"You're so amazing!" ... maybe not

I had two very inspiring conversations with a couple of friends over the last couple of days. Both people made some very true remarks about my personality, but they were both the exact opposite. One said that was "truly amazing", the other pointed out that I'm still the self-centered jerk I was in High School.
The reason I say both comments are true is because, I still live differently around certain people. Yes, as much as I'd like to think I'm the same with everyone - "what you see is what you get!" - I still seem to think I have something to prove to some people.

For a certain few, I seem to put on this show that says, "See, I am this wonderful and great guy - I am the leader I've told you I can be..." or something lame like that. For some reason, I'm still looking for approval from some. I think it comes from a sense that I've let them down in my former lives, and have to do something to make them see I am someone better, or just the same, or... whatever.
What's worse, is that in trying to prove myself, I invariably try to improve them! Can you believe it?! Because I'm insecure, I try to make myself feel better by trying to convince them I'm better in some way!
Yet, when I'm with people who I feel accept me as I am, I'm totally cool. I don't push anything, or tell them they should or shouldn't do something. I guess when we don't feel pressure, we can just be.

It all reminds me of a line in Kipling's If... (see More Poetry), about having all people count, but not too much.
For those who read this blog, and I've tried to change you in some way - or at least made you feel in anyway inferior - here's a public apology. I'm sorry I've exalted your opinion too high. You all definitely count, but maybe I should not count so much in my view of your view of me (did I say that right? You know what I mean ).