Where am I?

The other day, I had a friend ask me, "So, where's J?" I thought it was a deep philosophical question, so I started to reply about what I'd been reading in The Way of the Wizard: "I'm nowhere... I'm everywhere...." But, my friends said that's not what they were talking about - I'm not the same person they expected.
Their response really threw me for a loop. Was I acting? Am I not myself, lately? I was really quite perturbed by that response; "Why can't I be who I am right now? Why do I have to be this person that you were expecting?" is what I thought. But, my initial thoughts were not a fair assessment - they were just reaction... me choosing to be insulted.

To be honest, I don't really know where I am. On the surface, almost nothing since September has gone to plan, and it just seems to be getting worse. There is definitely something undesirable under the surface... I find myself feeling inferior to just about everyone I know. Somehow, I have lost my identity.

It's funny... I have been reading about getting past Ego, and moving toward a deeper understanding of life; however, as I am typing this, I realize that it is, in fact, my ego that is causing this identity crisis. My ego says, "I am my job; I am my duties; I am all this stuff." However, the Truth says, "I Am," plain and simple. It doesn't help that I have been spending a lot of time with ego-centred people in the last several months - we become who we hang around with.

So... where am I? I don't know. But, something I've come to realize, even as I have typed this out, is that wherever I am is OK. In fact, it is Good because Someone knows exactly where I am, and He's got it all under control. Control is not my job.