC's (not the pancake place, the prayer place) Joseph Company - their business training track - from 2004 and Chris Dupre was sharing about a friend of his who's so focused when in leadership that he cuts people out and leaves them behind. Chris said to his friend, "God gave you that gift of focus, but do you realize that because you've put locks on that door, you have no options at that moment?" Chris asks his friend, "How many people have left your company because of the nature of your 'personality'?"
Chris goes on to say that we feel justified being 'in mode' because, like the Blues Brothers, "We're on a mission from God."

Here, in the span of about half an hour, I get 2 clear messages that we are called to Love more than ourselves. The calls I made to my family in the dream were to tell them how much I loved and appreciated them and share with them what was on my heart. In the Joseph Company Session, Chris tells his friend to find practical ways to Love the people he hires.

Life is so busy. How in Heaven's Name are we supposed to live the way the Bible describes that we're meant to, and not neglect those things which are a vital part of our lives? It's what I struggle with every day. I am trying to be involved with things that I know I'm called to, yet at the same time I want to have deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Shortly before my son was born, someone I'd known for over 10 years told me that I was a bad friend and was going to be a poor father. Now, I really don't take much stock in what they said, it was a hard time for both of us; but, every once in a while I remember what they said and think that part of what they said about friendship has merit (they really have no clue at how great a father I turned out to be!!), but I usually chalk it up as part of my personality and my close friends realize that and love be in spite of my flaws. But, these days, it seems that God has put his thumb on a certain lack of friendliness I often have when life gets busy. I need to find a way to tell those I cherish that they are important to me, and that I do need them in my life.

I need to make time for them. We need to make time for our loved ones. Our loved ones are what make life worth living - not our jobs, our stuff, or even our 'Calling'... it's our loved ones.

Jenn, Mom, Dad, Cori, Adrianne, Lee, Dave... anyone else who's close to me and reads this blog, (as tears roll down my cheeks at 8:30 in the morning on my day off) I love you. I cherish you in my life. I want to see you more. Pray that God helps us make a way.

Random Encounters

2010-02-14T13:39:00.003-07:00

Have you ever had a Random Divine Encounter? You know, some time when God makes Himself undeniably evident out of the blue?

I want to share a time when this happened to me several years ago.

I was at a conference at our church and when it was wrapped up, my best friend and I decided to head to one of our favorite Whyte ave haunts. We had to park a bit away and on the walk to the restaurant a man stopped us asking for money - a common occurance on a Friday night in that area. Of course, we did what most people do and said, "Sorry, I don't have any change."
About 3 steps past I was arrested by God. I had this overwhelming sense that He was saying, "You have money! Give him some!" All I had was a stack of 20's... you don't give a beggar $20! But, the voice inside was loud and clear.
So, I stopped, told my friend to hold on, and called to the guy. I gave him a 20 and he held his hand out to shake mine to say "Thanks."

This is where the Encounter happened....

He pulled me into a hug and said over and over again, "Love her; just love her."
Walking back to my friend, he says, "What was that?!"
I asked what he saw (he has an ability to see things in the spiritual realm) and he said he saw a beam of light shine from the sky and explode around the guy and myself as he hugged me.

I believe an angel stepped into that beggar to deliver a message from God that would forever change the course of my life. And, change my life it did....

That night, I decided I'd marry my wife.

In my experience, there is no greater thing than knowing that God is near - active and interested in my life. To deny your spirit is to deny the greatest aspect of Life itself. Whenever I hear the song at the top by Burton Cummings, I hope and pray that people everywhere will have a Divine Encounter, and experience the Love of God. There is nothing better!

Who lays out Pharmacy Isles?

2010-02-01T19:46:00.002-07:00

Today, I was waiting to get a prescription and had nothing to do but kill time. I walked up and down the isles in the pharmacy and had to stop in one isle and take a double take... actually, I stopped and almost laughed out loud.

First off, it's the isle with the "Family Planning" materials. Hidden at the top corner was a... wait for it.... wait for it....

A SINGLE USE VIBRATOR! For 20min, ladies can pleasure themselves at $20 a pop!

I want make this clear. You can buy a vibrator - yes, a female sex toy - at SAVE-On-FOODS!

But wait! It gets better!

Lower down in the same isle was a product called ANUSOL! In the same isle you can pick up a female pleasure tool and a product called ANUSOL! ALL AT A GROCERY STORE!!

Granted, the Anusol is an Hemroid ointment, but I just think they could have done a little better planning... or maybe the Pharmacist has a great sense of humor!

Come Talk To Me

2010-01-28T19:22:00.005-07:00

I've heard this song many times over the years, but was first introduced to this video by Brad Jersak at a conference the Canopy hosted 6 or 7 years ago. Peter Gabriel originally wrote it for his daughter, but it has since become one of my favorite Worship Songs.

Brad pondered the question as we watched, "Which one is you, which one is God?" I find throughout the song Peter could be singing the part of me, as well as Paula Cole.

The wretched desert takes it's form, the jackal proud and tight
In search of you, I feel my way, though the slowest heaving night
Whatever fear invents, I swear it make no sense
I reach through the border fence
Come down, come talk to me

In the swirling, curling storm of desire unuttered words hold fast
With reptile tongue, the lightning lashes towers built to last
Darkness creeps in like a thief and offers no relief
Why are you shaking like a leaf
Come on, come talk to me

Ah please talk to me
Won't you please talk to me
We can unlock this misery
Come on, come talk to me

I did not come to steal
This all is so unreal
Can't you show me how you feel now
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me

The earthly power sucks shadowed milk from sleepy tears undone
From nippled skin as smooth as silk the bugles blown as one
You lie there with your eyes half closed like there's no-one there at all
There's a tension pulling on your face
Come on, come talk to me

Won't you please talk to me
If you'd just talk to me
Unblock this misery
If you'd only talk to me

Don't you ever change your mind
Now your future's so defined
And you act so deaf and blind
(And you act so deaf so blind)
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me

I can imagine the moment
Breaking out through the silence
All the things that we both might say
And the heart it will not be denied
'Til we're both on the same damn side
All the barriers blown away

I said please talk to me
Won't you please come talk to me
Just like it used to be
Come on, come talk to me
I did not come to steal
This all is so unreal
Can you show me how you feel now
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me

I said please talk to me
If you'd just talk to me
Unblock this misery
If you'd only talk to me

Liquid Courage

2010-01-27T23:45:00.002-07:00

I have been ridiculed many a time for my love of beer. There are quite a few people who've counted me out because of my love for this beautiful creation - yes, I totally agree with Friar Tuck in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - beer is from God! I LOVE BEER!

The biggest thing I like about beer is the taste. There are so many different beers out there, and there are so many tastes! Tonight, I am indulging in Alexander Kieth's Red Amber Ale (thank you, Colin!) which is different than most dark beers. It has a nice rich flavor, but isn't as think as most Red beer. I think I'll have another, since I'm chatting w. a friend - tho typing is becoming increasingly difficult...

I am really typing this for 2 reasons. 1) to get into the habit of blogging again.

2) The real reason is that I have an AMAZING wife! She, unlike many 'Christians' understands my love of this beautiful drink. When we were at a couples' retreat, we volunteered to be a couple to guess a series of questions about each other - we have been married for 4yrs, which was far behind the next couple's time married (I think it was around 10yrs). When asked, "What is your husband's favorite food?" Jenn answered, "Beer!" Oh, how she knows her man!!!!

It's one thing to love the Malt Drink; but, it's something completely different to be married to someone who understands her husband's enjoyment/plight!
Thank God I have a wife who loves me and understands me! Life, even though I don't really understand it most of the time, is Good!

So Much To Do... Only 4 Days At A Time

2010-01-27T10:04:00.003-07:00

So, I was looking over some of the links I have on the side. Only a few of the blogs have been kept up - most don't even exist anymore! Today is Day 1 of 4 days off I have this week, and it's already full of stuff to do! I've gotta clean up some equipment because we're making more wine today! I've got enough kits to make up to 420 bottles! If I can find enough bottles (and space), I may just make them all this year!

Making wine is fun. I have a couple good friends who enjoy it as well, so we make an afternoon or evening out of it. Actually, the making of wine isn't that exciting - most steps take less than 30min of actual work, then it sits... But, knowing what will come, though, is well worth the process! I've made 2 batches so far, and both have been great! In fact, people keep asking me if there's any more of the Peach Zinfandel left - "it's SOOO GOOD!" I'm not a white wine fan, and I don't really like peach flavor, so I'm definitely inclined to give it all away; unfortunately, Jenn really wants to keep some - being pregnant, she's got to wait a while before she can taste it.
I've got a Borolo on the go, and today, we'll probably start a Red Zinfandel and/or Merlot. I may need to borrow a carboy or two from a friend, and get a couple other friends who have equipment to help to start pitching in!

From what it looks like, today is the only day I have to do just stuff. Tomorrow is filled up, Friday may have some spare time in the early part of the day, and Saturday is plumb full!

So, I'm thinking it may actually be a while before I write anything deep. I'm thinking Alex is ready for a bath, and the fish need feeding! 'Til next time...

How to begin?

2010-01-21T10:13:00.002-07:00

I don't really have a planned topic, today. But, I figured I'd give a little bit of a reason why "Ponderings" exists. I started it September '04 as a way to share my thoughts - or probably more accurate, my philosophies - as they play out in my everyday life.
I am often inspired to write by conversations I have with friends and family; by songs I hear on the radio or iPod; by times spent in meditation and Scriptural study; and, by the books I read.

In the days, months, and hopefully years ahead, I hope you enjoy "Ponderings". Please feel free to Comment - relate, retorte, post links, whatever your heart desires. My Blog is here for me to relate to you, and for you to interact however you choose.

Before I close, I want to thank several Bloggers for inspiring me to pick up the pen... er, keyboard... once again!

Jim
Donloree
James
Vaughn

I'm Back!

2010-01-20T22:29:00.003-07:00

OK, so it's been 2 yrs 5 months and 12 days since my last post. It's taken me almost an hour to figure out how to get back into my Blogger site. And, now I'm tired... But, now that I know my password I will be blogging more! And, maybe to figure out how to get these things on Facebook, as I doubt anyone who used to read will check this at all.

It's good to be back!

How time flies.... Take 2

2007-08-08T22:34:00.000-06:00

I can't believe that it's been almost a month since I've posted anything! I usually have 3-4 "days off" a week, but they just seem to disappear like fog on a summer's morning.
I'm quite enjoying the new job, making sure the Chlorine kills all the pee at the WEM Water Park! It gives me a lot of time to read, think and... well goof off! And, the biz is starting to pick up, too... If I'm finding time whizzing by now, I'm not sure how it's going to be in a few weeks!!

Of course, being a new Dad is taking up a good chunk of my time as well. I love it! I don't really care that I can't get some things done when I'm with Alex - I wouldn't trade it for anything!

There are often times that I wonder how many people can sense the "Winds of Change" blowing. There's something happening underneath what our natural senses can pick up - something Spiritual. I talk with a few people who can sense it, but are kind of afraid of history repeating itself... life can seem to be full of disappointments, can't it. However, I am getting the sense that what is on the horizon is just a foretaste of the real... event, for lack of a better word. I also get the sense that things will get harder before they get better - but, isn't every Good thing worth a challenge?

I'm thinking life's pretty good these days, and am quite hopeful for the days/months to come.

I had some wonderfully, pithy saying at the end of the blog that was lost, but I've forgotten. Oh well.

How time flies....

2007-08-08T13:55:00.002-06:00

Especially when Blogger loses your last post....

GRRRRR!

Not quite $170 worth...

2007-07-13T11:12:00.000-06:00

So, last night I went to the Bon Jovi concert - they're probably my favorite all-time band! However, last night left me wanting. I paid a pretty penny to get on the floor for this event, as I thought it would be a time to remember for the rest of my days. My heart was heavy when I saw, just over 1.5 of them playing, they were spent. Granted Richy and Tico gave it their all the whole performance; but, to charge $170/seat and not even give a 2 hr show is not classy.
I once went to an Eagles concert, which cost $125/tic. Now, we thought that was expensive! But, when the first song of the night was Hotel California (no opening act - just Eagles all night!) followed by 3 hours of Eagles classics, I left thinking that I can understand why they'd charge what they did. Last night was not the case....

I probably would have felt I'd gotten my money's worth had the tix been closer to $100. So, the lesson I've learned is that it's just not worth going to conferences that cost more that $100. I mean, if I can't get satisfaction from my favorit band of all time, how's anyone else going to live up to that kind of tag? I'll stick w. their canned music for now, I guess.... :(

Too good...

2007-07-02T19:28:00.000-06:00

Don't you just hate it when something so good goes so wrong? As I wrote last time, I love my job! However, I can no longer stand my boss. They guy has lied to me too many times that it's time to move on. It really sucks!
However, when one door closes, another inevitably opens, and it looks like I'll be able to get back into the world of self-employment a little earlier than anticipated. I've been introduced to a couple who is eager to mentor not only myself, but also my wife as we work toward building a solid business. I've paid a lot of money over the years to try to get a handle on what this couple knows, and now here they are wanting to give us everything we are looking for... and more! For the first time, both Jenn & I are excited about business together!
It'll take a while before we can jump into this FT, so I'm currently looking for something to pay the bills in the mean time.

In the mean time.....

There are two positions at West Edmonton Mall that sound fun. One would be maintaining the water for all of their attractions (Water Park, Sea Life, Subs, etc), and the other involved suiting up SCUBA-style and cleaning the Sub tank! How cool would that be!!??
The job market is wide open, here, so I am not worried at all about finding gainful employment.

The journey continues...

Time..... where has it gone?

2007-06-17T17:45:00.000-06:00

This summer I am working at a near dream-job! I'm building water features... ponds, waterfalls and streams to enhance people's yards. I love the work... it's just that there's so much of it! I wish I had a bit more time and/or energy to spend on other things; but, it's worth it. I should have loads of time this winter!
This is the first job I've had where I don't wake up in the morning thinking, "Crap! I have to work, today..." No, I quite like what I do, and look forward to heading out to work every day. It's something I hope everyone gets to experience some time.

Follow your bliss!

In The Stillness

2007-05-24T19:35:00.000-06:00

There was a song written by Paul Oakley about 5 years ago that took me to another Place. I heard it back in the day when I'd freely download music from other people w/o thinking about whether it was right that I hadn't paid for it. I no longer see the need to pirate music; however, I do miss the song.
Music is a migical tool, created by God, I'm sure. It has the ability to lift your spirits, make you angry or sad, and even to transport you out of this world.

I haven't listened to a Paul Oakley song in years, but I tell you, he's one well-written worshiper. If anyone has a line on where I can find an album with In The Stillness on it, let me know... oh yeah, I'd love to hear Bon Jovi's I Talk To Jesus again, too!

Stranger Than Fiction

2007-05-22T11:31:00.000-06:00

I have finally seen this movie, and was I ever impressed! Will Farrell rarely impresses me. The guy's hilarious, don't get me wrong; but, I don't generally watch movies that he stars in for inspiration. Saturday night, I was inspired!
It was what Emma Thomson's character says at the end that hits the ball right out of the park! Ironically, it is the people who are willing to die for another, or a noble cause, that we actually want to live! The world is full of people who will not trade our lives - our boring, mediocre lives - for anything.

