More to Life

I love how music inspires! I'm often on the phone at work, yet, as I work, I have one headphone in my ear as I talk to someone on the phone, listening to music. Do I find it distracting? Sometimes. But, for the most part, I do find it inspiring - I'm listening to music as I type right now.
I used to just listen to music right from the speakers, but my coworker - who loves music - finds that it takes him somewhere else, and cannot do his work. I think that's why I listen to music while I work - it does take me somewhere else. I'm not anchored down here in my chair, but, in my soul, I can soar with the Lord as he sings to my heart, both thru Christian & Worship songs, and other songs that are popular in the secular world.
Today, I want to share a great worship song: Robin Mark's When It's All Been Said And Done.


When it's all been said & done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for Truth
Did I live my life for You?

When it's all been said & done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I've done for Love's reward
Will stand the test of time.

Lord Your mercy is so great!
That You look beyond our weakness
And find purest gold in miry clay
Making sinners into saints

I will always sing Your praise
Here on earth and ever after
For You've shown me Heaven's my true home
When it's all been said and done,
You're my life when life is gone

When it's all been said & done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for Truth
Did I live my life for You?
Lord, I live my life for You.

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I remember the first time I heard this song. It gripped my heart. I love how it speaks of something greater in life than just ourselves. I am finding more and more, that if I am the only reason to live, then I may as well not. But, whenever there is a purpose to life that is beyond myself, my heart rises up, and I find True Life! I mean, isn't that what Love is? Giving to something or someone beyond ourselves?
Another reason why I love this song, is because it's got quite the Celtic sound - it was recorded live at a festival called "Revival In Belfast". If you're out and about, I recommend picking this album up - or I think there are some online bookstores that are selling it for cheap ($10 or less). It doesn't sound like everything else that is out there, but has a unique sound that I find refreshing.

Bless you!

Figs & the 3 Year Theory

I had an interesting epiphany this morning. While I sleep, I quite frequently play some music, or something - it seems to help me somehow b/c when I don't play anything, I don't sleep well. Anyway, lately, I've been listening to a reading of the Gospel of Luke; and, this morning, I woke up listening to Chapter 13....

A while ago, one of my roommates and I were talking about relationships - how many of our friends have gotten married, and we were both recently single again after 3 year dating relationships. He shared about the 3 year theory - how it take 3 years to really get to know someone. Unfortunately, or fortunately, our relationships ended after 3 years. We then pondered how our friends would fair, as most of them - who are now married - didn't even know their now-wives as long as we were dating... they're stuck together! Maybe that's a good thing - they're still working on their relationships!!
**Please note, I don't despise that relationship, nor do I think my friends are fools for marrying when they did**

Ok, back to the parable in the Gospel of Luke....
There's this guy - he's like the Owner of a Garden - who has a fig tree that hasn't born fruit for 3 years; so, He decides it's time to chop it down. But, His servant says, "Let me tend to it for one more year - I'll water it and cultivate the soil around it. After that year, then decide if You want to chop it down."

So, should we modify that 3 year theory to a 3yrs + 1? Actually, I think the whole point of that parable is that things aren't necessarily done when we think they are - there's always a chance for redemption. But, ultimately, it's the Gardener's decision when to cut a tree down or not.
Most of us would be inclined to think that God is the One who'll do the chopping; but, I don't think that's the case. He gave the Garden of Eden to Adam - we are the Gardeners... we decide what stays and what goes in the Garden of our Lives. And, I think the Servant - the one who always says, "Don't kill it quite yet, give Me a chance to make it grow," is the Spirit. He's the Redeemer, the One who is able to make Fruit bear on a seemingly void Tree.

There's more I want to say, but I'm typing this intermittently at work... I'll wait 'til I can sink in a good hour or so of thought and typing.

Be blessed, all!

Always a Bridesman, Never A Bride!

