Happiness

A lot of what I've been writing lately, and likely what I'll write in the next little while, has been influenced largely by 2 books: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and the Bible. The former builds on and amplifies truths that come from the Latter.

Something I wrote a while ago, from 7 Habits, paraphrasing Stephen Covey says, "Long-term happiness can only be achieved through delayed gratification." And something I just gleaned today is similar: "Long-term happiness and success are based on the internalizing of right principles."
We live in such a fleeting world... everything is changing at a break-neck speed. Look at the advancements in technology - it seems everyday there is a new device or gadget that allows us to do things quicker or hold more 'stuff' in a smaller space. Or, look at the degradation of morals in our society - stuff that was unheard of just 20 or 30 years ago have been commonplace, and even encouraged (disrespect of adults, blatant/militant extremism, etc.). So many things becoming regularities in our society, every day.

But, according to what I've been reading lately, it's our ability to keep hold of that which lasts and endures that will bring true happiness - a lasting feeling of comfort, instead of the quick-fix, temporary 'comforts' that we see in mainstream society.
I think if we all thought about it for a bit, we'd all choose to hold off gratification for a time if we knew it'd be better a few days/weeks/months down the road. But, I don't think many of us take the time to 'look' down the road that far.
We are so ingrained w. the immediate. It's all got to be done now, we have to feel the pleasure of accomplishment right away. However, if we could just hold off a bit, and 'till the soil' so to speak - give things time to mature - we would see a much more bountiful harvest.

Take relationships for example.

My roommate and I have this 3-year theory. He learned from his dad that it takes about 3 years to really get to know someone. Over the last couple of years, we've seen a number of friends get married after dating for a year or less, and are just now coming up to that 3-year mark. We pray they made good choices in choosing their 'life partners'.
He and I weren't so blessed - at least it doesn't look like it. We've both been in relationships that lasted for 3 years; but, after that, they ended - well, not ended, but definitely changed. Now, there still seems to be a few things left unresolved in both relationships, but neither of us are visibly moving in the direction of marriage w. our former 'significant others'. Will it be the same for our friends? Will they find themselves 'trapped' in marriage? I hope not. I hope they continue to enjoy 'marital bliss'.

But, the reason I bring this up, is that I've seen what marriage has done to my friends; and, for the most part, they've become islands. I just don't see them anymore; and, in my experience, when that happens - when you stop spending meaningful time with more than just one person - things get a bit unhealthy. You become dependent on that one other person to fill a need that once many people filled.
We are social beings, and rely on each other to grow and find fulfillment. If you're familiar with the passage in the Bible from 1Corinthians 12, you know that one finger and one nose do not make up an entire body. But, that's what has happened many times w. my friends.
I wonder... if they had waited, gotten to know their prospective mate a little better - let the relationship mature more before committing to it for life - would their married life contain them so much?
I have learned that if I want to stay healthy - both for myself and my mate - I need to have a varied life. We both need to be active in a community, and not just become an "island couple". If we keep committed to a larger body, we will not strain or drain our relationship w. each other of the life that is there right from the beginning.

I know, it's hard to live without the person who makes you feel like you're on the top of the world. But, if you're going to commit to someone forever - you really should be ready to commit forever. I do believe traditional wedding vows say, "... 'til death do we part," and not "... 'til I don't feel like loving you anymore." If you can't wait a few years to find out if you're compatible w. someone, how are you going to be able to endure the hardships of life and stick it out when they come?

No, delayed gratification is indeed something that is necessary. It builds character, and teaches us to have patience and develop perseverance. It helps us to keep our minds fixed on those things which truly last, and not to be swayed by mere feelings which change w. the ticking of a clock.
Try it, sometime. Put off 'rewarding' yourself until you completely achieve a goal, and see how much more you enjoy and appreciate that reward. Set your heart on the Rock.