Stranger Than Fiction reminded me that in order to live - for Will Farrell's character had not really lived a day in his life - we must be willing to risk. We have to have our ears open - our Special/Spiritual ears, not just those lobed dishes on the sides of our heads - to hear when our watch or our God is pointing us in a new, better, higher direction.
If you haven't watched Stranger Than Fiction yet, I highly recommend it!

While on the topic of movies, I caught the end of Ever After yesterday. This is a movie I've seen about a half-million times (I was involved with someone who's probably seen it a million!) - it's a good movie, but not on my top-10 by any means. However, yesterday, I was moved!
When the prince bowed down in humility to Danielle, my heart shook. Again, it was this great strength displayed in the worldly weakness of humility that caused an emotional stir.
It is so true that what most of the world sees and honors as strong, is usually just a mask of weakness and fear. But, Love is Power:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

For those who have an ear, let them hear what the Spirit is saying.

Waiting...

2007-05-18T08:14:00.000-06:00

For a long time I have thought that I've been procrastinating... or maybe I've been waiting on others around me to get it started; but lately, I've come to realize that the season wasn't right. A seed was sown long ago in my heart, and I've felt it begin to sprout for a while. There are times when I wanted to get all excited, sure that whatever it was that was sown was about to spring forth. But it didn't... I'm still waiting.
However, there is a sense of why I've been waiting. I am no longer frustrated with myself - my inability to get something going. I'm not anxious with other people, wondering why they don't just get the show on the road. In some misterious way, I can see down the road (and around the bend), and I know this waiting is not in vain. There's a time and season for everything (remember that song by the Byrds - inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes?), and God is not slow in bringing about His promises.

I am looking forward to how the next several months and year unfold. There's an air of anticipation in the spirit (yes, small 's' for a reason).

Come what may, Father.

"Double Your Income Doing ONLY What You Love"

2007-04-16T13:18:00.000-06:00

I have a friend who runs a seminar series teaching people how to double their income by doing only what they love. It's an amazing concept that has seen people leave behind their careers to see something new blossom into what they'd only dreamed about. Can you imagine being excited to get out of bed and go to work??!!

Seems a little to airy-fairy, doesn't it? But, if you think about it, the idea does have Scriptural backing. Jesus came to make our joy complete. He's given us the desires of our hearts. There's a reason why we love to do what we love to do!

I've been thinking quite a bit about this idea, lately. I have to admit that I am not at all excited to get out of bed to go to work; in fact, I usually struggle to control the thoughts of frustration and anger toward my job. I have a review coming up, where we're supposed to discuss my raise. I have an idea of what it'll take to keep me here, and it seems like it might be a little more than what the company thinks I'm worth.
I'll gladly accept a job that'll pay a bit less if it's something that I would enjoy doing. There's a lot of comfort in knowing that my job is not the source of my means of living. Sure, it gives me money to pay the bills; but, I have probably seen at least a year's income come my way outside of the conventional job, in the last several years.

It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time - namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.
- Joseph Campbell

I want to live the life I was meant to live - I want all of us to live the life we're meant to live! It is to be a Wonderful Life!

Come Talk To Me

2007-04-12T10:24:00.000-06:00

"Come Talk To Me"

The wretched desert takes its form, the jackal proud and tight
In search of you, I feel my way, though the slowest heaving night
Whatever fear invents, I swear it make no sense
I reach through the border fence
Come down, come talk to me

In the swirling, curling storm of desire unuttered words hold fast
With reptile tongue, the lightning lashes towers built to last
Darkness creeps in like a thief and offers no relief
Why are you shaking like a leaf
Come on, come talk to me

Ah please talk to me
Won't you please talk to me
We can unlock this misery
Come on, come talk to me

I did not come to steal
This all is so unreal
Can't you show me how you feel now
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me, come talk to me

The earthly power sucks shadowed milk from sleepy tears undone
From nippled skin as smooth as silk the bugles blown as one
You lie there with your eyes half closed like there's no-one there at all
There's a tension pulling on your face
Come on, come talk to me

Won't you please talk to me
If you'd just talk to me
Unblock this misery
If you'd only talk to me

Don't you ever change your mind
Now your future's so defined
And you act so deaf and blind(And you act so deaf so blind)
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me, come talk to me

I can imagine the moment
Breaking out through the silence
All the things that we both might say
And the heart it will not be denied
'Til we're both on the same damn side
All the barriers blown away

I said please talk to me
Won't you please come talk to me
Just like it used to be
Come on, come talk to me

I did not come to steal
This all is so unreal
Can you show me how you feel now
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me, come talk to me

I said please talk to me
If you'd just talk to me
Unblock this misery
If you'd only talk to me

Don't you ever change your mind
Now your future's so defined
And you act so deaf and blind(And you act so deaf so blind)
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me, come talk to me

- Peter Gabriel

This song always awakens my spirit. I can hear both my heart and God's singing at the same time. If you have the chance to listen to the song, I suggest you take it. Let your spirit hear the words sung.... let your spirit sing the words... let the Lord sing the words.

Secret Sunday

2007-04-12T09:05:00.000-06:00

After a month off (Bathroom Reno - See "The World in a Nutshell"), we are resuming Secret Sunday this week.

If you've been to a Secret Sunday, you're invited again. If you haven't been yet, and are interested, let me know.

Life to the Fullest

2007-04-11T08:59:00.000-06:00

I've heard quite a few of my Christian friends, lately, talk about how they are despising their self-indulgent lives. There is something deep inside us that must live a life of Glory, but it seems to be impossible in this day and age (cf. "Be Ye..."). We think that life has to be a struggle, if we're going to Glorify our Lord.

I've been thinking about this for weeks, and I just can't get my head around it. The idea of a struggled-life glorifying Christ is not what I read in Scripture, and it's not what I hear when I pray. Granted, many of us are way too self-indulgent; however, to live a life that is hard and unenjoyed is not at all what Jesus died for - and it's definitely not why He was resurrected!

Jesus said that He came to give us a Full Life (Jn 10:10). Now, this is not how I'd describe a life of struggle and hardship. Struggle and hardship are indeed a part of a Full Life, but they aren't the whole of it. No, there must be seasons of great joy and ease, as well.
Look at David's life. Nobody had more going against him at times, yet Israel never saw such prosperity and joy while he was King. Read the stories of Abraham, Joseph, Elijah... all of our Biblical heroes - men and women who're close to God, living Full Lives - had times of joy and ease of life, as well as struggle.

Balance is the banner being waved by the "healthy" in our society, these days. Now, I do not agree that compartmentalizing and balancing out the different aspects of our lives is healthy, nor is it the heart's desire; however, there could be a reason why some of us are turning our sights toward a more self-sacrificial way of life. There is a happy medium.

Jesus is the herald of a Full Life. Let us not forsake the "high" for the "low" (and vice versa); but, let us embrace all that God brings our way.

Be Ye Holy, as I AM Holy

2007-04-10T20:25:00.000-06:00

The most dreaded commandment a Christian can hear. How can one be Holy like God??!! I mean, He's GOD!! I'm just a sinner! Poor me...

While I have never been one to beat myself up over my short-comings, I have often wondered how I was to live up to that great command: "Be Holy, even as I am Holy." I mean, sure Jesus paid the price, so we don't have to try to live up to God and all His Glory; but, still, everyone that I know - be they Christian or not - aspires to somehow be a better person. And, Christians all seem to somehow try to earn God's favor because they've heard and read a million times, "Be Holy!"

Today, I got some insight into what God may be talking about....

I am fortunate enough to be enjoying weekly therapeutic massages because of a crossover in benefits packages with my wife's work and my own. The massage therapist is quite insightful, and we have many great conversations during the hour that I'm there. Today, she was reminding me that as I enter in to Fatherhood (3 weeks!) to still focus on being a whole person. That's when I heard it: Be Holy, as I AM Holy.

It's when she said "whole person" that it struck me.

What does holy mean? It means to be set apart. So many times as we become parents, or enter relationships or jobs, or anything, we lose who we are. We give up everything of ourselves into this new part of life, and in a few weeks/months/years/decades we are left feeling drained... empty.

God is God. There is no other like Him. We are made in God's image - He's made each and every one of us unique. And, while we are called to live together in global community, giving of ourselves to one another; we are still - each and every one of us - unique individuals.

Be WHOLE, as I AM WHOLE.

The Big J-bowski

2007-04-07T17:46:00.000-06:00

So last night, after settling down from an evening of driving home from the ski hill, I thought I'd see if there were any good movies on before hitting the hay. Well, I managed to catch the last hour one of my favorite movies - The Big Labowski.

I love the movie on many levels. On one level, I kinda I wish I was The Dude. I have no idea what his job is, but he seems to have a pretty relaxed time of things... for the most part. I mean, other than the part of his life that is the movie seems pretty easy going: wake up, have a drink, smoke a joint, go bowling, have a drink, go home, have a joint, have a bath, have a drink, go to bed. It'd be a nice vacation, anyway.
On another level, however, I see the futility of trying to avoid life. The whole premise of the movie seems to be that, even though The Dude does his best to stay out of everything - wishing the whole world would just pass him by - he gets into trouble. We cannot escape Life - It will find us.

Everyone just wants to have their cut - that's all the movie is about. We live our lives, trying to get ahead of The Man, trying to better our lives. But, it does all seem to be a chasing after the wind, doesn't it? Maybe The Dude is on to something....

Do you hear what I hear?

2007-04-03T12:18:00.000-06:00

I've been hearing many people talk about how contemporary Christian worship is... sliding (for lack of a better word). There are a number of people I associate with who think that contemporary Christian worship songs sing too much about "I" and not enough about "Him/You".

In a lot of ways I can totally see their point. We go to church to worship God, right? We're not 'supposed' to be going for ourselves. I've heard it said that many current worship singers have sold-out for the big bucks.
While this may very well be the case, I'm not so sure that these singers started writing their songs with "I" lyrics b/c they're selfish or have lost focus on God.

Here's what I think started the "I"-song revolution. I believe that many worship artists heard God speaking to the greatness of His greatest creation. See, God has made us in His image... "Is it not written in your Law, 'I have said you are gods' ?" Jn 10:34
What God does to us in His presence is amazing! I love how I feel when meditating, consciously in His presence. And, when I do this, His Power in me seems to increase. I feel more Divine. The Charisma seem to come alive within me. I can't give words to how I feel when I concentrate on God within me.
See, I am honestly tired of worshiping only the God who exists outside of me. There are too many of us who see God in Heaven, but are blind to God within us... God amongst us. Yes, God is to be revered; but, He is to be revered everywhere, not just in Heaven.

OK, now I'll tell you the truth of what I think about contemporary Christian worship songs. They suck, for the most part. I find so many of them to be shallow and uninspired. For the most part, I agree with my Brothers and Sisters who want to sing more hymns... I'd just like them rocked up b/c I prefer R&R over Granny Tunes.
But, contemporary worship was birthed out of a voice within many of us who heard God saying, "I'm inside you. I have made you My Dwelling Place."

O Lord, I love who You have made me to be!

Bathing....

2007-03-28T09:53:00.000-06:00

So, last weekend we started our bathroom reno. It's going great, except that we'll be waiting a while before we can use the shower again - have to wait for the tiling, grout to cure, sealing, etc... So, for the next couple weeks, I'll be taking a bath to get clean.
Until Monday, the last bath I'd had to get clean - I've had about 5 baths just to relax - was when I was 4! I am not a "bath guy".
At least it's a nice tub! It's so deep! I can sit strait-legged, and the watter will come up to my arm-pits... soooo nice! However, we have to drain the entire hotwater tank just to fill the tub, so it's not really economical. I was just thinking about that last night - it might be time to think about getting one of those insta-hot machines that heats the water instantly w/o a tank.

That's really all I have to say about that....

(shakes head at his Forrest Gump moment)

Almost Embarrassed to say....

2007-03-23T09:19:00.000-06:00

I love Yahoo! Launchcast player! The first thing I do when I get to work is to turn on my Yahoo! Radio player. It plays everything I like, and even suggests some songs and artists that I might enjoy. I usually do.

But, there are 2 artists that I am pretty embarrassed to admit that I am really enjoying. See, I rarely like anything newer than 1995 (unless the artist has been around a while) - I love classic rock! Sure these 2 artists are Canadian, so you can say I'm just supporting our country's gift to music (don't worry, neither is Celine Dion!). But...

Ok, I admit... I really enjoy Alanis Morisette and Avril Lavigne.

They have similar sounds and lyrics - both are quite bold and sing about how they want to kick life in the ass. YEAH!!! You see, the reason I like these chicks is because they represent a new generation of classic rockers. Yes, I know that CLASSIC generally means older (hey, Alanis was around in the 80's -shudder- and Avril was born in the 80's - does that count?), but it's the sound and feel of their music that really gets me.
So, I'll swallow my Jagged Little Pill and continue to let these ladies' music get Under My Skin.

Rock on, Ladies!

One of God's Greatest Gifts

2007-03-22T12:36:00.000-06:00

I dedicate this post to NC...

God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul of everyone
Do you know what you want? you don't know for sure
You don't feel right, you cant find a cure
And you're gettin' less than what you're lookin' for
You don't have money or a fancy car
And you're tired of wishin' on a falling star
You gotta put your faith in a loud guitar

Chorus:
God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Gave rock and roll to everyone (oh yeah)
God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul of everyone
Now listen

If you wanna be a singer, or play guitar
Man, you gotta sweat or you wont get far
Cause its never too late to work nine-to-five
You can take a stand, or you can compromise
You can work real hard or just fantasize
But you don't start livin' till you realize - I gotta tell ya!

God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Gave rock and roll to everyone
God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul

God gave rock and roll to you (to everyone he gave the song to be sung)
Gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to everyone
God gave rock and roll to you (to everyone he gave the song to be sung)
Gave rock and roll to you, saved rock and roll for everyone
Saved rock and roll

I know life sometimes can get tough! and I know life sometimes can be a drag!
But people, we have been given a gift, we have been given a road
And that roads name is... rock and roll!

- KISS

On Sunday, Nathan spoke about some things that make the Canopy special. I've had this song going through my head ever since.

Thanks, Nathan! Rock on!

