So, I had a really edifying conversation with my Grandfather today. He told me how proud of me that he was, and how I was doing a great job at being a man. He shared with me a bit why he did things, etc. etc. It was pretty cool.
But, it was also very weird. You see, my Grandpa died in 1984.
Now, I don't really know what I believe about ghosts, spirits of the dearly departed, and all that. For the most part, I think the stories we tell each other about how "they're always with us," or "looking down on us with love from Heaven," are just fanciful thoughts we share to comfort one another - I don't put much merit in them at all.
How does this conversation with a man who's been dead for over 20 years fit into my theology? Well, it doesn't. There's a reason why I don't pray to the Saints and Mary.... they're all dead - they didn't rise like Jesus did - they're all still waiting, like the rest of us, for Heaven & Earth to be completely restored.... or, so the story goes.
There are a number of possibilities of what actually happened:
1) I am insane, and was speaking to a voice in my head.
You know, I don't have any problem with this. If I'm coo-coo, so be it. At least, I'm not hurting anyone. In fact, the conversation was very encouraging, and I would love to speak to that voice in my head again, anytime.
2) I was actually speaking to Jesus, but for some reason (probably proximity to my Grandfather's grave) He chose to let me think it was Grandpa.
This thought is somewhat troubling because I usually have a very clear sense as to when it is actually the Lord speaking to me. To be honest, I don't converse with Him as much as I used to, so it is possible that I don't recognize
His voice as well. But, I do still recognize the voice of Truth, which can be spoken by any number of people - and that's what really matters.
3) It was my Grandpa.
How do I know it was him? I don't really have any memories of him - only what I've seen in pictures, and what my family tells me about him (I wasn't even 5 when he died). I guess I have no actual proof that it was my Grandpa; but, from what he said to me, I believe he is who I think he is.
I'm going through a tough time right now, as I'm not really sure what the next step in life is. But, I know I have to take it; in fact, I should have taken it a few months ago.
But, he encouraged me to stay true to myself. He shared with me about how he moved his family around a bit b/c of his job. But, he never moved b/c he was greedy for more money, or was a pawn to his boss. No, everything he did, he did it because he thought it was what's best for his family.
He's quite proud of how I care for my family. He's actually quite proud of his daughter (my mom) for the way her life is. And, my Grandmother - he loves her as much as he ever has. He's so proud of how strong she is. I could feel his smile as he spoke about her; and, he's so happy for her right now.
I asked my Grandpa if he was "always with me." No, he's not. He's still just a man - he's not omnipotent like God. But, he said that he spends some time with all of his family. I asked him if he knew I was going to be where he met me. He said that he did, but that Jesus had told him I'd be there. I asked if he knew Jesus. He said, "not while I was alive; but, I know Him now, and He is AMAZING!" (how's that for crazy theology, you evangelicals??!!) I must admit, that, though the fact that my Grandfather admitted to not knowing Jesus while alive on earth, but being in Heaven goes against what most of my Christian friends believe; but, the fact that he says Jesus is AMAZING... who can argue with that?!
There are some who would say that my conversation with my departed Grandfather was mere insanity; some would say I was, in fact, speaking with an angel or demon. Me... I think it was him. If Jesus could speak with Moses, who died several thousands of years before He was even born, then why can't I speak w. my Grandfather, who's only been gone 20-some years?
Grampa, if you ever read this, thanks for the conversation. I look forward to the next one.
J