Well, it turns out that it may not be as easy to perform the ceremony for my mom's wedding as we thought. So, the alternative is... Bridesman! Ever here of a Bridesman before? Me neither! But, I'm honored!
I've been involved in a few weddings: I've been the Best man, the MC, I've been the date of a Bridesmaid... even thought of getting engaged a couple of times. But, I've never even thought about being a Bridesman.
In case you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about... my mother asked my sister and I to stand with her at the alter. I guess my sister would be the Maiden of Honor, and I would be the... Man of Honor?
My mom's husband will be doing the same with his kids - his daughter will be the Best Woman, and his son will be the Best Man. I already know his daughter will look great in a suit, but how will I look in a dress? Will I be able to find something that both flatters my figure and goes with what the rest of the wedding party is wearing? ROTFLOL, if you have a good imagination!

I am thinking that these are days of inspiration. You see, my mom isn't going for a non-traditional wedding to be weird or different, or to make a point. We all want to be part of something that is ripe with meaning. My mom and dad-to-be both know that this wedding is not just about them and their life together. They aspire to inspire - this wedding is about the Eternal purposes of Life. It's a Big Picture occasion. What this wedding starts doesn't end with the "I do"s, nor with the cutting of the cake. No, this day will effect the hearts of many for the rest of our lives.
And, it's such a blessing to be a part of something like this!

Some thoughts....

I'm sitting here with some time to kill, so I figured I'd do some blogging. I stopped off at a friend's site, and was quite inspired by a post that I'd already read; so, being the blabbing typer that I am, I Commented again (here's the post - http://jillystuff.blogspot.com/2005/01/black-and-white.html#comments - be inspired, too!).

How often are the Ways of God so contrary to what we think they should be? I mean, so often we think we've got it all figured out, when really we're just as confused as the next person - maybe even moreso! Oh, how I wish I could perceive the Spiritual reality - Eternity. We're so trapped by the limitations of Time - at least our perception of Time, anyway.
If only we could truly grasp how God sees everything. He knows the beginning from the end, or is it the other way around?? It's probably both. I think that's why True Wisdom & Maturity is total dependence on God. Only He knows what's best - we're most often left in a guessing game.

I'm inspired to seek the Lord's Way more often after what transpired a couple of days ago when I asked Him about my friend's pregnancy. I mean, all I had to do was ask in faith. And, even though I didn't have much faith in my faith (how ironic!), and had to ask several times and in different ways, He just responded - every time I asked!
But, how can you be sure you're hearing His Voice when you ask? Well, He said to Jeremiah, a few thousand years ago, that He'd write His Word on our hearts; plus, there is about 4,000 years (more, if you want to say Creation was written when the world was created!) worth of Him recorded in the Bible. In all the time of the world, He has never changed! But, I do believe that it is most important to listen to that Still, Small Voice that He whispers in our hearts. If we just go with Scripture, we tend to put Him in the box of our minds, which is infinitely too limited for God! My heart quite often convicts me of this limitation every time I listen to academics, or try to academize Scripture myself.

However, living from our hearts is scary. It's so counter-cultural. We live in such an intelectual world, that anything that cannot be seen in a concrete fashion is just not 'true'. Our society trumpets individualism - we only approach wisdom and maturity as we become more and more individual.
But, if we listen to our heart, it tells us exactly the opposite! Our heart screams, "The Truth is outside the box of intelectualism!" And shouts, "Depend on God, be interdependent with everyone! We're all One with God!"
It sounds so odd, that we shut it down. We stifle that Voice within, and try to fit in - oh, the irony that 'fitting in' means being more alone!
We're all different - and that's a good thing. Actually, that's the only way that we're all the same! Of course, we're all worth the same - each person's life is of equal value. But, each and every one of us has a very unique and completely different contribution to make to Life; and, we have to Be, in order to help society move forward - to draw closer to the Lord. If we do what everyone else is doing, we stop the growth of humanity - Life becomes stagnant. And, if we stop to listen to that Voice in our hearts, we'll very soon realize that it's in our differences that We are Truly strong. As we work as One - because our differences actually compliment each other - we create a synergy that moves us closer to Eternity. I once heard it said that any time a person lives completely from their heart - even if just for a second - they effect the world for Eternity.