Bang a Drum

2007-03-15T10:55:00.000-06:00

I went to see the preacher
To teach me how to pray
He looked at me and smiled
Then the preacher turned away
He said if you want to tell Him something
You ain't gotta fold your hands
Say it with your heart Your soul and believe it
And Id say amen

Bang a drum for the sinners
Bang a drum for the sins
Bang a drum for the losers
And those who win
Bang a drum bang it loudly
Or as soft as you need
Bang a drum for yourself son
And a drum for me

I called upon my brother just the other day
He said: John I'm gonna die if I don't start to live again
I work each day and night like clockwork
Just trying to make ends meet
I could kick this bad worlds ass if I could just get on my feet

I'd bang a drum for the dying
Bang a drum for the truth
Bang a drum for the innocence
Lost in our youth
Bang a drum bang it loudly
Or as soft as you need
Bang a drum for you brother
And a drum for me

I don't know where all the rivers run
I don't know how far, I don't know how come
But I'm gonna die believin'
Each step that I take
Ain't worth the ground that I walk on
If we don't walk it our own way

No I don't claim to be a wiseman
A poet or a saint
I'm just another man who's searching
For a better way
But my heart beats loud as thunder
For the things that I believe
Sometimes I wanna run for cover
Sometimes I want to scream

Bang a drum for tomorrow
Bang a drum for the past
Bang a drum for the heroes
That wont come back
Bang a drum for the promise
Bang a drum for the lies
Bang a drum for the lovers
And the tears they've cried
Bang a drum bang it loudly
Or as soft as you need
But as long as my heart keeps on bangin'
I got a reason to believe

- Jon Bon Jovi

Ironically, it was this 'secular' song that taught me a lot about Jesus. Last night, a bunch of us were talking about how experience, tradition, reason and Scripture are 4 filters that affect how we interact with God. I realized that because many people who don't go to church don't really understand their experiences with God, and don't understand Scripture, they have a very limited understanding of who God is.
I am convinced that Jesus wants everyone to know Him. Not so much because He wants to save us from Hell and get us into Heaven; but, because He has so much to give to us in the Here And Now. I am sure that He didn't give us life so that we could pass some test to get into the Pearly Gates; He gave it to us as a foretaste of what Eternity is like... our life in Eternity should be the next logical step as this life ends. If it isn't, I think we've missed something here.

Memories...

2007-02-20T10:51:00.001-07:00

Leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, it can be anything that you remember! Don't send a message, just leave a comment. Next, re-post this on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you.

Have a good one!

Secret Sunday

2007-02-15T08:22:00.000-07:00

On the 3rd Sunday of every month, I have a Secret Sunday. Basically, I invite people over to share the Secret with them.

This Sunday is Secret Sunday. If you've come before, you're invited. If you've been invited before, but haven't made it, you're invited. If you are curious, ask me about it.

Inspiration.... Adventure

2007-02-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

Today, I read an article on 40 things a Drunkard should do before he/she dies - I was inspired. Am I a drunkard? Well, most of my Christian friends would think so; so would most of my old high school buddies. But, a True Drunkard would call me a pussy. From a Drunkard's standpoint, my best years are behind me - once I hit 25, I lost most of my stamina (tho at that last party, I got more smashed than I have been in YEARS! Granted, I was dead to the world 'til 9pm the next day; but, we found out that it wasn't a complete hang-over - there was some bad chicken, too).

But, why am I really inspired by following the ways of Drunkards' Dreams? Some of that top 40 was damned exciting!

I have lived a life of relative freedom. I have pretty much always done what I wanted; however, over the last several years, I have been bitten by some dreaded vampire that seems to be sucking the life out of me. Maybe it's compassion because I actually have grown to not want to offend. I used to just be me, and if that pissed some people off, so be it. However, there are some people in my life that I truly like, but are offended by the way I live quite often. So, I tone it down a bit. But, it can cause one to grow dull....

I am now married and expecting my first child. I am quite excited about this. I enjoy being married, and am very much looking forward to being a dad. However, the responsibilities that come with it all mean I've got to make some changes. I can't just go and do something crazy, not really caring what the consequences are. If my crazy deeds are offensive to my wife, I have to live with someone who's POed (perhaps for good reason, perhaps not). If my crazy deeds lead to injury or death, my kid grows up without a dad; and, I miss out on what is likely to be one of the most rewarding times of life.

Things in life change. That's the way it is.
Were things better when I was single, and could go on any (drinking) adventure I wanted? Not necessarily. I got used to knowing how to have fun, then. I just need to find a way to have more fun, now.

To live is the greatest adventure. I do not mourn the past, nor do I dread the future. For the moment, I am a bit bored with life; but, I know it will get better. "Feeling like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday Night!"

Too Liberal?

2007-02-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Am I too liberal to be a Christian? I often think so - at least to be the kind of Christian that goes to the churches I've been going to.

When we start talking about the work of Christ, people often think that I am just out to lunch when I say that what He did, He did for everyone, and what He did is done. "Are you saying that everyone is Saved?" is what they ask. Well, if they knew they were, then yes, I'd say that Jesus has paid the Price for everyone. Do they need to do something to earn this salvation - like say a special incantation? I don't think so; however, for people to live the Heavenly life we're meant to live - even here on earth - they do need to awaken to the fact that what's been done is done.

Or, how about homosexuality? There was a time when I'd just say, "the Bible says it's wrong, so it's wrong." Well, I'm not so sure it's that cut and dry. I think my sister-in-law's girlfriend is an awesome person, and would be happy to have her a part of the family; but... (it's just not allowed!)
Does God hate my homo/bisexual friends and family? I don't think so - in fact, to say so I believe would be blasphemy. "He doesn't hate the sinner, just the sin," is the common answer to that. But, what most Christians really mean is that He doesn't hate my sin; but, he does hate their sin. If we didn't really mean that, then we'd be embracing people of different sexual orientation, religion and race with open arms. What's the difference between God redeeming a person hooked on drugs and alcohol (who still stumbles in those areas), and God embracing someone who intimately enjoys the company of the same sex (and loves Jesus)?

We Christians like to think we have the corner on God. If you believe something other than what we do, then you're wrong and going to hell. That's just the way it is - that's what it says in the Bible; my pastor/parent/friend told me so.
Sometimes I'm ashamed to be numbered amongst my brothers and sisters... but, who isn't ashamed of their family at some point in life? We are all family. And I love everyone of us.

Flame shields up!

Stewing

2007-02-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

I want to write something.... but, it's not going to be liked by everyone.... I'm not sure if it's worth the flack.

Freedom and Censorship

2007-02-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

Today, I am understanding more, the difference between the liberal and conservative mindset - at least how they think in relation to Canadian politics. See, the liberal mindset wants everyone to feel OK. The Liberal wants censorship expanded so that minority groups (be it race, religion, hair color, or music preference) don't feel like minority groups. However, the conservative mindset seems more democratic - the Conservative says, "Majority rules."

I am stuck in the middle....

I enjoy my freedom. I like to be able to do what I want to do; and, I believe that - for the most part - everyone should be able to do the same. However, there are many times in my life where I am the minority, and I have to be censored somehow. Ideally, I'd like things to be democratic - I am a "Majority rules" kind of guy... but, I hate how limiting it can be.

Why must my freedom be limited by others' lack thereof?

Over the history of this blog, I have had to censor/edit what I've written about 4 times. I think that's a pretty good record, as sometimes I think what I write can be quite controversial. For the most part, I don't really think that what I write gets read; and, if it does, the people who read it are either a bit removed from my life, or understand what I'm about. However, there seems to be a growing number of people reading this blog who just don't get me. Either that, or they search the world looking for offense.
Yes, I do truly believe that. I believe that there are many people who just look to be offended. And, that offends me! Why would I find that offensive? Well, because I can't be me. I always seem to have to censor ideas - it's just too much for people to handle. It seems that for many people once something is said or written, it's absolute, in stone, no changes - that's it. It's just too much work.
And, it's bad enough that I have to censor myself out in public, and with most friends; but, not to be able to speak my mind at home, or my own little piece of the WWW, it's a bit frustrating. Actually, it's very frustrating. I post something a bit controversial, and then get inundated with "that hurt my feelings." I'm going to get flack for this one too.... Why do our heads have to be so far up our asses that we think everything is about ME? Pull it out and have a look around, I'm not the only one here, stuff may actually be written about someone/something else.

Just so you know, this post has been brewing for A LONG TIME. It is not the result of anything recent - it's the result of years of always having to pull punches.
I am not writing this to hurt anyone. The reason I am writing this is to point out that we all need to consider others' feelings. Yes, what I am writing can be taken hurtfully. But, just think how you may feel if you weren't allowed to share your heart most of the time. If you can't vent a bit - even on your own blog - things build up, and you get a bit of an outburst like this post.

I started writing this about a week ago; then, I just wanted to tell people to Fuck off! Grow up! Get a spine! And, complaints still came in - boy am I glad I didn't post then!
Today, I'm a little more relaxed. I still find it frustrating as hell when people automatically take offense to what I say/write. But, today, I'm just saying, "Deal with it."

Friends, please don't be offended by this vent. If you are... vent on your own blog, or send me an email (again), or suck it up and realize that sometimes a guy just needs to get shit off his chest.

Disaster or Transition

2007-02-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

So, a friend of mine is leaving. Well, he's not really a friend - I almost barely talk to him anymore - but, he's really good friends with a few friends of mine... and, he's leaving. Some of us saw it coming - he's had a lot to deal with lately, and really shouldn't be handling the burden he has to carry here. I think he needed to move on a while back - it's just that the door is open, now.
My friends who truly love this guy seem to be totally broken. I can understand - one of the very instrumental people who helped them build their house is leaving. I mean, good friends have left before, but nobody as good and as important as this guy. They're going to talk about it on Sunday, but I won't be there - I don't usually hang out with these guys on Sundays, anymore. Some of us had a chat about it all on Wednesday, but we were few - Sunday is when everyone will talk about it.
I wonder how they'll take it. Is it a sinking ship, anyway? I know some people think that. Is this an opportunity for us to do things that were impossible with this fellow around? I'm sure there are some - though sad to see him leave - will be thankful for something new. Has the wind been knocked out of the sails, especially of his close friends? Seems that way. There's a few of us who have a habit of moping for a while when something 'bad' happens.

So, what do I think about this all?

If it isn't apparent, I'm talking about one of our leaders at church. A church that I call home - even if I don't attend on Sundays all the regularly. My friend Nathan has heard the Call to move on - something that has been coming for a long time (I think it was 1st heard by people about 5 years ago). But, just because he's going to lead at another church, doesn't mean that ours is bad. It's true that he leaves a huge void - if the church were a play or band, he'd be the talent (others being the brains and the voice).
He left so that he could mature under another worship leader, something that he hasn't had in his life at our church. And, as he goes to mature, so it's a time for our congregation to mature as well. This will be a tough time for our church, but it will be a great time of growth. I'm actually looking forward to it all.
If I don't attend on Sundays, why would I even be interested in how things progress? Well, like I said, it's still home for me. I hang out with a bunch from this church during the week. I'd probably be more involved if some others and I could coordinate during the week. I love the people who make up the body of the church - we just don't have what my family needs right now.

So, life goes on. Nathan is stepping into the next phase of his life; therefore, so is the Canopy. If Nathan is moving into his destiny, then so is the Canopy. We are a blessed bunch.

Timing

2007-02-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

So, about a year and a half ago, I bought our house. It was right at the beginning of the big real estate boom in Edmonton. Yesterday, we had the house appraised. In 17 months, our house value has increased by more than 110% - holy crap!

So, now it's time to pull some of that equity out to take care of any debt w. interest over Prime, and do some renos. We'll probably stick a bunch in some investments, too - now's the perfect time to start building our retirement.

Land of Confussion

2007-01-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

I dedicate this song to my friend DW (anyone remember Darkwing Duck?)

I must've dreamed a thousand dreams
Been haunted by a million screams
But I can hear the marching feet
They're moving into the street.

Now did you read the news today
They say the dangers gone away
But I can see the fires still alight
There burning into the night.

There's too many men
Too many people
Making too many problems
And not much love to go round
Cant you see
This is a land of confusion.

This is the world we live in
And these are the hands were given
Use them and lets start trying
To make it a place worth living in.

Ooh superman where are you now
When everything's gone wrong somehow
The men of steel, the men of power
Are losing control by the hour.

This is the time
This is the place
So we look for the future
But there's not much love to go round
Tell me why, this is a land of confusion.

This is the world we live in
And these are the hands were given
Use them and lets start trying
To make it a place worth living in.

I remember long ago -
Ooh when the sun was shining
Yes and the stars were bright
All through the night
And the sound of your laughter
As I held you tight
So long ago -

I wont be coming home tonight
My generation will put it right
Were not just making promises
That we know, well never keep.

Too many men
There's too many people
Making too many problems
And not much love to go round
Cant you see
This is a land of confusion.

Now this is the world we live in
And these are the hands were given
Use them and lets start trying
To make it a place worth fighting for.

This is the world we live in
And these are the names were given
Stand up and lets start showing
Just where our lives are going to.
- Genesis

If you can find a recording of this song, have a listen - it's definitely worth pondering on.

Is Unity the Answer?

2007-01-21T14:04:00.000-07:00

Today, I was a part of a very inspirational church service. The worship was pretty good, the message was passionate, and there was some meaningful ministry to wrap it up. One of the main points of today's message was that Unity is so important.
I totally agree that Unity is probably God's ultimate goal in this thing call life. However, I found myself in a personal dialogue saying to myself, "Even though we may be moving toward unity with each other, I don't think we're moving intentionally into unity with who God is."

Here's why:

At the church I attend, and at so many others in this city and country, we talk like we're so far away from God. The central theology of Christianity is that the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ has bridged the gap between "fallen man" and God. I don't think many of us actually believe that. You can tell by what we say:

"Come down, Jesus!"
"Holy Spirit, we invite you to come!"
"Oh God, I'm so empty without you."
"Jesus, help me find you... draw me closer!"

None of us really believe that we are united with God. We still live a life that says we are sinners trying to get to Heaven. And, that's just not the understanding I get when I read Scripture, or when I commune with God.

I think one of the biggest obstacles with us being in Unity with God, is the fact that we try to be in Unity with God. "Lord, what do I have to do to make you happy? What do I have to say to make me a better Christian?"
I think we hear comments like that all the time at church. The trouble is, because we can't see Jesus in the flesh, we just don't believe He's with us. We are so entrenched in the circumstances of life that we just can't see past the temporal. And, I'd say that's true for just about all of us, whether we are Christian, another religion, or no religion. I don't know anyone who has faith to believe in what isn't seen on a regular basis.
Oh, we all have moments where, somehow, we transcend mortality, and touch the Divine. We hear these great messages, whether it be from Brad Jursak or Deepak Chopra about how the Divine Life is all around us, just waiting to be discovered. But, for the most part we walk around where tanning glasses (have you ever tried to actually wear those things outside of the tanning booth? You don't see much, do you?), clinging dearly to everything and anything we can see. And, God save us from what we can't see!

So, is Unity the answer?

I'd like to think it is... but, I don't know many who are moving in that direction.

Where am I?

2007-01-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

The other day, I had a friend ask me, "So, where's J?" I thought it was a deep philosophical question, so I started to reply about what I'd been reading in The Way of the Wizard: "I'm nowhere... I'm everywhere...." But, my friends said that's not what they were talking about - I'm not the same person they expected.
Their response really threw me for a loop. Was I acting? Am I not myself, lately? I was really quite perturbed by that response; "Why can't I be who I am right now? Why do I have to be this person that you were expecting?" is what I thought. But, my initial thoughts were not a fair assessment - they were just reaction... me choosing to be insulted.

To be honest, I don't really know where I am. On the surface, almost nothing since September has gone to plan, and it just seems to be getting worse. There is definitely something undesirable under the surface... I find myself feeling inferior to just about everyone I know. Somehow, I have lost my identity.

It's funny... I have been reading about getting past Ego, and moving toward a deeper understanding of life; however, as I am typing this, I realize that it is, in fact, my ego that is causing this identity crisis. My ego says, "I am my job; I am my duties; I am all this stuff." However, the Truth says, "I Am," plain and simple. It doesn't help that I have been spending a lot of time with ego-centred people in the last several months - we become who we hang around with.

