Renewal

I just had one of the deepest prayer times I've had in quite some time. I had some music playing while I prayed, and this is the song it ended on:

Just Like You

I tried to walk on the water, and found myself under the sea;
So with water up my nose, I felt Your hand come to save me.
I've tried to cast out the demons; I've gone to the darkest of regions.
When fear has me shaking, You suddenly break in to save me.

I desire
To be like You
Like any son or daughter
I want to be like my Father
I desire to be like You
You promised to never forsake me
So I'll risk it all if you make me... like You

You stand beside me just waiting, while I try to go it alone
Smiling you say, "Son come here, won't you let me just help you."
But frustrated I try to make, 'cause I've just got something to prove,
Not knowing that it is my weakness that perfects your power.

I desire
To be like You
Like any son or daughter
I want to be like my Father.
I desire to be like You
You promised to never forsake me
So I'll risk it all if you make me.... like You.

- Jason Upton

This song sums up a lot of what my life has been like over the last while. I had traveled with Him to great heights, then thought, "This seems pretty easy, I think I'll go it alone for a while."
Bad move, J.

Sometimes we're so foolish in thinking that all that God has taught us up until now will keep us going higher and faster for the rest of our lives. We never stop to think that what we've learned so far is only enough to keep us at the present state. If we desire more in Life, we must seek more of Life... and Who is Life? Surely, it isn't me or any other man or woman. God is the One who breathed Himself into us all - He is Life!

So, my prayer tonight was:

Restore to me the joy of Your Salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
- Psalm 51

I long to ride on the wind in His wings once again. I will demote myself, and rightfully follow Him as the Commander of the Lord's Army. For only He knows the end from the beginning; and, only He can direct my life into all prosperity - that is, only He can lead me into the Fullness of Life, for that is really what prosperity is.
I purpose to listen more, and lead less.

Your Kingdom come, O Lord
Your will be done!

Amen.

A new era?

Well, it seems some decisions have been made for me over the last several months - decisions I didn't even know had to be made.
Do you remember BeatleJuice the cartoon? In one episode, the skeletons in his closet got out and started telling everyone the truth. Well, that's kind of what has happened over the last 1/2 year or so for me. The big difference, the is that I'm not ashamed of these skeletons. I mean, we all make mistakes - live and learn, right? Not for some, I guess....
The weird thing is that many of these things in my life that have recently come to light don't seem such big deals to me. But, both directly and indirectly I've come to realize that certain circumstances in my life, which weren't explicitly made known, but nor were they kept hidden, are not compatible with certain people I thought were friends.

"How could you do this to me?" is a common question I hear at such times. I respond with, "Do what to you?? You weren't even involved? You're so far removed from the circumstance, I don't understand why you'd even care - especially negatively." Now before you read this and think I'm talking about you specifically, I'm not. I am talking about so many instances of this exact conversation that I've had over the last 10 years or so. Why does it always have to be about you?
This is the biggest problem I have with all of this - some people take EVERYTHING so personally. I heard it said a few years ago that "people rarely do anything to others, they mostly do things for themselves." We need to pull our heads out of our asses and actually think about what is happening in other people's lives. Most of us are just trying to survive. We should try to realize this before we take offense - other people's actions are rarely directed at us; they're more often directed for themselves.
Am I saying this clearly? I'm not sure if I'm getting my point across... basically, I'm trying to say that we should try to "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" before we make judgments. Besides, who are we really to judge.

Anyway, enough of all this. I do want to say to those people I've offended, I do apologize. But, I also think you're full of crap if you choose to end a friendship over an innocent misunderstanding. That being said, I do totally forgive, and am more than happy to chat again. We all make mistakes - I'm no better or worse than the next guy (or girl for that matter).

Cheers all.

