The Christian Dilemma

Today's sermon, along with a great many things happening in my life, have stirred up an unrest in my soul. I hate the place I am at, in a sense. I'd love to say that I'm content with where I'm at. I could very easy love my life, as I seem to have everything figured out. My job is great; my marriage - albeit hard - is great; I'm making more money than I have in a very long time... life is good.
Even spiritually, things are going OK. I'm not totally sold out like I once was; but, I think I can definitely relate to people a lot more, now. I pray often, and am involved in "Christian things" as much, if not more than most - I mean my job is to help people know that God loves them, and I love it!
But, I am stuck in this dilemma. This life I'm living isn't enough. There is something inside of me just screaming to get out; but, it just isn't compatible with where I am in life.

So, what does this mean? Does it mean I'm living a lie? Does it mean I've taken a wrong turn? Have I messed up somehow?
I don't think so.....

I think there was a time where I'd just say, "Screw it!" to the rest of my life, forsaking it all to chase after this thing inside of me. However, I believe the path to where I am at has taught me something important about patience.

There's a saying in Solomon's Song that says, "Don't awaken love before it's time."

The very core nature of my soul is being suppressed right now. And, maybe it's a good thing. There are people encouraging me to just let loose and go for it. But, the Wisdom within me says, "Not yet."
There will be a time when it'll be advantageous to charge ahead full bore. But, right now, it's still better to hold back.
Have you ever seen the movie Hidalgo? They start the race hard, then slow it right down for much of the race. But, in order to win, they had to finish the race going all out. They had to go further and faster than what would kill them.
I feel like I'm just past the very beginning of the race. Even though I want to keep charging ahead, I know that in order to finish the race, I must maintain my current pace for a time.

My core beliefs have not changed throughout this time of drought. I know beyond everything that God is Good; and, that His plans for each of us are beyond anything we can imagine - we just have to stay the coarse. We can't give up. As much as I'd have liked to - especially over this last year - I know that the BEST thing I can do is keep pace... Don't rush ahead, as my heart would have me. Nor, should I relegate to a life of mediocrity, as my soul would say is the only way, now.
No, the best thing to do, is to wait. Let Wisdom be the guide Because, when I am to move ahead, it will kill the man I am now. God's Greatness for any of our lives, causes the execution of the old person we've been for our whole lives; however, It causes the resurrection of the new person we've always yearned to be.

"If I should take happiness from Your Hand, should I accept sorrow too, as well?"
- Kevin Prosch
"Give thanks in every circumstance!"
- St. Paul
"I have plans to prosper you and protect you!"
- God
"Come to me, and I will give you rest."
- Jesus Christ