So... where am I? I don't know. But, something I've come to realize, even as I have typed this out, is that wherever I am is OK. In fact, it is Good because Someone knows exactly where I am, and He's got it all under control. Control is not my job.

Shhh.... It's A Secret

2006-12-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

I watched a video this evening with a few good friends of mine called The Secret. I believe the idea for the video was developed by Bob Proctor, a man I'm coming to respect greatly in the areas of self-education.

So, what is The Secret? Well, this isn't the first time I've heard about this wonderful teaching. I actually was introduced to this Secret by God several years ago. It's funny how all of these great teachings are scattered throughout the Scriptures. What the Secret is, is the Law of Attraction. Like Gravity, we are all subject to this Law, whether we want it, believe in it, or not. What we think about and feel, we create.
If you think how wonderful and great everything is, you'll tend to keep getting more of the same. And, the same goes for the focus we give to the crap. Ever notice that crap comes in bunches... when you start a day on the wrong side, the whole day seems to be ruined? Quantum physics is starting to prove these theories to be true - stuff that God has had on the go for ever! :)

This video is right in line with a book I just picked up called The Way of the Wizard by Depak Chopra. I'm only a little ways into the book, but it's reawakening truths that I learned many years ago, and had... well, forgotten. It's not that I actually forgot about them - I have been using them, just very infrequently.
The actually wording in this book will make Christians cringe; but, I know that God "is in all and through all" - He's always there, waiting to be discovered. When I substitute the word wizard with God; Merlin with Jesus: and, Arthur with me/you the book is amazing! It totally awakens the soul to the truths of Scripture. I'm not at all saying that this book is on par with the Bible - not even close! The Bible has way more Life in it than any book that I'm aware of. But, if you store the Truth of the Word in your heart, you'll be able to find it, and have it illuminated in just about anything. And, it is being illuminated for me in The Way of the Wizard. I highly recommend it!

I really only wanted to write to give people a recommendation. I'll likely write soon about actual life, and how it's responding to this video and this book.

Ciao!

Left Behind

2006-12-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when most people drift out of our lives, we just assume their lives are fulfilled, and they don't really need to talk to us? I think that because there are always new people coming into our lives, we tend to not think about making time for the old friends that have drifted away. I'm pretty sure that's what happens at church. As far as I know, people who haven't been to church get maybe one courtesy call, and that's it - there are just too many new people to connect with to have time to keep the relationship with the people who have drifted off. I mean, if they've drifted off, they probably don't want to be at the church, anyway - right?

Every once in a while, I bump into an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We talk vaguely about what life is like now, and often make empty promises to stay in touch. I know for myself, I usually wait for them to make the first move - which rarely happens. So, because that's what I'm thinking, I'm sure the other person is thinking the same. Our fears are confirmed: "they really didn't mean what they said." And, we all end up feeling left behind.

So, how do we remedy this situation? What goes around comes around. It has to start with me; but, will I do anything about it? I don't know if I will right now. I go through these seasons of wanting to connect with people that I haven't seen in a while... but, they don't seem to last. But, if I'm not going to pick up the phone, how can I expect others to do just that?
Most people I know suck at staying connected. If someone doesn't call, we tend to get all insulted, when really, it's just as easy for us to call, isn't it?

One thing I do know, that if I'm left behind, I know I'm not missed a whole lot; but, I know I'm not forgotten completely. There always seems to be an open door to reestablish the relationships. If there are any of my old friends reading this that want to hook up, feel free to give me a call... I may be calling you in the next little while, myself.

Cheers!

Car for Sale!

2006-11-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

We've decided to sell our Saturn. It's a '96 SL2, 4dr w. a spoiler. Black w. tan interior. Exterior and Interior are in great shape, just needs a bit of engine work. If you or anyone you know is handy with that sort of thing, you've got yourself a great car that'll last you a while.
Only 150,000km

We're looking for $1200, OBO.

Tag! You're it!!

2006-11-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

OK, so a good friend of mine has tagged me with an blog-assignment. I have to share 5 things about myself that nobody knows, then tag 5 people with the same assignment.

1. I am confused.
- I live life trying to be as confident as possible, but a lot of times I feel forgetable (it's amazing how few people recognize me after a long time apart) and ashamed that I haven't been able to accomplish more.

2. My hobby is a distraction from what I really need/want.
- I built a fishroom and have 14 aquariums to keep me busy so that I forget about all of the wonderful things that I don't want to do because they're hard and have caused me alienation. I'm still alienated, but at least my hobby is "normal".

3. Deleted on behalf of Mother-in-law...

4. I'm shallow.
- I think #3 gives that away. I enjoy deep conversations, but I've let quite a few friendships go because I didn't care enough to really go deep with them. Most days I think I'm becoming more like everyone else - we're all a bunch of shallow assholes!

5. I hate work.
- OK, that's not a secret. But, really. When I take 3+ days off from working - actual job stuff - I feel alive. Unfortunately, just living doesn't pay the bills. I do enjoy my line of work, but I'm not sure if I've found that magical job - you know, waking up and hardly being able to wait 'til you go to work?

So, people to tag:

1. The Winters (yes, both!)
2. Jenn (my partner in crime)
3. M (the anonymous commentor - now you need to start a blog!)
4. Noah (don't be a stick in the mud, just do it!)
5. Emily (what's life overseas like, really?)

6. Canopians (I know, I'm only supposed to do 5, but here's something to stretch you)

Restlessness

2006-11-09T17:48:00.000-07:00

I think it's good to be restless - at least a bit. It means that you're not content with where you're at. You're not stuck in a rut, unaware that life is happening around you.

I see life happening around me - in fact, in a lot of areas of my life, I'm making life happen. It's quite exciting. But... There's a place that I've called home for a while that has gotten stuck in a rut. It used to be a place that was cutting edge - we were a group of friends treading into the unknown, willing to risk. Well, it's not like that anymore - at least I don't see it. I know there's a time coming where the very foundations of this house that I'm referring to will be shaken - I think people will be quite surprised at how it all comes around. There's always a price to pay for complacency. I know...

So, restlessness. It's good. I think all of our feelings/emotions have an important roll in our lives - we just have to learn to listen to them, yet keep them in line. We can't let them control us; but, they can't/shouldn't be ignored, either.

I want to write more, but the words just aren't coming. I'm a bit distracted, too, so that's not helping. More to come, I'm sure!

Cheers!

Cure for Road Rage

2006-11-03T14:11:00.000-07:00

You know, there are a lot of whacko's out there. Some people get upset at the littlest things, and completely lose it! How many times have you hear or read in the news about some idiot ramming his car into someone else b/c they cut him off, or something... or even worse, pulling a gun on them?

Thankfully, some of our domestic automakers are trying to improve our streets by implimenting some special options on newer models that will help limit the incidences of road rage in our country.

Cure For Road Rage

Life's Changes

2006-11-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

So, late last week, my wife decided to start a blog about our family, since we'll be 1 more in about 6 months. Life just keeps us on our toes, doesn't it?!

So, if you feel so inclined, visit Life In Millerville - it's linked in the "Blogs" feature.

A New Life

2006-10-20T08:58:00.000-06:00

So, a new life is beginning for me. I have a new career that I just love. I am helping everyday people win with their finances! In a society where the middle-class is being whittled away (Financial forecasts say that the way things are going, there will be no middle-class - just rich and poor - in 15 yrs), I can help make a difference for people's futures.
So far, I haven't drastically changed anyone's life; but, when I can help a family free-up several hundred, to over a thousand dollars a month that they didn't even know they had, it's quite rewarding to see the hope in their eyes.
At my last job, I was part of the behind-the-scenes crew that put together a positive, uplifting magazine. I knew I was doing something that had a positive impact on people's lives; but, I rarely even heard about it, let alone saw the impact 1st hand. Now I see that every day! I love it!

Another bonus about my new career is that I don't sit at a desk, or drive in my car for 8+ hours a day. Over the 4 years of my previous job, I went from being fit (albeit about 5lbs away from my ideal weight) to being soft, out of shape, and 10lbs overweight. In these past several weeks, I've been able to do more of what I love, and have lost 5lbs to boot!
In this new season, I am looking forward to getting back into shape. I may never find my former glory; but, I know that I can trim up, and have more energy than I have in a long time. It is taking me a while to actually get into a work-out regime. Ideally, I'd prefer to work out at a gym; but, as I get started in my new career, cash-flow is limited, so I'll have to hold off on that, likely 'til the New Year.

How often can a man be "born again"? I'd say that most evangelicals would say it's a once in a lifetime event: "You say 'Yes' to Jesus, and you're born again - it's that simple."
But, I'm not so sure that's it. I had an epiphany one day a year or two ago. I was going through a somewhat similar train of experiences that I'm in now and realized that, if we choose to, we have the opportunity to be "born again" every moment of every day!
One thing that I've learned is that Jesus forgives - plain and simple. His arms are always outstretched to anyone who wants to start anew. So, why not? That's what I'm thinking right now... why don't I be reborn? Why don't I let Him raise my soul from the dark places it's been this past while?
Do you know how refreshing it is to have your soul awakened? Do you know what it feels like to have hope; to be able to dream once again; to know that your future is wide open - that your past can no longer chain you up?
It has been written: Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

Today, I am born again. And, tomorrow - if I need, or if I choose - I shall be born again, and again. There is hope for a new day everyday. Praise the Lord!

What does God really want?

2006-09-26T17:36:00.000-06:00

I had the most amazing compliment the other day. Somebody called me a "good Christian". The context was comparing myself to other people they knew in a few different churches, where this person had been hurt and, from their point of view, shunned.
I was blown away!

The reason I was so surprised was that I don't really see myself as a "good Christian" - and I highly doubt my church-friends would call me one. I generally don't follow the "rules" and live my life pretty much the way I want. Oh, I pray and worship, and interact with God; but, I also drink and listen to secular music for the most part.
I am not the one who'll tell someone they're going to Hell unless they "accept Jesus". I will not tell you that how you live your life is wrong. The more that I live; the more people I meet; and, the more time I meditate on what it means to Live Life, the more I am convinced that God is not intent on seeing those that do not "follow" Him suffer.

I've heard a man say many times that God is bringing humanity through the least amount of suffering to bring about the deepest connection to Himself without violating 'free will'. In short, everything that happens is designed to bring our relationship with God to a deeper level.... EVERYTHING.
If that weren't so, the either God would not be sovereign, or He wouldn't be loving.

Anyway, back to the topic I started originally....

Someone out there sees Christ in me in a way they don't see Him in other Christians. I ask myself why....
I think it's because I generally accept people for who they are. When I meat them, or talk about faith, my goal is not to get them to change so that God will like them more; nor, is it to convince them that Christianity is the "be all and end all". If anything, I would hope to encourage anyone to meet Jesus - He's such a great guy!
When I follow His story through the Gospels, I do not see a man who wants or needs people to change. Instead, I see a Man accepting of all who need love - He loves everyone who's looking for Love! That's what I see.

So, what does God really want? I believe He is leading us on the ultimate journey for Love. But, how often to we find something other than Love to plant our flag in? Every mission seems so noble at first; if only we'd carry on instead of setting up camp and building a society of religion. In my opinion, religion is not Love.

Thank you so much for the compliment. It is truly humbling. I hope and pray that I can show Christ to many as I've somehow been able to show Him to you.
Blessings.

Playing it Safe

2006-09-21T08:39:00.000-06:00

So, this morning as I'm in the shower, I start singing Jon Bon Jovi's Midnight In Chelsea; there's a part of the chorus that goes:

No one pins their dreams on me

No one's lookin at me to be...

I'm the man I wanna be, the man I wanna be

Midnight in Chelsea

I'm singing this song, and I get this little witness saying, "Yeah, you are the man you want to be; but, are you the man I want you to be?"

In a split second I have a barrage of thoughts that basically boil down to the point that I'm playing it safe with my life.

Each of us has a specific Calling on our lives. And, most of us spend our entire lives running from that Calling because we're afraid that it means we'll have to give up our freedom, or we'll have to do something we don't want to do. Or.... that we'll end up alone. That's why I run from it. I lived the Life I was meant to for a while. It left me quite lonely because I knew so few who were willing to Live - most just wanted to survive. "Just let me live out what I know - I want security," is what we say to the ones who call us to Live.

Abraham Lincoln once said, "Anyone who is willing to give up one ounce of freedom for security, doesn't deserve either." I agree. And, I am guilty for giving up freedom.

You see, living the Life we're meant to - that we're Called to - is living in the utmost freedom. If we deny the Life, then we enslave ourselves to mediocrity. Mediocrity has become the god of this generation. I'm not talking about technology or financial success - I think our generation are perfectionists in those areas. But, where we've bowed down to mediocrity is in our spiritual lives, in our morals. We've lost touch with what is True, and have settled for ideas that appeal to our spiritual and moral mediocrity.

It's easy to play it safe.... at first. But, once I realized what I've been doing these past couple years, I've become increasingly disgusted with my life.

"Well, why don't you change it?" you are probably asking. It comes down to being alone. However, now I know some people who are Living - or at least longing to Live. It's so bizarre; I am actually becoming more alone, the longer I stay where I'm at. It'd be much better for me - and probably for everyone else - if I just let go of the crap I'm holding on to that is keeping me from Life; and, just go for broke.

God promises to catch us if we fall running to Him. He's there to Love us, to Grow us up into His very likeness. "Playing it safe" - settling for comfort and 'security, instead of Living the Life we're Called to - is not safe at all. No, going full tilt for Life is the only secure place. Everything else is like shifting sand - you just can't stand on it.

Paul exhorted the Galatians not to focus on circumstances - whether good or bad - for, they always change. Instead, he encouraged them to focus on the Eternal Truths of Christ; for, in Him alone is lasting and permanent security.

Let's hold back, no longer, friends. Let's Live!

I'm Bloggin' Free!

2006-09-12T21:20:00.000-06:00

I have found out over the last week or so that there are a lot more people I know that read my blog than I originally thought. Sometimes, when I think about that I start getting 'censored' thoughts: "...can't let too many people in."

But, Blog it!

Do you remember the Smurfs? Those little blue things that would have a Smurfin' good time where ever they went. They'd just Smurf around, doing nothing; getting chased by that Smurfin' wizard Gargamell. I loved how every time they wanted to cuss, they just substituted the word "Smurf". Yep - they were smart little Smurfs. Gettin' away with cussing on Saturday Smurfin' morning!

Anyway, since this is a blog, I'm going to use that word instead!

Aw... fuck it! That's just stupid.

So, I am now unemployed. I left work in class - I think I broke a 11 year sales record today. I can now afford to sit on my ass for a couple months, enjoying my new freedom of self-employment. Actually, I doubt I'll just sit. I have much to do. I think I've mentioned only a few times that I enjoy keeping fish. I have a fishroom to finish! I have a bigass tank to set up! Oh, I'm going to enjoy the next few weeks, that's for sure!

.....

Bloggin Free...