Ms. Communication

It seems this lovely Miss is out to destroy all relationships. Isn't it crazy how often communication breaks down and causes strain between friends, family, coworkers, etc. ? And, how one breakdown can put you in a mood that causes you to misinterpret what others say, thus, adding strain on more relationship? Terrible.
It's a strange thing, how when we hear something that causes us to feel offended, our initial response is to react to that offence, instead of judging the character of the person we're talking to. I've been on both ends of this recently - I've reacted to the misinterpretation, and have been misinterpreted... several times. Haven't we all?
It's odd, how we all speak the same language (at least the people I talk to regularly), yet we can't seem to communicate effectively. My friend the Undercover Nerd has recently stated that words, for the most part, have lost their meaning. In a large way, I'm inclined to agree. I think that's why I usually make an effort to choose my words. Unfortunately, I often choose them for their real meaning, which many times has become disconstrued in this time. I guess this often only adds to that terrible Miss' arsenal, doesn't it?

So, does that mean I should conform for unity's sake? I don't think that's the answer b/c Paul, the man we hold responsible for interpreting Christ in the greater part of the New Testament, implores us not to conform to the ways of society; but, that we should be transformed by a new way of thinking.
I want to be careful and precise; and, perhaps I should be a bit more choosy with my words when I'm with certain people. Am I the only one who, when talking with certain people about certain topics, is guaranteed to have a misunderstanding?

I've been watching Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice lately - A&E put it out a few years ago, and my wife just bought it on DVD. I've been very intrigued at how precise and careful they are with their words. Did people really speak like this? We've become so willy-nilly with our word choices; no wonder Miss Communication has been crowned queen! It's easy to wish for another time when communication breakdown is a constant in our time - but, has it ever really been any different?

Maybe I should write a disclaimer here, just to make sure....

This blog was not meant to insult or defame anyone or anything. The words used and thoughts purveyed are of the author only, and not necessarily the views of Blogger, Undercover Nerd, Jane Austen, A&E or the owners of other Blogs linked here... or anyone else I may have mentioned, or alluded to. Please read as objectively as possible.

Soooo tired!

I don't think I've ever felt so tired. My body aches, and my brain is slow...... and I still have at least another 4 hrs of work left!

It's been a mixed bag, coming back to work after a couple of weeks off. My motivation is pretty much nil. I enjoy what this company stands for, and am excited to see it grow; however, I am finding it hard to actually get off my duff and get out there and make it all happen. I've been here for just over 3 years.... I don't really have anywhere else to go, but I don't have much of a desire to stay. What to do, what to do.

I had a discussion with my wife last night about what to do. I've let my mind wander, and it's found the path of complaint. No good... no good at all. I find myself focusing on what I don't like about this job, instead of the positive aspects of it. I've been in this place before; and, I didn't even struggle to try to change my focus. I was so determined that it's time for a change, that it didn't matter where I let my mind go.
As I've matured some, I have learned that it is always important to keep focused on what really matters. The circumstance of life - good or bad - will always change (Kipling calls both Triumph & Disaster impostors in his poem If...). However, our True Core and the True Calling on our life will never change. "Who am I and what am I hear for?" - that's the question that should drive us! Not, "Oh, I don't want to get up," or "I'm getting rich with this job!"
Like Jesus said, "If you seek My Kingdom first, everything else will come to you. Don't you see that the birds don't worry, the fields aren't concerned? And, aren't you more important to the Father than these? So, don't worry about going after the things of the world, just focus on God and it'll all be OK."

So, let's keep our heads up and move forward unto Glory!

I'm Back!

Well, I'm back from my honeymoon. What a fantastic vacation!! Now that we're back to 'real life' I'm looking forward to settling in. There is so much newness (if that's not a word, it should be): new house - we've spent the last couple of days unpacking; new job description and new pay raise (should be a lot of fun); new neighbors to meet; new wife!! It's quite refreshing, and almost overwhelming - you know, like when you first jump into a mountain stream. It's fun and scary all at the same time! I'll post some pics of the wedding and from our trip to Mexico when I get a chance.