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Wow... That was some deep stuff. I pray that it's a blessing to everyone. May the eyes & ears of our hearts be Opened!

More Big News

Wedding bells are in the air! Not mine, of course. But, those two friends who informed me of their nuptials - they're two of the best friends a guy could have - are actually my mom and her fiance. You know, I love them so much, and am so excited for them!
And, to add to all the emotion, there's more! They asked me to perform the ceremony!

I was speechless! I am so honored!

My sister was talking to my mom last night, as well; and, in the two days since we've heard about the wedding, she's got pretty much all of it planned. LOL! We're both so excited for our mom!

Here is my prayer for them:

The goal is for them to become one heart and mind--
Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,
So they might be one heart and mind with us.
Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.
The same glory you gave me, I gave them,
So they'll be as unified and together as we are--
I in them and you in me.
Then they'll be mature in this oneness,
And give the world evidence
That you've sent me and loved them
In the same way you've loved me. Father, I want those you gave me
To be with me, right where I am,
So they can see my glory, the splendor you gave me,
Having loved me
Long before there ever was a world.
Righteous Father, these disciples know
That you sent me on this mission.
I have made your very being known to them--
Who you are and what you do--
And continue to make it known,
So that your love for me
Might be in them
Exactly as I am in them.

These are Words spoken by Jesus when He walked the earth. I hope that they carry the meaning of Eternal Life here.


God bless you two! I love you, so much!

The Day of News

Yesterday was an interesting day. Three friends shared with me 3 very substantial occurrences in their lives:

First, a good friend of mine informed me that she was pregnant! It was interesting b/c a couple of days earlier, she asked me to ask God if she was - kind of to prophetically confirm her suspicions. She thought it might still be too early to tell w/ a test. So, I prayed, and heart, "Yes." Because I've been in a place where my self-confidence isn't as high as it's been, of course I doubted what I heard, so I asked again and got a second affirmative response. Then I decided I wasn't going to 'listen', but try to feel what the right answer was. Everything in me said that she was pregnant. So, I gave her the 'bad news' (not really a 'planned pregnancy'), saying, "I guess we'll find out if I'm a prophet," fully expecting to be way off. Nope! A couple of days later, tests confirmed that she was, indeed, pregnant; and, there was much rejoicing. We both felt this little person is truly a gift, and not a curse at all (no, it's not my kid!!).

Second, I received an email from two other great friends, saying that they - after a year and 1/2 engagement, so far - have decided that they were indeed getting married. How exciting!! Especially, considering I'll be quite involved in this wedding. I can hardly wait!!!

Then, later that night, a few friends stopped by my house unexpectedly - which happens quite frequently, as my roommates and I very openly welcome visitors to come by any time... even if we're not home! It had been a rough day for one, in particular. They found out that morning that they have a disease that more often than not leads to cancer, and is doomed to no less than a year of offensive testing.
Oh, how I lamented in my heart. I couldn't say anything - no words came. They're quite a strong friend, so I thought any words I said to try to bring comfort would come out trite; and, I did not feel strong or faithful enough to pray out loud with them. God, don't let this disease claim this life!!


Is it just coincidence that these 2 announcement come the day after such a transforming realization of myself? I mean, if they had come a week earlier, I'm not sure that I could have rejoiced as much with the first 2 friends, nor even mourned with the 3rd, due to the week emotional state I was in.
Was the revelation a move of God to prepare me to be a better friend to these 3, or was it the change in my consciousness that allowed my friends to be able to tell me these great accounts in their lives? The spiritual realm is something I just don't understand; but, I do believe that it probably has more to do with 'reality' than what we do see and perceive.