Are any of us really free? I've been pondering on a number of blogs written by people at The Canopy. I, and I think we all are to at least some degree, am a slave to poor thought-choices. There were 2 years in recent memory that I would say I was mentally healthy - I had conscious control of my thoughts. When a lie would try to surface, or some thought other than what leads to life came up, I'd stop it right where it started.
But, how many of us do that. I'll be that out of all of the people who read this, there may be one who does consciously control their thoughts. Most of us are slaves to random thoughts that keep us bound. We become what we think about, right? If we have thoughts of malice, jealousy and slander, guess what? We become malicious, jealous gossipers. Now, before you point your finger and say, "Maybe you, but not me," let your conscience judge you. Be honest.

I'm hoping that during this time of freedom, I'll be able to gain peace of mind again. I hope to have the discipline to gain control once again. I want to be that kind of influence once more.

AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!

2006-09-08T11:59:00.000-06:00

The kitchen's on fire!
The cat's stuck in a tree!
The baby's crying!
The phone is ringing!

I need this week to be over!

LIfe Vicarious

2006-09-03T15:12:00.000-06:00

I've been blogging vicariously through others' sites the last couple of days - most of which are linked at the sidebar.

With all of this carrier change that's happening, I really feel God saying that as important as this move is, it's not the heart of the matter. Oh, "the heart of the matter." I think I have a post about a song of that name, somewhere back there - probably 14 months or so ago.

We live in such a shallow life....

I don't really want to type anymore.

Winding Down

2006-08-30T14:23:00.000-06:00

You know when you're reading a book, and you can't wait to read what comes next? But, you can't just skip ahead! No! You might miss something! But, the suspense is driving you mad!
That's what my life is like, right now. I want to be finished this chapter of my life. I want to start the next one; but, I can't.
The next chapter isn't quite ready to be written, and the ending has yet to be finished on the current chapter. Oh, that I had a bit more patience.

See, it'd be simple if I was just switching jobs; but, I'm not. I'm moving into the nebulous world of Self-employment. I've been there before, and I didn't fair well.... but, that was over 5 years ago. Things are different now... right?
Well, I do have a good bunch of guys to work with, and from the looks of things the compensation is such that I should be able to work when I want to. Plus, I think I'm going to like this new line of work.
But, in order to start this new business, I actually have to get educated. There are a series of tests that I must pass. I took one a few weeks ago, but didn't make the grade (for the 1st time in my life, I didn't pass an exam!); so, I write again this weekend. I took a practice exam last night and scored an 80%, so I'm feeling fairly confident - still time for some more last-minute studying, tho!

I love where this job is leading. It's leading to more time at home - I am looking forward to spending more time with my wife! Plus, I'm a major fish-head: I have 9 aquariums on the go now, have plans for 5 more!
It's great to have a carrier that'll fund your fun!

So...

As this chapter in life winds down, I am anxiously awaiting something new. I CAN HARDLY WAIT!

OK, here's the Skinny

2006-08-25T08:40:00.000-06:00

It's being organized by a few clients of mine, and will be hosted by TAG Paintball - just a bit outside Edmonton. It's Western Canada's largest paintball field.

50 Teams of 14
28 Games
1.7 Million Paintballs!
8 Hours of fun!

Ok... the cost is $250/person, but there're cash prizes that range into the thousands of dollars! It basically works out to a day's wages for a day's fun. Start saving those pennies!

Largest Amature Paintball Tournament in Canada

2006-08-24T12:28:00.000-06:00

OK, who's in??!!

A client of mine is hosting what is going to be the Largest Amature Paintball Tourney in Canada. Cash & Prizes to be won!

It's on Oct. 14 of this year. I'm putting together a team of 14. If you're in, let me know!

Hey Nostradamus!

2006-08-19T22:59:00.000-06:00

I hate this book. But, I can't leave it alone. It's fiction, but it's just too real. It reminds me how much I detest religion.

"But, J... you're a Christian - you're religious," is what you're thinking, isn't it?

No, my friends. I hate religion. I hate a bunch of rules that just bind people up and make them... unhuman! I hate how it excludes those who are nowhere near free, and those who are (becoming) free.
But, to deny it's in me is to lye. I see it there, and I hate it. I hate how I don't associate with certain people because they're not like me... though the disassociation is not because I don't like them, but because it's just not kosher. I'm such a coward, sometimes.

But, really; this book is just too much. I have to keep reading it, but I feel that I need a couple days off from everything, just to process it.

Us and them.... I hate it. Eric, I hate it.

Today Is Yours

2006-08-17T16:52:00.000-06:00

Today is yours -
to reflect on your dreams.
to reach for the future.
to savour your individuality.
and dance to your own rhythm -
A day to celebrate yourself.

- Andrea L. Mack

Friends?

2006-08-17T10:09:00.000-06:00

There are several people I once spent some time with, but I don't see anymore. I interact with them primarily through their blogs.
Recently, another friend of mine - from a different circle completely - has obviously befriended some of these people who's blogs I haunt. This friend informed me that it wasn't cool to comment on their blogs b/c I don't hang out with them anymore.
Now, every time I read a friend's blog, whom I haven't spoken to face-to-face in a long while, I hear this other person telling me I'm not supposed to be there. And, every time I hear that voice, I want to say "Shut... the F*$&... Up!"

Now, I do still consider this person, who says I'm out of place, a friend. I respect their opinion and enjoy talking to them whenever the occasion arises. That's probably why it bugs me. There may be one or two of the people I used to know who don't want me to comment on their blog, but I'm pretty sure the others appreciate what I say... that I still care.
I don't know... I guess it will always be this way. Most people are so.... dramatic!

See, there are people in my life that I don't see very often anymore - I may never see them again. But, we were friends once. And, I will always call them a friend. I will always welcome them. Sure, we may not share the deepest parts of our souls to one another (did we ever?), but the way I see it, the doors always open to them.
But....
I know so many people who say, "They haven't called me in days/weeks/months. Screw them!" I just think, "When was the last time you picked up the phone, sent an email, dropped in? F#*%in' hypocrite." But, I usually try to be sympathetic and disarm the bomb.
People get busy. Life moves at such a break-neck speed, we can't expect to stay in touch w. everyone on our own. If it's not a 2-way deal, it just doesn't happen. If you want to connect with someone, you're gonna have to put some effort into it.

THAT'S JUST THE WAY LIFE IS

It isn't bad. It isn't good. It just is.

I have a friend, whom I haven't seen in quite a while. When we did get together, it was always in larger groups - and we were always closer to someone else in that group - so, we never really spent any time to really connect. However, they blog their life. And, I am glad that I'm able to still be a part of their life. I hope that I can offer some hope and encouragement in the comments I leave. I care for them. I feel for them quite a bit - I think we've gone through similar things in life (tho, they probably wouldn't think so).

Anyway. The whole point of this blog is to say:

I COMMENT BECAUSE I CARE.

If you're a friend from a bygone time, and don't think we're 'close enough' for me to comment on your blog (or on someone else's blog), I'm sorry. Ask me to keep it to myself. But, please realize, I'm not trying to be nosy, or bossy, or a know-it-all. I'm just trying to relate... to share a piece of myself.
Sometimes, online is the only place we can.

Let it Spring from Love

2006-08-14T15:11:00.000-06:00

The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
the deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character.
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings.

- The Buddha, 563-483 BCE

Life's A Changin'

2006-08-14T13:17:00.000-06:00

I'm looking forward to the next few weeks. Though, I don't really feel any different, emotionally - I don't have any anxiety, trepidation or fear; I am going to be taking my financial life into my own hands... I'm going to start working for myself.
This week, I study, study, study; then on the weekend, I take a course and write an exam that, should I pass, will set me on my way to being a Financial Advisor. I will be able to help just about anyone take what they have and make it grow with little risk at all. I've already seen what it can do for friends of mine. Without increasing their monthly spending, they're able to insure both of their lives, pay off a couple loans, and invest a good chunk of change. When they retire, they'll have a healthy $60K+/year income... and taxation will be at a minimum!

One thing that is getting me charged up emotionally, is the idea of prayer. The people I work with now often pray together, and a couple of the newbies commented on how they enjoyed listening to me pray. I started to say that it used to be my favorite thing to do; but, then I realized that it still is.
As my schedule in the days to come becomes more clear, I am hoping to be able to get together with a few friends and pray more often.

The prayer I love and believe in is not so much the, "God, can you help me with this and that," kind of prayer. I love to take what God has spoken - in Scripture, and in the hearts of man - and declare it over my life, my family and friends' lives, over the city... I love the idea that when I speak with passion and purpose that which is unseen is changed.
I believe that we are foolish if we discount that which we do not see or understand. There is much more to life than what is seen - so much more. Oh, how I wish that I could convey what I've experienced in the spiritual realms of life; for, I know that there are many who have never searched beyond the natural world. But, often times I think that if I could just somehow convey what I've experienced, then they, too, would want to search for what is 'more'.
The doors are open to whoever will find them.

The older I get, the more I am convinced that the J-O-B is not what makes life important. I will not take that page from my parents' book (though, to be fair, it seem they're both writing a new book). I am looking forward to changing my career. I will still be helping people, but I will also be paid a lot more for the time I put in... and I can put in as much or little time as I choose. So, as long as I can meet expenses OK enough, I will have just about as much time as I want to direct toward that which I truly love to do.

Sometimes I think we have it all wrong....

2006-07-21T12:13:00.000-06:00

I read this little poem today. I love it!

Do Not Be Afraid....

To fear -

When you face your fears,
you will find courage.

To fail -

From your failures, you will learn to succeed.

To fall -

Your victory is in rising from the fall.

To stand alone -

If you stand up for what you know
in your heart is right,
you will never stand alone.

To fly -

Your faith will carry you as high as your dreams.

- Sandra E. McBride

Conversation with Grandpa

2006-07-20T13:40:00.000-06:00

So, I had a really edifying conversation with my Grandfather today. He told me how proud of me that he was, and how I was doing a great job at being a man. He shared with me a bit why he did things, etc. etc. It was pretty cool.

But, it was also very weird. You see, my Grandpa died in 1984.

Now, I don't really know what I believe about ghosts, spirits of the dearly departed, and all that. For the most part, I think the stories we tell each other about how "they're always with us," or "looking down on us with love from Heaven," are just fanciful thoughts we share to comfort one another - I don't put much merit in them at all.
How does this conversation with a man who's been dead for over 20 years fit into my theology? Well, it doesn't. There's a reason why I don't pray to the Saints and Mary.... they're all dead - they didn't rise like Jesus did - they're all still waiting, like the rest of us, for Heaven & Earth to be completely restored.... or, so the story goes.

There are a number of possibilities of what actually happened:

1) I am insane, and was speaking to a voice in my head.

You know, I don't have any problem with this. If I'm coo-coo, so be it. At least, I'm not hurting anyone. In fact, the conversation was very encouraging, and I would love to speak to that voice in my head again, anytime.

2) I was actually speaking to Jesus, but for some reason (probably proximity to my Grandfather's grave) He chose to let me think it was Grandpa.

This thought is somewhat troubling because I usually have a very clear sense as to when it is actually the Lord speaking to me. To be honest, I don't converse with Him as much as I used to, so it is possible that I don't recognize His voice as well. But, I do still recognize the voice of Truth, which can be spoken by any number of people - and that's what really matters.

3) It was my Grandpa.

How do I know it was him? I don't really have any memories of him - only what I've seen in pictures, and what my family tells me about him (I wasn't even 5 when he died). I guess I have no actual proof that it was my Grandpa; but, from what he said to me, I believe he is who I think he is.

I'm going through a tough time right now, as I'm not really sure what the next step in life is. But, I know I have to take it; in fact, I should have taken it a few months ago.
But, he encouraged me to stay true to myself. He shared with me about how he moved his family around a bit b/c of his job. But, he never moved b/c he was greedy for more money, or was a pawn to his boss. No, everything he did, he did it because he thought it was what's best for his family.
He's quite proud of how I care for my family. He's actually quite proud of his daughter (my mom) for the way her life is. And, my Grandmother - he loves her as much as he ever has. He's so proud of how strong she is. I could feel his smile as he spoke about her; and, he's so happy for her right now.

I asked my Grandpa if he was "always with me." No, he's not. He's still just a man - he's not omnipotent like God. But, he said that he spends some time with all of his family. I asked him if he knew I was going to be where he met me. He said that he did, but that Jesus had told him I'd be there. I asked if he knew Jesus. He said, "not while I was alive; but, I know Him now, and He is AMAZING!" (how's that for crazy theology, you evangelicals??!!) I must admit, that, though the fact that my Grandfather admitted to not knowing Jesus while alive on earth, but being in Heaven goes against what most of my Christian friends believe; but, the fact that he says Jesus is AMAZING... who can argue with that?!

There are some who would say that my conversation with my departed Grandfather was mere insanity; some would say I was, in fact, speaking with an angel or demon. Me... I think it was him. If Jesus could speak with Moses, who died several thousands of years before He was even born, then why can't I speak w. my Grandfather, who's only been gone 20-some years?

Grampa, if you ever read this, thanks for the conversation. I look forward to the next one.

J

Could He be telling me something?

2006-06-15T15:09:00.000-06:00

So, I get this email the other day from Jack Canfield (of Chicken Soup For The Soul fame) with a subject line of, "Are you being completely fulfilled?" Without even reading what the email was about, I answer with a resounding, "No!"
Of course, he's promoting a book to help me get on track, and I'm tempted to buy it - he usually recommends good things.

There also seems to be a "Changing Of the Guards" of sorts at work. My manager, our asst. editor, and one of our graphic artists are all leaving at the end of the month; which leaves me praying often as to how it's all going to shake out in the months to come. When you work in an office that only employs 8 people, 3 leaving is a HUGE deal!
I've not been 'completely satisfied' - to use Jack's phrase - at my job for quite a while. A couple of years ago, I told my boss that I didn't really like what I was doing, and he convinced me to stay b/c things were changing. A year ago, I told him that I wasn't any more satisfied, but, again, change was happening... so, I stayed. Now, the foundations of this organization are being shaken - this is the hardest month that I can remember - I am praying for direction.

The answer I keep getting is that I can't stay.

So, now I am planning my resignation. I like everything at my current job to just pull the plug, and jump ship w. the others. I'll likely stay another couple of months, making my tenure an even 4 years.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And, with at least a week of vacation slotted in there, all I have to do is get through this month, and it's home free.... kinda.

The Truth About Life

2006-06-01T15:48:00.000-06:00

Someone gave me a little calendar w. some nifty little sayings and such. Don't know who gave it to me - it was just on my desk one day at work.... I like it.
I just got back in the office today from a few days work out of town, so I started peeling away the days. Here's what Saturday's said:

to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it,
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, and obesity of grief,
you think, how long can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you again.

- Ellen Bass

This is pretty much how I feel about life right now. It's hard. It's not as fun and reckless as it once was; but, it's still to be cherished.
Yes, no matter how crappy circumstances my be, Life is Good!

Sofa King Tired

2006-05-25T11:26:00.000-06:00

I don't know what it is, but I am so tired lately. Is it Mono? I don't think so. I haven't had a relapse in years. I think it comes from total job dissatisfaction. I like the organization I work for, I like the people I work with, I like the results that my job produces.... but, I am not liking my job very much at the moment.

