Happy New Year!!
How often do we do exactly the opposite of what we know is best for us? I thank the Lord for the friends I have. When my original plans for New Year's Eve fell apart, and I began thinking about how all of my best friends are over 1,000kms away, I started to get depressed. And when I get depressed, I drink - I guess you could say it's my one vice (Ha!).
What I should have done, and what my heart wanted to do, was go to my friend's place where they were going to sing and worship into the New Year; instead, I stayed home and laughed at and cried with the Lord. Thankfully, 2 good friends did do what they could to rescue me. I thank them for coming over and letting me ruin their New Year's Eve. Now they're true friends!!
Last night, I got to thinking about love. Not romance, but true, full love. We're all so pathetic at it. Most of the time we'll only love another so far as to how it benefits ourselves. That's actually what got me in such a funk. I mean, in my life, I only perceive 4 people who truly love me - who bless exactly who I am, who are there for me when I call on them. There may be more, but I'm oblivious to it.
I mean, I can't dump on my other friends - of which, thankfully, there are many - because I'm just the same. I started counting the people I love, and I barely needed a second hand. There are only about 1/2 dozen people I'd drop my life for if it'd help them.
I really wish I could love more; and, it is something I am aspiring to. I thank the Lord that He is teaching me to love more, to give more. Unfortunately, last night was definitely not one of those nights. I mean, I didn't really ask my friends to come over; but, they did. And, I didn't give a single thing... I killed the night for them, and they just let me do it. I'm sure they came over to make sure I didn't do anything crazy (well... too crazy) - one of them thinks I should be committed to an institution, anyway, I'm sure of it! If those men in white coats work on holidays, they may come knocking on my door any moment now!! I don't think I'd resist much.....
Sometimes I just despise my life. But, I've been revealed something from Heaven that will keep me going as long as possible:
God is Good. No matter what. His plan for Life is perfect. He is in control.
Sure, I could definitely choose to react differently. I didn't really need to get all depress last night; but, I let the devil kick me around for a bit - I'm sure I have the bruises to prove it. But, He is Good. My life is Good.
All I did this morning was change the way I look at things. My circumstances are no different; but, I am looking for Him, and He's meeting me.
Lord, you are so wonderful!
I pray that everyone has a great New Year. May your 2005 be full of blessings and joy. They're there, you just have to look for them. And, thanks for putting up with me. :)
posted by J Man @ 9:29 a.m.
5 People have something to say about this
5 Comments:
Hi J!How do you do?
Tonight(this morning!)I came to the internet & then your blog,I feel I miss you too.
I'm happy that your New year Eve expired funny at last.
I searched all the catched files about God in my mind & want to share a part of them with you:
"Zorro (or J,)!..God is a circumference & we are His encircleds,so we are in His presence,He knows everything about us,He can even feel this moment of ours,better than ourself,He loves us in His own way,as He said:(A person who loves you,it's for itself,but I love you for yourself.Don't escape from me.)!,If we love Him,that's enough that our beloved is seenig us & our acts;although if we can't see Him...He has created everything for us & us for Himself."
J!I know all these truths,but unfortunately I don't act like a strong lover in front of Him,and sometimes I feel like an iceseller who is trying to sell his goods on a summery noon,but nobody buys his ices,& at night he has lost all his capital too,I'm also earning nothing! besides loosing my life(capital) with getting away from God.
Somedays I do my best,but I get a little success,I'm sure it's still because I have neglected in my selfcontrol.
Thanks the Lord for a friend like J!;I can talk with you about God,easily.(or I suppose I can)
2005 Blessings!,my brother.
Zorro, I've never met you, yet in some ways you seem closer to me than friends I've had for years. God bless you.
Now, this is no slam at all to my friends - God knows how much I appreciate and love them. Perspective is just a funny thing sometimes....
happy new year to you...i pray i am counted as one that loves you no matter what...cause I do.... M
Secret Agent M, you're definitely in that list. Which is why I mourned so - you were thousands of KMs away when all I wanted to do was give you a big hug!
Probably I'm too late,but thank you,...J.
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