Whatever the case, I am so thankful that these friends thought me worthy enough to be among the first people they shared their big news with. It seems that the Lord is answering my prayers, to make me into as good a friend as possible (there's a line in a recent Tim McGraw song - "Live Like You Were Dying" - that says, "I was finally the friend a friend would like to have," that has really inspired me.). Praise you, Jesus!

It really is New Year

I've had some interesting thoughts over the last couple of days. This weekend I watched one of the best concerts I've ever seen - it's the Hell Freezes Over tour for the Eagles. And, the one song that hit me the most was "Heart Of The Matter" - "I think it's about forgiveness".... Check out the Comments section for the lyrics to this song.
Then last night, I had a great discussion with a good friend of mine. Well, it was more of a venting. He probed some of the deeper places of my soul, and forced me to really look at where I've come from and where I'm at. Oh, God am I a hurting mess.

Through both this song, and conversation, I realized one great thing - I still place some responsibility for where my life is on my last girlfriend. However, in speaking some things out, and actually realizing that I feel these things, something broke. I had a great revelation of freedom.
Now, of course, it doesn't make any sense to blame anyone for where we end up - we only get to the places where we are by the choices we've made; but, for some reason I held her accountable. But, in saying that I realized that I made the choices I did, I chose to stall the pursuit of my dreams b/c of love. She did not hold me back, I chose to do what I did. And, it wasn't bad, at all - I don't regret our relationship at all. It was a wonderful time.

But, with this newfound understanding, I am no longer held back by the hurts of the past. I am not the product of what I've done; instead, I am Free. Christ's Blood continues to cleanse the disasters of my life.
When I was trying to figure out what the turning points in my life have been, that have lead me to this place I'm at, I remembered that "all things have passed away, and everything is made new." Theologically, it happened when I said 'yes' to Christ; so, everything that has lead me away from Glory, must have happened after that great and dreadful day (and if I wanted to, I could pinpoint the very day that turn happened). However, I'm not so sure it's the case.... completely.
He continues to make things new - I've been going through a rebirth for a couple of months now. The only way I can describe what I am experience is by comparing it to being Born Again (please forgive the blatant Christian language for a bit - if you don't understand, you'll have to read the New Testament). And last night, as I lay in my bed drifting off to sleep, I was feeling that sensation again. "I really am free. This really is a New Year!"

You see, several months ago, I made a declaration that changed how I see myself - how I live my life. In my heart, because I was frustrated and angry, I threw down my dream - I just pitched it in the dirt. That day in late July was the biggest moment in my slide. I stopped leading my life, and began living a sheep's life - not in the sense of being a Sheep to the Shepherd, but in the sense of just following the trend, what everyone else is doing. I stopped living, and just existing.....
And, since then, I thought that in order to resurrect that dream, the impossible would have to happen. I was doomed to a life w/o hope. But, you know what I discovered last night? My dream is not tied to anything outside of my Heart. Our dreams dwell within us - much like the Light of Christ. It's not connected or dependent upon circumstances or people. It's like a simple command Jesus gave to His disciples: "Fear not. Only believe." That's how simple it is to live the Dream.
I was afraid my Dream was forever lost b/c it was tied to something I couldn't control. But, it isn't at all. I AM FREE!! There is Hope!

Now, for those of you who read this, and believe that our prayers actually do affect the Hand of the Almighty, I want to encourage you to pray for yourselves, and those you know who've lost their Dream - for those who once lived Full and Free, but now dwell in the shadows of the past. Let us war together to see those we love set free from the chains of past pains. Not only is God able, but it's the very reason Jesus died - not only died, but Rose to Live forever - setting all of us free from the clutches of hell.
And, for those of us who've lost the Dream, and become afraid to let it Be again - Fear not! Only Believe!