Right now, what really appeals to me is Vacation! My sister is off to the Island for a week - I wish I could be there too. Instead, I'm heading the opposite direction on Sunday - no beach on my horizon. Just miles of plain and accounts to renew. Hopefully, I can get it all done in a couple of days.
Sometimes, I think staying at my job is going to come down to a decision of what I think is more important: my sanity, or this organization's survival. Am I thinking too highly of myself? I hope so! I hope I can just take off on the road back to sanity, and this place will carry on as if I'd never left. That'd be a miracle - and God knows, we believe they happen....
That reminds me of a line in a Brian Adams song:
Just because I don't believe in miracles doesn't mean they don't come true...

That could get me going on a really deep thought process.... but, I'm too tired to really let that train of thought go on.

I think I'll go down to my car, and listen to said song, and take a nap.

Cheers

Chaching!!??

2006-05-11T15:33:00.000-06:00

This article is from AdvantEdge Magazine:

Perceptions of Success

A cruise ship docked in a tiny Mexican village. While at port, an American tourist complimented a Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.
“Not very long,” answered the mexican.
“But, then why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American
The Mexican explaned that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar and sing a few songs... I have a full life.”
The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and mabye even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise.”
“How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.
“Twenty, perhaps 25 years,” replied the American.
“And after that?”
“Afterwards? That’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the American, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!”
“Millions? Really? And after that?”
“After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends.”

“What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.” - Bob Dylan

This is a wonderful little story that was submitted to AdvantEdge anonymously. One could infer several things from this story. Some might see it as a justification to just accept one’s life as is because wealth, success and achievement don’t really create happiness. However, I see it differetly. I think it illustrates that seeking wealth or success just for the purpose of wealth or success is fruitless, becaues the achievement will not contribute to your happiness. Before setting out to achieve a goal, make sure that the goal is one that will truly add to your happiness. As for the fisherman in the story, he already had the happiness he desired, and, therefore, spending more time in that place was the best use of his time.

I love the last comment from this article. Is it wrong that our culture lives in luxury while other countries have to 'get by' with so much less? I'm not so sure. Yes, those who have more have a responsibilty to help those who have less...
But, what I do believe Western culture struggles with - along with any other culture - is the need to be like everyone else. And, like many other culturespropagandanundated with so much propaganda telling us what 'everyone else' is like.
Will we feel better because we have as much or more than our neighbor? I'm not so sure... But, one thing is for sure - we don't want to be alone.

Friends, don't let your neighbors, parents, friends or spouses tell you what's going to make you happy. There is a Voice within us all that is telling us what we were made for.

I believe with all my heart that we're called to prosperity; however, I will not be one to stand there and tell the Mexican that he's not prosperous.... it's an obvious fact that he is!

Follow your dreams - not your neighbors.

If I Had My Life to Live Over

2006-05-08T13:45:00.000-06:00

If I had my life to live over, I'd dare to
make more mistakes next time. I'd relax.
I would limber up. I would be sillier than
I have been on this trip. I would take fewer
things seriously. I would take more
chances. I would climb more mountains
and swim more rivers. I would eat more
ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps
have more actual troubles, but I'd have
fewer imaginary ones.

By Nadine Stair

Is obedience by the Book?

2006-04-07T09:55:00.000-06:00

I had a wonderful revelation last night. I'm not sure if it was in a dream, or as I was falling asleep; but, God showed me the difference between being a slave to the Law, and being obedient to Him.

I think many - if not most - Christians are slaves to the Law. We follow what's written in the Bible because it's written in the Bible. We've made the Word our god. We idolize words on a page because they were inspired by God. That's just as bad as idolizing spiritual gifts - going to church and gatherings to be knocked over by the Spirit, filled with laughter, or speaking words that are beyond comprehension.
The Word and Gifts are great, desirable; but, they shouldn't supersede devotion to the One who gives them.

When one is walking in obedience, you will see him follow the commands and decrees of God, you'll see him walking in the gifts of the Spirit; however, those are not his motivation. No, they are fruit, born from an intimate relationship with the Living God.
People these days seem to be afraid to "follow God" because they see people in the 'Church' living lives of desperation, striving to live by a Book. It's not fun! Instead, people say they're going to "follow their heart". This is what God is asking for! The only problem is that many people who are following their heart aren't in tune with God. They are in tune with their fleshly desires. They've stilled the voice of their hearts, and follow the voice of the flesh; not realizing that what's good for the spirit brings life to the body.
Unfortunately, it doesn't work the other way around. Fulfilling the desires of the flesh all too often lead to a dead and listless soul. You read it all the time - celebrities saying their life is not fulfilled even though they have everything a body could ask for.

There is One who can fulfill all of our desires - bringing life to both our souls and our bodies. And, ironically, the best place to find out what His Voice sounds like is in the very place that many have wandered away from Him to. It's in the Bible.
You see... The Bible doesn't just have to be words on a page; It can seed in our hearts, bringing life in a world of death. And, the wonderful thing is, that once you can know His Voice, you discover that He doesn't just dwell in the pages of the Bible; but, you can hear His Voice in everything.
He has written His Truth on our hearts. And, the primary purpose of reading the Bible is to reawaken the voice of our hearts. Once we begin to hear Truth more and more, we can recognize Its Voice in our everyday lives. Life becomes exhilarating once more!

So, when we read the Bible, let's not say, "OK, so it says to 'give to the poor', so I should go out and give money to beggars, or help out at the downtown mission." Instead, let us say, "OK, so it says 'give to the poor', so Lord what does that mean for me?" Then stop. Listen. LISTEN! He will give you the answer - whether it comes as a 'feeling', a thought, an inner voice... whatever.
Then you can walk in obedience. Then you can begin to "be the a Hands and Feet" of God. Then you will be a witness to Christ's Glory to the world.

Friends, don't be a slave to words on a page - or even worse - to words spoken by your pastor/priest. Instead, listen to these words, let them take seed in your heart; then, ask the Lord for revelation (Eph. 1). Then we can live the life we're meant to live - full and alive!

The Curse of Man-pleasing

2006-03-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

I have been living a painful life for some time, now. Yes, there have been moments of joy and happiness; however, there has been an overall lack of fulfillment. And, the other day, I believe I discovered the cause of my walking-deadness.

There's a common knowledge that it is better to give than to receive. That it's good to treat people at least as good, if not better, than we treat ourselves. While these teachings are true, there is a danger in giving one's self over to them without proper discernment.

If I look back on where my life started to spiral downward, it is when I decided I no longer wanted to be a radical outcast.
When a person is sold out to their dream - to what they know their life was made for - they don't fit in with most people. The average person, though good and decent, doesn't know how to relate or understand the dreamer. Because the dreamer is different - unrelatible - they are cast out of the everydayness of life.
Sure the dreamer is looked up to, and is often asked for leadership and guidance; but, the exaltation of the dreamer by the average person leaves the dreamer on the outside. In fact, the average person begins to resent the dreamer because the words actions and even presence of the dreamer cause the average to self-evaluate.... the average person begins to notice what is lacking in their own lives. Though, the dreamer doesn't condemn, there is a conviction in the heart of the average whenever the dreamer is around, and erroneously equate the dreamer with causing a feeling of lack... of a deadness in the heart.
So, the average pull away from the dreamer, leaving the dreamer to walk their life alone.
I no longer wanted to walk alone....

But, the dreamer cannot live a mediocre life. As much as I try to cover the dreamer in me with a blanket of average, that inner man screams out. It's easy to muffle at first; but, the dreamer is resourceful. He will not rest until his dream is realized. And so, I have been living with an inner turmoil that is becoming unbearable.
What's more, is it's not just the dreamer within who's calling to be freed. He's enlisted the help of his Best Friend. The Voice from Heaven is inescapable. He not only speaks to me, but he sends others to encourage me to free the dreamer inside me. Friends, acquaintances, complete strangers - He brings them all to me to speak to and give strength to the dreamer inside. He will not be silenced.

Though, the spirit of the average tries and struggles to stay in command, my heart is convincing me that it's better to live true to myself than to fit in with others. Trying to fit in doesn't work, anyway. Being average has such a foul taste, that I, myself, have become bitter. There is no winning being average. Only the dreamer can succeed.

And so, I focus on the call of God:

"Awaken, you Dreamer! Your time of slumber has ended. I am calling you to renew your journey unto greatness. You are indeed blessed - you have a gift... a gift that needs to be shared. I will not allow My gift to you to go unused. I have blessed you to be a blessing to the world. Allow yourself to be Free, so that you can bring Freedom to the captives. YOU ARE NOT AVERAGE! Nobody was made to be average! So, cast off that blanket, and sore like an eagle - rise up and sore like you were destined to.

"Live, O Dreamer! Live!"

O Lord, will You rise up inside of me? Let me feel the touch of Your Grace. Lift me up in Your Hand. Rise me up to the heavens. Open the eyes of my heart, so that I may follow You... so that I may be like you! Your Grace is sufficient!

Coo-coo

2006-03-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

I think most people who know me think I'm a little unstable, and I don't think I disagree with them much. Sometimes it seems I go from high to low in a matter of hours, without much change in the world around me.... sometimes I just - well, snap isn't the right word, so - droop.

I was listening to a song on my way back to the office, it's by Casing Crowns. The Voice of Truth is a great song, but for some reason, I always hear, "The voice in my head tells me a different story..." How the words really go are, "The Voice of Truth tells me a different story...."

I have had more than one person tell me that I should go on medication, but I don't think it's necessary. I mean, I'm not dangerous to anyone - not even myself. And, I wouldn't trade the highs (though, they don't get as high as they once did), nor the lows for a deadpan J. That would not be good for anyone.

So, I'm gonna carry one in my crazy ways. I'm used to the voice(s) in my head, anyway.

The Christian Dilemma

2006-03-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today's sermon, along with a great many things happening in my life, have stirred up an unrest in my soul. I hate the place I am at, in a sense. I'd love to say that I'm content with where I'm at. I could very easy love my life, as I seem to have everything figured out. My job is great; my marriage - albeit hard - is great; I'm making more money than I have in a very long time... life is good.
Even spiritually, things are going OK. I'm not totally sold out like I once was; but, I think I can definitely relate to people a lot more, now. I pray often, and am involved in "Christian things" as much, if not more than most - I mean my job is to help people know that God loves them, and I love it!
But, I am stuck in this dilemma. This life I'm living isn't enough. There is something inside of me just screaming to get out; but, it just isn't compatible with where I am in life.

So, what does this mean? Does it mean I'm living a lie? Does it mean I've taken a wrong turn? Have I messed up somehow?
I don't think so.....

I think there was a time where I'd just say, "Screw it!" to the rest of my life, forsaking it all to chase after this thing inside of me. However, I believe the path to where I am at has taught me something important about patience.

There's a saying in Solomon's Song that says, "Don't awaken love before it's time."

The very core nature of my soul is being suppressed right now. And, maybe it's a good thing. There are people encouraging me to just let loose and go for it. But, the Wisdom within me says, "Not yet."
There will be a time when it'll be advantageous to charge ahead full bore. But, right now, it's still better to hold back.
Have you ever seen the movie Hidalgo? They start the race hard, then slow it right down for much of the race. But, in order to win, they had to finish the race going all out. They had to go further and faster than what would kill them.
I feel like I'm just past the very beginning of the race. Even though I want to keep charging ahead, I know that in order to finish the race, I must maintain my current pace for a time.

My core beliefs have not changed throughout this time of drought. I know beyond everything that God is Good; and, that His plans for each of us are beyond anything we can imagine - we just have to stay the coarse. We can't give up. As much as I'd have liked to - especially over this last year - I know that the BEST thing I can do is keep pace... Don't rush ahead, as my heart would have me. Nor, should I relegate to a life of mediocrity, as my soul would say is the only way, now.
No, the best thing to do, is to wait. Let Wisdom be the guide Because, when I am to move ahead, it will kill the man I am now. God's Greatness for any of our lives, causes the execution of the old person we've been for our whole lives; however, It causes the resurrection of the new person we've always yearned to be.

"If I should take happiness from Your Hand, should I accept sorrow too, as well?"
- Kevin Prosch
"Give thanks in every circumstance!"
- St. Paul
"I have plans to prosper you and protect you!"
- God
"Come to me, and I will give you rest."
- Jesus Christ

Great Valentine's Hair Massacre

2006-02-15T16:21:00.000-07:00

So, one day last week, my wife comes to me after watching the news and says, "You know what you can do (for me) for Valentine's Day?" She then directs me to a website and encourages me to sign up. I'm sure she told me to do it for her, but she later denied saying the "for me" part.... oh well. What's done is done.

These pics are pretty low res - take w. my manager's phone, so I hope they turn out.

Here's me on Monday:

And here's me today:

I like the change! I figured, once I shaved off my sideburns, why stop there! I'll keep the Mr. Clean look for a while - maybe grow the mop back this summer.

Triumph vs Disaster

2006-01-31T10:36:00.000-07:00

There is a common belief out there that if we Triumph we are good, we're on God's side, He likes us. However, if we're met with Disaster, we somehow fall short, God has lifted His hand from us for some reason, He's disappointed.

Well, there's a big problem with this school of thought. You see, both Triumph and Disaster are, as Kipling writes, impostors! The goal of both is the same, to get us to look at circumstances. You see, it doesn't matter what circumstances come our way - they ALWAYS change. It's what all of creation displays for us every day!
There's day and night; summer and winter; life and death. All of these examples of Triumph and Disaster playing out don't tell us about good and bad, right and wrong. Is life right when the sun's up, but is wrong when it's dark? How about when a spider eats a mosquito... is it wrong that the mosquito dies, or is it right that the spider can go on living?
No, the Triumph and Disaster of creation don't teach us morality, nor do they display God's favor. Instead, this dynamic of Triumph and Disaster tells us about a wonderful, creative God who has a perfect design.

I am currently reading Journey of Desire by John Eldridge. He has realized that the dynamic of Creation is put there by God to remind us, to point us to the Hope that resides in us all. The Disasters we see in the world around us - be it a gazelle falling prey to a cheetah, or the natural disasters we've been reading and hearing about in our news - remind us of a fallen Eden. And the Triumphs are set up to show us that there is Redemption. God will one day, and is in the process even now, restore Eden to it's original Glory... and greater!

We cannot be distracted from eternity by a deceiving attitude about Triumph and Disaster. The truth is that God's Hand is NEVER lifted from us. He knows when times are though, and he's probably lead us to many of these trials. But, don't despair that God is cruel, for it's only in these Disastrous times that we can be weathered and polished. And, when Triumph finally does come our way, it's a time for rest, for growth.
The thunderstorms rage and blow away all the pretty flowers; but, then the sun shines, and those blossoms return in even greater number. God cast us out of Eden and into an Age of Disaster; however, there will be a time when the Son shines once again, and we'll stand in Eternal Triumph. Though, we won't focus on the triumph; but, on the One who has made us face Disaster, the One who makes us see Triumph.

As Paul wrote to the Thessalonicans, we should "give thanks in all circumstances."(5:18) For, it's not the circumstances that matter - they'll change, no matter what. However, we can be assured that God is with us, and that He is - even now - working everything out for Good.

It's Me!

2005-12-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been thinking of changing a few things up, about myself. Well, this afternoon, I took the plunge!