For those who care

You know, I was just thinking about blogs, and who frequents them. For the most part, the people who comment on this blog are people who know me outside of the online world. The interesting thing is, I think there are only about 3 of the dozen, or so commentors that were referred to this site by myself. The others found it by traveling through various comment sections of other friends' blogs - that's actually how I found my first blog, through another site.
There are only a few blogs that I frequent that I didn't first find through someone else's site - ones that I found in the "Recently Updated" section on the Dashboard. This leads me to think that blogs are really only read by people who care about you, or are actually interested in what you have to say. I think for the most part, the people who frequent this site are the former, since I tend to blab on more than type interesting and meaningful content.

Blogging is an interesting thing. For me, it's a way to express certain things that I either don't have an opportunity to express elsewhere, or don't feel it's a good idea to express around others. Now, since it's mostly friends who frequent this site, there really is no real anonymity; but, it kinda feels that way. Stuff on this site - to me, anyway - somehow feels removed.
But, blogging is also a way for people to know me better. Here, you can get a look at another part of me that doesn't get fully expressed offline, or around certain people. Here, I truly do become all things to all people - or all myself to all people. I don't have to keep switching masks, as we all tend to do when we're around different people. If I wear any mask at all, here, it's just a mask of caution, of contemplation. I don't want to vent too harshly b/c I do care how what I write affects others. But, there is a disclaimer written somewhere in the archives by one of the commentors of this site about reading at your own risk. I think it's written somewhere in the Good Book that we should neither seek to offend, nor take offense.

Unfortunately, tonight, I'm only blogging for the sake of blogging. I haven't written anything in a few days, and I have some time to myself, so I figured I should write something. I hope my ponderings are at least mildly amusing.

Good night, all!

Happy New Year!!

How often do we do exactly the opposite of what we know is best for us? I thank the Lord for the friends I have. When my original plans for New Year's Eve fell apart, and I began thinking about how all of my best friends are over 1,000kms away, I started to get depressed. And when I get depressed, I drink - I guess you could say it's my one vice (Ha!).
What I should have done, and what my heart wanted to do, was go to my friend's place where they were going to sing and worship into the New Year; instead, I stayed home and laughed at and cried with the Lord. Thankfully, 2 good friends did do what they could to rescue me. I thank them for coming over and letting me ruin their New Year's Eve. Now they're true friends!!

Last night, I got to thinking about love. Not romance, but true, full love. We're all so pathetic at it. Most of the time we'll only love another so far as to how it benefits ourselves. That's actually what got me in such a funk. I mean, in my life, I only perceive 4 people who truly love me - who bless exactly who I am, who are there for me when I call on them. There may be more, but I'm oblivious to it.
I mean, I can't dump on my other friends - of which, thankfully, there are many - because I'm just the same. I started counting the people I love, and I barely needed a second hand. There are only about 1/2 dozen people I'd drop my life for if it'd help them.
I really wish I could love more; and, it is something I am aspiring to. I thank the Lord that He is teaching me to love more, to give more. Unfortunately, last night was definitely not one of those nights. I mean, I didn't really ask my friends to come over; but, they did. And, I didn't give a single thing... I killed the night for them, and they just let me do it. I'm sure they came over to make sure I didn't do anything crazy (well... too crazy) - one of them thinks I should be committed to an institution, anyway, I'm sure of it! If those men in white coats work on holidays, they may come knocking on my door any moment now!! I don't think I'd resist much.....

Sometimes I just despise my life. But, I've been revealed something from Heaven that will keep me going as long as possible:

God is Good. No matter what. His plan for Life is perfect. He is in control.

Sure, I could definitely choose to react differently. I didn't really need to get all depress last night; but, I let the devil kick me around for a bit - I'm sure I have the bruises to prove it. But, He is Good. My life is Good.
All I did this morning was change the way I look at things. My circumstances are no different; but, I am looking for Him, and He's meeting me.

Lord, you are so wonderful!

I pray that everyone has a great New Year. May your 2005 be full of blessings and joy. They're there, you just have to look for them. And, thanks for putting up with me. :)