Most people who know me have never seen me like this.

"I've seen you without a beard!" Sure, you have... but wait... there's something else...

That's right! For the first time in over 10 years I have shaved off my sideburns!

What do ya think? I like it!

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well, holy crap, has it every been a long time since I've written anything here!! I told my friend, Under-cover Nerd, that I really have been blogging, just not on my own site! I've also spent a fair amount of time searching for other notable blogs - that little "Next Blog" button at the top can lead you to many a wonderful (or not so wonderful) place!

It's the day before Christmas.... Where has the year gone!! Sometimes I think it's the industry I work in, and sometimes I think it's because of how busy my evenings are; but, I just have a hard time believing that 2005 is pretty much finished. I long for those days when I was in school and summer was a full 4 months! Or, when I had a good few weeks off in December. I've been thinking a bit lately, about changing fields that I work in. I've been thinking of moving toward a more corporate environment, something a bit more stable.
On one hand that seems smart; but, on the other hand, I can't believe I'm saying that. I believe 100% in the statement that I think Lincoln made once: "A man who gives up any bit of freedom for security, doesn't deserve either."
I'm not saying that I want to sell out for something better. I would like a job that makes more money, and allows for a bit more time off, so that I can spend a bit more time with my wife, friends and family.
What I really need is to be inspired with a new business of my own. Something that I can work at, that will pay the bills, pay off the debt, and that will allow me to set my own hours. I'd prefer something at home, too - that way I can work when everyone's asleep, or take a break and spend time with my wife (or, if she's out, with my fish!). This is where my heart takes me when I dream of "the perfect life".
I'm not opposed to work, at all. I just prefer to work smarter, instead of just harder.

Something that touches me, every time I read it, is the email (there are so many of them) where someone does something special for that person who's in need. The last one I read was about a Mall Santa who went to visit a little girl with leukemia, who wasn't expected to make it through the holidays. His selfless act gave the girl the courage she needed to pull through, and make the recovery she needed to go visit him in the mall the next year.
My friends, this, I believe, is what we are created for. To go beyond ourselves and change - even save - others' lives. I know that, so often, it seems that what we can do won't really matter - it seems too small in our own view (reminds me of a bunch who wouldn't go make history in what would have been the greatest war victory of time because they thought they looked too small in comparison to their enemy - it cost them their Promised Land, and their lives). However, I can tell you that even the smallest things can do a lot!
I have a friend who has been lonely and alienated for a long time. She was recently admitted to a detox centre, and was so blessed when I came to visit her a couple of times. So many times I thought to myself that I could do so much more. But, I began to realize that I wasn't called to do more - I was called to be there and be her friend. She's told me many times that it helped her so much... it really helped her carry it through. Praise God.

We're all here to make our mark in this world. I want to encourage everyone who reads this to do something - even something small - for someone else. Do it today, do it tomorrow. I'm sure it will not only make a difference in those people's lives; but, it will also begin to make a world of difference in your own... it could be your own soul that you save.

Blessings, and Merry Christmas Everyone!

Having Fun

2005-12-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

So, I got a little bored with all of the template suggestions... Hope you like the little subtleties.

Help For Those Who Ask

2005-11-25T12:27:00.000-07:00

So, last night I was thinking about how this week's Amazing Race ended. The Weavers came in last, and weren't eliminated; but, they weren't too excited about it. They've grown weary of being on the outside - while all remaining teams are getting along, the Weavers are ostracized.
But, Phil - the show's host - gave them some very encouraging words, and now they're all set to get on with the Race.

It occurred to me last night, that God had answered their prayers. We've heard them many times asking God to give them strength, and at the end of this week's leg of the Race, He did - thru Phil. Whether the Weavers or Phil realize it, God was at work at that finish line - He, who is the author and finisher of Faith - gave to the Weavers what they needed, and have cried out for since the Race began.

As I was pondering this, God began to show me that there is a spiritual law regarding those who ask. Jesus said, "Those who ask will receive, those who seek will find, and to those who knock the door will be opened."
Is this a law that only works for Christians? Nope - it's a law, and laws work for everyone. We've all heard of countless stories of how athletes and other successful people have reached down inside themselves - not looking to God, but to their own will - asking their very being to make it that one step further. There are witches and others who ask for powers from dark forces to do their magic. And, so many other people, just ask out into the universe for whatever or whoever - be they angels or demons - to give them peace.
No matter who you ask, you will receive.

But, I believe there is only One source that will continue to deliver. Regardless of if you keep your end of the bargain, Jesus will continue to give. And, the best thing is that what He gives is always the best for us. His gifts are not always wrapped in what we think they should be.
The drug addict may ask for something that'll make him feel good, and expect it to be a joint; but, Christ will most likely answer that request with something that will lead him out of his dependency on drugs.
God's answer to those who ask always leads to Freedom. True Freedom. Not the "I'm free so I can do what I want and smoke/drink/sleep around" kind of freedom that really leads into the bondage of addiction. He leads us into the way that will lead us to the Life we were meant to live - a life filled with Love, Joy and Peace - and a multitude of other gifts that a circumstantial world can't take away.

Friends, God does not live in a church - I found him on TV this week! Remember, if you seek Him, you will find Him... it's a spiritual law. So, don't give up.

Blog 102

2005-11-21T13:34:00.000-07:00

There are still a couple more songs that I'd love to share from this new album; but, I've just been too busy. Rest assured that more wonderful lyrics from Bon Jovi are on the way.

Triumphant Brokenness

2005-11-07T11:40:00.000-07:00

Here's another great song from the Have A Nice Day album. It reminds me a lot about a friend I used to hang out with a lot - they were a living representation of the Triumphant Brokenness that is sung about here.
I like this song because it is about the victory over life that we can all have if we just keep pressing on, if we just keep trying.
Like Paul said to the people of Pillipi: "...but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."(3:12) Jesus is always there with us - no matter how tough, or how ugly life is, He'll always be there to share His Light.

I Want To Be Loved

I had a roof overhead
Had shoes on my feet
Yeah, sure I was fed
But no one was there when I was in need, yeah

So, who am I now?
Who do you want me to be?
I can forgive you,
But i won't re-live you
I ain't the same scared kid I used to be

I'm gonna live
I'm gonna survive
I don't want the world to pass me by
I'm gonna dream
I ain't gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna be loved
I wanna be loved

I found a picture
Our so-called family tree, yeah
I broke all the branches
Looking for answers
Don't you know that ain't the way it's supposed to be?

I'm gonna live
I'm gonna survive
I don't want the world to pass me by
I'm gonna dream
I ain't gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna give
I'm ready to try
Willing to lay it on the line
I wanna be loved
I wanna be....

I ain't gonna cry
I don't wanna scream
But I got so much left unsaid inside of me

I'm gonna live
I'm gonna survive
Don't want the world to pass me by
I wanna dream
I ain't gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna give
I'm ready to try
Willing to lay it on the line
I wanna be loved
I wanna be loved
I just wanna be loved

- Bon Jovi

Racing with. the Elite

2005-11-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break from sharing about my new favorite album to write about something that got me thinking the other night.
I've been watching the latest installment of The Amazing Race with my wife. She makes me. Although, I do enjoy it. :)
There is a family on this Race who are very outspoken about their faith - they are Christians and aren't ashamed. It's actually refreshing to see people on national television speak openly about Christ and not be censored. However, they aren't liked. But, I don't think it's Jesus that others don't like about this family....

Like many Christians, the Weavers are using their faith in Christ to exalt themselves above everyone else. They know that because they know Jesus' Name, God likes them better. Often time I think we Christians don't even realize that we don't at all look like "a city on a hill"; instead, we look just like everyone else around us - which isn't bad. But, when we use our religious beliefs to puff ourselves up and put others down, we are not Christians (which means "little Christ's") - we become the religious know-it-alls that we condemn for killing Jesus.

It makes me sad when people I'd refer to as brothers or sisters in Christ can't see past the tip of their noses. Too often, we think that God loves Christians and/or Jews more than everyone else. We're all the sons and daughters of Adam - we all, regardless of religion, race or gender, have that same Breath of God in us.
John, who was arguably Jesus' best friend when He was walking the earth, got it right when he wrote to some of his friends:
"He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world." (1John 2:2)
God love us all the same. Christ's death and resurrection was for us all! That's what our message is! That's the Gospel - that we can all be free! The Gospel isn't "do this, do that, and God will love you more." It's "look at Jesus - He's paved the way for everyone to be free!"

So, because I believe in Jesus, and talk to God, doesn't mean that I'm better than someone who doesn't. He wants us all equally. He needs us all equally (is that heresy??).

Old things passed away; all things created new 2Cor 5:17

2005-10-28T18:33:00.000-06:00

There is such a theme of Redemption throughout this album. The words are great! But, you really must listen to the song to really appreciate it to the fullest.

Welcome To Wherever You Are

Maybe we're all different but we're still the same
We all got the blood of Eden running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You're caught between just who you are and who you want to be

If you feel alone and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning is some beginning's end

Welcome to wherever you are
This is you life; you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
That right here, right now
You're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome to wherever you are

When everybody's in and you're left out
And you feel you're drowning in the shadow of a doubt
Everyone's a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say

When it seems you're lost, alone and feeling' down
Remember, everybody's different; just take a look around

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life; you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
Right here, right now
You're exactly where you're supposed to be

Be who you want to be
Be who you are
Everyone's a hero
Everyone's a star

When you want to give up and your heart's about to break
Remember that you're perfect; God makes no mistakes

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life; you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
Right here, right now
You're exactly where you're supposed to be

I say welcome...
I say welcome...
Welcome...

- Bon Jovi

"I AM who I AM" Exodus 3:14

2005-10-26T22:58:00.000-06:00

I just love this album!!! And this is the song that sold it for me:

I AM

How you spend your minutes are what matters
All tomorrows come from yesterdays
When you're feeling broken, bruised and sometimes shattered
Blow out the candles on the cake like everything's a big mistake
It seems you always wait for life to happen
And your last buck can't buy a lucky break
If all we've got is us then life's worth living

And if you're in, you know I'm in
I'm ready and I'm willing

I am
When you think that no one needs you, sees you or believes you
No one's there to understand
I am
I'll be there to be that someone
When you think that no one is there to hold your hand
I am

We're just who we are, there's no pretending
It takes a while to learn to live in your own skin
Say a prayer that we might find our happy ending

And if you're in, you know I'm in
I'm ready and wiling
I ain't go no halo hanging over my head
I ain't gonna judge you, I'm just here to love you

I am
I am
I am
When you think that no one needs you, sees you or believes you
No one's there to understand you
I am
I'll be there to be that someone
When you think that no one is there to hold your hand
I am

-Bon Jovi

When I went to the store to demo the album, just listening to the first few songs was getting me close to the sale. As I'm reading the titles, I see this title for song 9. I skipped ahead to this song and heard Jesus singing to me.
If this was the message behind what God spoke to Moses on that mountain those thousands of years ago, is it any wonder that he was able to lead the Israelites to the promise they'd been waiting hundreds of years for? When the One who is Love is holding your hand, don't you think that you could do anything?

Oh, how sad it is what religion has done with the image of the Lord. In our journey to understanding the unfathomable, we put God into a box and chase everyone who challenges what our box should look like away.
As hard as it is, I want to encourage you - who ever's reading this - to let God say, "What if I am more than what's in your box?" If your measuring rod for Who God is, is the Bible (as it's mine), perhaps it's time to ask Him to 'open the eyes of your heart' and give you a 'spirit of wisdom and revelation to know Him more'. Let Him speak to your heart as you discover who He is, and not just rely on your own (or someone else's) understanding.

Blessings.

Album of the Year

2005-10-25T18:07:00.000-06:00

I bought it about a month ago, but have just been really listening to it in the last few days, and I must say that Bon Jovi's Have A Nice Day is the best album I've bought, or even listened to in a long time. This could very well be the best compilation of original music the band as put together... EVER! Yes, it's that good!
The lyrics on most songs are quite vertical - meaning they seem to include God, and a heavenly truth to them. As I have time, I'll share a few of the songs here because I think they're worth sharing.
Many of the songs remind me of a friend I had. We used to listen to Bon Jovi together, and were the two biggest fans I knew. I'm sure they have the album to! :)

Here's to all the Bon Jovi fans out there!

HAVE A NICE DAY

2005-10-13T09:56:00.000-06:00

I found this article while reading the headlines in Today's Quebecor Media online publication (basically, a combination of The Sun from major Canadian cities).
How Michael Platt describes modern playgrounds kind of reminds me of how I see my life. "What happened to all the fun stuff??"

Enjoy the article:

Thrill Is Gone
by Michael Platt

I've been hanging around playgrounds. No, not like that -- there's no need to call the police, or keep your children locked indoors.
Maybe what I should say is we've been hanging around playgrounds.

You see, I have my own little girl, so my presence among the slides and swings is perfectly legitimate. Like any dad, I'm a slave to my wee one's thrill-seeking demands.
I push, slide and climb, both to make her happy, and to ensure she's safe.

I've found myself wedged inside playground tubes too tiny to comfortably fit a dachshund, and I've smacked my head on steel bars, while helping her onto slides designed for kids and circus contortionists. I hardly even notice the park gravel anymore, as it trickles into my shoes.

It's all in a day's work for a dad. And my daughter loves playgrounds, or at least the swings. The sheer rush of being a 26-lb. pendulum leaves her giggling and wanting more.

No ride makes her day like a good old-fashioned swing-set, and it's the same story for a lot of kids. Swings are the place to be, while the rest of the playground -- a spaghetti of wood, plastic and old rubber tires -- is usually neglected. The basic swing, the only ride left over from my childhood (and the childhood of anyone raised before basic safety gave way to parenting paranoia) is now the most popular playground attraction.

It wasn't the case back then: swings were fun, but not like the skyscraper-high monkey bars, or slides that required a serious hike to the top, before shooting you back to the ground so fast your stomach felt a full second behind.
I don't have the heart to tell the truth to my daughter, even if she was old enough to understand.
She can't read, so it's safe to print it here. Modern playgrounds are boring.

Seriously -- they're tedious.

Since my playground knowledge contains a gap of about 20 years, can someone please explain what happened to all the good rides%

Unwell

2005-10-12T13:29:00.000-06:00

I've got to get out of this mind-set! Sure life is going ok; but, lately all I can think of is how it used to be. Chuck Dickens was right when he said, "Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." Although, I'm not reflecting on past misfortunes, I tend to think more about what's not happening now.

Here's a song by Matchbox 20 that inspired me to blog:

Unwell

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

I feel as though my confidence is wheining, and dreams are just a blur. Somehow, I've bought into the survival mode of everyone around me. I remember being one who inspired people to dream, to dare to strive for excellence; but, these days, I find myself preaching the status quo: "where you are is OK."

What a crock!

Deep down inside, I know we were born for greatness - each and everyone of us. But, I've bought into the idea that mediocrity is acceptable. "It's OK to be that way - everyone else is, " is what they say.

Something's gotta give....

Hole in the world

2005-10-11T14:25:00.000-06:00

My life has been going pretty good. I feel like I'm getting back on my feet - no longer floating in a world of newness. A routine is being established, I guess. I'm becoming more comfortable with life. It's still exciting, and I'm loving it (no, I'm not infringing on any McD's copyright!), but it's also easier.

It's not this way for everyone, tho. I'm aware of a few friends who're struggling with life. Their worlds have been battered and beaten - some seem to have lost hope, some seem so confused. As I was pondering on these friends of mine, I was reminded of a relatively new song by one of my favorite bands, The Eagles.

Here's the song:

Hole In The World

There's a hole in the world tonight.
There's a Cloud of fear and sorrow.
There's a hole in the world tonight.
Don't let there be a hole in the world tomorrow.

They say that anger is just love disappointed.
They say that love is just a state of mind,
But all this fighting over who will be anointed.
Oh how can people be so blind

There's a hole in the world tonight.
There's a Cloud of fear and sorrow.
There's a hole in the world tonight.
Don't let there be a hole in the world tomorrow.

Oh they tell me there's a place over yonder,
Cool water running through the burning sand.
Until we we learn to love one another
We never reach the promise land.

There's a hole in the world tonight.
There's a Cloud of fear and sorrow.
There's a hole in the world tonight.
Don't let there be a hole in the world tomorrow......

Renewal

2005-09-28T21:04:00.000-06:00

I just had one of the deepest prayer times I've had in quite some time. I had some music playing while I prayed, and this is the song it ended on:

Just Like You

I tried to walk on the water, and found myself under the sea;
So with water up my nose, I felt Your hand come to save me.
I've tried to cast out the demons; I've gone to the darkest of regions.
When fear has me shaking, You suddenly break in to save me.

I desire
To be like You
Like any son or daughter
I want to be like my Father
I desire to be like You
You promised to never forsake me
So I'll risk it all if you make me... like You

You stand beside me just waiting, while I try to go it alone
Smiling you say, "Son come here, won't you let me just help you."
But frustrated I try to make, 'cause I've just got something to prove,
Not knowing that it is my weakness that perfects your power.

I desire
To be like You
Like any son or daughter
I want to be like my Father.
I desire to be like You
You promised to never forsake me
So I'll risk it all if you make me.... like You.

- Jason Upton

This song sums up a lot of what my life has been like over the last while. I had traveled with Him to great heights, then thought, "This seems pretty easy, I think I'll go it alone for a while."
Bad move, J.

Sometimes we're so foolish in thinking that all that God has taught us up until now will keep us going higher and faster for the rest of our lives. We never stop to think that what we've learned so far is only enough to keep us at the present state. If we desire more in Life, we must seek more of Life... and Who is Life? Surely, it isn't me or any other man or woman. God is the One who breathed Himself into us all - He is Life!

So, my prayer tonight was:

Restore to me the joy of Your Salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
- Psalm 51

I long to ride on the wind in His wings once again. I will demote myself, and rightfully follow Him as the Commander of the Lord's Army. For only He knows the end from the beginning; and, only He can direct my life into all prosperity - that is, only He can lead me into the Fullness of Life, for that is really what prosperity is.
I purpose to listen more, and lead less.

Your Kingdom come, O Lord
Your will be done!

Amen.

A new era?

2005-09-23T15:58:00.000-06:00

Well, it seems some decisions have been made for me over the last several months - decisions I didn't even know had to be made.
Do you remember BeatleJuice the cartoon? In one episode, the skeletons in his closet got out and started telling everyone the truth. Well, that's kind of what has happened over the last 1/2 year or so for me. The big difference, the is that I'm not ashamed of these skeletons. I mean, we all make mistakes - live and learn, right? Not for some, I guess....
The weird thing is that many of these things in my life that have recently come to light don't seem such big deals to me. But, both directly and indirectly I've come to realize that certain circumstances in my life, which weren't explicitly made known, but nor were they kept hidden, are not compatible with certain people I thought were friends.

"How could you do this to me?" is a common question I hear at such times. I respond with, "Do what to you?? You weren't even involved? You're so far removed from the circumstance, I don't understand why you'd even care - especially negatively." Now before you read this and think I'm talking about you specifically, I'm not. I am talking about so many instances of this exact conversation that I've had over the last 10 years or so. Why does it always have to be about you?
This is the biggest problem I have with all of this - some people take EVERYTHING so personally. I heard it said a few years ago that "people rarely do anything to others, they mostly do things for themselves." We need to pull our heads out of our asses and actually think about what is happening in other people's lives. Most of us are just trying to survive. We should try to realize this before we take offense - other people's actions are rarely directed at us; they're more often directed for themselves.
Am I saying this clearly? I'm not sure if I'm getting my point across... basically, I'm trying to say that we should try to "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" before we make judgments. Besides, who are we really to judge.

Anyway, enough of all this. I do want to say to those people I've offended, I do apologize. But, I also think you're full of crap if you choose to end a friendship over an innocent misunderstanding. That being said, I do totally forgive, and am more than happy to chat again. We all make mistakes - I'm no better or worse than the next guy (or girl for that matter).

Cheers all.

Ms. Communication

2005-09-21T14:46:00.000-06:00

It seems this lovely Miss is out to destroy all relationships. Isn't it crazy how often communication breaks down and causes strain between friends, family, coworkers, etc. ? And, how one breakdown can put you in a mood that causes you to misinterpret what others say, thus, adding strain on more relationship? Terrible.
It's a strange thing, how when we hear something that causes us to feel offended, our initial response is to react to that offence, instead of judging the character of the person we're talking to. I've been on both ends of this recently - I've reacted to the misinterpretation, and have been misinterpreted... several times. Haven't we all?
It's odd, how we all speak the same language (at least the people I talk to regularly), yet we can't seem to communicate effectively. My friend the Undercover Nerd has recently stated that words, for the most part, have lost their meaning. In a large way, I'm inclined to agree. I think that's why I usually make an effort to choose my words. Unfortunately, I often choose them for their real meaning, which many times has become disconstrued in this time. I guess this often only adds to that terrible Miss' arsenal, doesn't it?

So, does that mean I should conform for unity's sake? I don't think that's the answer b/c Paul, the man we hold responsible for interpreting Christ in the greater part of the New Testament, implores us not to conform to the ways of society; but, that we should be transformed by a new way of thinking.
I want to be careful and precise; and, perhaps I should be a bit more choosy with my words when I'm with certain people. Am I the only one who, when talking with certain people about certain topics, is guaranteed to have a misunderstanding?

I've been watching Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice lately - A&E put it out a few years ago, and my wife just bought it on DVD. I've been very intrigued at how precise and careful they are with their words. Did people really speak like this? We've become so willy-nilly with our word choices; no wonder Miss Communication has been crowned queen! It's easy to wish for another time when communication breakdown is a constant in our time - but, has it ever really been any different?

Maybe I should write a disclaimer here, just to make sure....

This blog was not meant to insult or defame anyone or anything. The words used and thoughts purveyed are of the author only, and not necessarily the views of Blogger, Undercover Nerd, Jane Austen, A&E or the owners of other Blogs linked here... or anyone else I may have mentioned, or alluded to. Please read as objectively as possible.

Soooo tired!

2005-09-15T13:13:00.000-06:00

I don't think I've ever felt so tired. My body aches, and my brain is slow...... and I still have at least another 4 hrs of work left!

It's been a mixed bag, coming back to work after a couple of weeks off. My motivation is pretty much nil. I enjoy what this company stands for, and am excited to see it grow; however, I am finding it hard to actually get off my duff and get out there and make it all happen. I've been here for just over 3 years.... I don't really have anywhere else to go, but I don't have much of a desire to stay. What to do, what to do.

I had a discussion with my wife last night about what to do. I've let my mind wander, and it's found the path of complaint. No good... no good at all. I find myself focusing on what I don't like about this job, instead of the positive aspects of it. I've been in this place before; and, I didn't even struggle to try to change my focus. I was so determined that it's time for a change, that it didn't matter where I let my mind go.
As I've matured some, I have learned that it is always important to keep focused on what really matters. The circumstance of life - good or bad - will always change (Kipling calls both Triumph & Disaster impostors in his poem If...). However, our True Core and the True Calling on our life will never change. "Who am I and what am I hear for?" - that's the question that should drive us! Not, "Oh, I don't want to get up," or "I'm getting rich with this job!"
Like Jesus said, "If you seek My Kingdom first, everything else will come to you. Don't you see that the birds don't worry, the fields aren't concerned? And, aren't you more important to the Father than these? So, don't worry about going after the things of the world, just focus on God and it'll all be OK."

So, let's keep our heads up and move forward unto Glory!

I'm Back!

2005-09-08T13:57:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm back from my honeymoon. What a fantastic vacation!! Now that we're back to 'real life' I'm looking forward to settling in. There is so much newness (if that's not a word, it should be): new house - we've spent the last couple of days unpacking; new job description and new pay raise (should be a lot of fun); new neighbors to meet; new wife!! It's quite refreshing, and almost overwhelming - you know, like when you first jump into a mountain stream. It's fun and scary all at the same time! I'll post some pics of the wedding and from our trip to Mexico when I get a chance.

So long!

2005-08-25T10:19:00.000-06:00

As I ponder the twighlight of single life, I think of many songs - I do that a lot. Many times in life, I like to compare my circumstances to songs or movies or books I've read. I don't know if it 's just a neat quirk I have, or if I am trying to feel included in something bigger than myself. Either way, here are a few of the songs:

Elton John's Candle In The Wind
Billy Joel's Good-bye Hollywood
Billy Joel's These Are The Days
Bryan Adams' Summer of '69

The best thing tho, is not that I'm saying good-bye to the Single Life; but, that I'm moving forward into a new life a life that is not just my own. This is the 'something bigger than myself' that is really making me included!

In two days, WE will be One!

In-laws

2005-08-23T10:38:00.000-06:00

I'm getting married this Saturday, and am looking forward to the new in-laws I will be getting. My parents-in-law are fantastic people, and am quite happy with how we get along. My brother-in-law is become a good friend of mine. And the best-friends-in-law are great! Had a lazy evening w. my bride-to-be and one of her best friends the other night. You know, it's true, sometimes she is funny at night - Michelle, you've got such a great sense of humor; and, I'm looking forward to getting to know you more as the years go on!
Tonight, I'm having dinner w. the in-laws and mom-in-law's parents. I've met them before, but that was years ago, so they need a refresher of who their granddaughter is marrying. From the stories I hear, I'm thinking it should be a good evening, with a good chance of controversy.... I'll try to keep things low-key. :)

They say when you marry someone, you're not just marrying them, but their family as well. Well, I can say this - I am blessed with this new family I'm joining!

Yay for In-laws!

Mini Me

2005-08-17T12:00:00.000-06:00

I found this pic of me (age 2) while I was cleaning up my room. Aren't I adorable?!

Cleaning house

2005-08-17T11:54:00.000-06:00

So, I've got to move in less than a week! Well, it's kinda even sooner. So, last night, from about 10:45 - 12:00 I packed my room up. It's not as bad as most of my friends have dreaded - most everything I have is either still in a box from when I moved back here, or is thrown out. It's the furniture that's going to be the biggest pain. It's all got to go into my garage before I get married, so that the people who have bought my place can move in while I'm gone. Busy, busy!

So, here's to sleepless nights, packing, and rushing toward that glorious day when I answer that wonderful question, "I do!"

Where's the time go?!

2005-08-15T16:22:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's been so long since I've blogged! Over two weeks!! I think that's the longest run since I started on that sunny October day. So what should I write about?

I've not really been pondering much of any depth lately. Mostly, I've had thoughts of finishing the deals on my houses (selling one, buying the other), and how to move it all. The possession date is Aug. 31; however, I am celebrating my nuptual with the beloved Jennifer on Aug. 27, and hastily departing on our honeymoon only two days later - we don't return 'til Sept. 5.... It's quite the situation.
I think I've finally figured out how to move my fish. Yes, that's really been the mainstay of my thoughts, lately. I'm going to be creating my most gorgeous showpiece, yet. I'll be sure to post pics when I get it all set up.
I think that I think I have more time than I really do. I've got this habit of leaving everything 'til the very last minute. It bugs some people, but everything always come thru in the end. I'm not worried... yet!

Some things that are getting my attention in the news these days:

Hockey, hockey, hockey!
Both Telus & CBC have locked out their unions (I think they want to be as popular as hockey is in Canada)
Oil prices are so high - and so is the Canadian Dollar (glad I live in AB - we've got lots of oil!)

Some other headlines catch my eye, but I haven't been too intrigued by much lately (check out Undercover Nerd for a whacked out news story!).

OK, so I'm done. A pathetic post, I know.... I'll have more to say once I get moved and wedded, and all that.

Blog-out!

Vikings threaten Canadian sovereignty

2005-07-29T16:31:00.000-06:00

I don't know if you've been following the news lately, but Canada could soon find itself at war with the Vikings! That's right! The Danish are trying to lay claims to Canadian land.

You can read our side of the story, here:

Hans Island is Canadian!

Am I going to Heaven?

2005-07-26T14:15:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking about the "Freedom" offered by the traditional Christian Church. For the most part, I don't think the Christian religion offers "Freedom" in the sense that I understand it to be - it just offers a bigger cage than normal life. The reason I say this is that I don't believe anyone really understands the True teachings of Jesus - I don't even think Paul (writer of the majority of the Bible's New Testament) totally grasped what Jesus spoke about.
Which brings me to the question of the hour... am I going to Heaven when I die? Are the people I share my beliefs going to Heaven? Are the people who don't share them? Well, according to most in the traditional Christian church - who seem to be the interpreters of the Bible who determine who goes to Heaven or not - I'm safe; however, God's going to be disappointed with me should I head up there now. From what I've heard, He'll look at me and say how disappointed He is in me for what I've done with my life over the last year or so; but, since I believe in His Son, He has to let me in.

I've never been able to grasp the idea of 'disappointing' God, or letting Him down, or making Him angry. He's God. Why should what I do affect Him in any way. That's not to say I think He doesn't care. I believe His One Joy is to reveal Himself to us... to show us how great we can be... to lead us into His Glory. It's been my experience that should we 'miss the mark' with Him, He just offers us the same opportunity time and again, until we get it 'right'. We exist - His design - for the evolution of our souls... for us to attain the greatness of Christ. That's why He gave His Spirit to us. That's why He's continually talking to us in that still, small voice - and, He speaks to everyone! All we have to do is listen.

So, is this attentive ear the key to the Pearly Gates? Who knows?

Right & Wrong

2005-07-18T00:03:00.000-06:00

I just finished watching What The Bleep Do We Know, and am a little more pensive than before I watched; however, it didn't inspire me as I thought it would. What this movie really makes me think about is how did this documentary become a big-screen hit?! I mean, it's a good show that should elicit thought; but, I have a hard time seeing how it appeals to such a massive number of people.
Is this a sign of a societal paradigm shift? There are many things occurring in our (Western) society right now that, to me, seem to be signs of such a shift. There seem to be more forerunners - people going beyond the established norms. In the past, the forerunner was a rarity; however, now, it's quite popular to see people stepping out into something new. In this age, where 'the norm' changes so fast, it has almost become socially acceptable to be a forerunner in any number of fields. We are evolving.
I don't really want to write about any particular paradigm shift right now; but, suffice it to say that my life isn't the only one that's changing. We all are. I believe change is good.