Every Ray

I was just listening to this song, and was marveled - once again - by the lyrical content. I'm sharing the words here, tho to fully capture the fullness of this song, you really must listen to the song. Kevin Prosch is indeed a musical poet.

Mystify, arouse, and confuse me
Shatter all my plans and illusions, that I might lose my way

Don't let me see the path or the light
Until I am ready to be lead
To the harbour of the poor and willing heart

When there seems to be no remedy for darkness
Don't fear to sink into it
Let God reveal Himself in all things, thru faith

And , trust is my gift back to you, God
Believing that if you've washed me in Your Blood
How can I refuse to forgive myself, or anyone else

And, yes I know every circumstance is a gift from You
Your so wise, how can I describe my love for you?

Every ray of God is precious
Every grain of You divine
To be intoxicated in the very heart of God
I cannot add a thing,
nor can I take away
You are all my goodness
There's nothing left to say

Everywhere that I go, there You are
Everywhere that I go, there You are......

Yes I know every circumstance is a gift from You
If I should take Hapiness from Your hand,
Shouldn't I take Sorrow, too, as well?

You took away the idol of my guilt
You're the one who saved me from myself
You taught me how to love,
Forgive the greatest debt

And the mercy you don't give, is the mercy you don't get
The mercy you don't give, is the mercy you don't get......


This whole album is definitely worth buying - Palanquin. Kevin's songs are straight from the heart of a man who's been through hell and back. He knows the anguish of being trapped in sin, yet still being completely in love with the Lord. His music is ministry to any hurting soul.

An interesting text

I've been having some interesting conversations with a few friends lately, and was reminded of a piece of text a friend sent me a few months ago. I want to share that text here. Just to reference, it's primary source is Sun-Tzu's The Art of War, so definitely has an Eastern flavor to it. Though, I do not really believe what most Eastern religions teach, I believe the Lord can still speak to us through any Wise writings. Take it for what you will.
***********************************************

From: The art of Peace, Balance over conflict in Sun-Tzu's The art of war, translated and adapted by Philip Dunn

So when those who come are confident, it is possible to move them further. When they are arrogant, it is possible to begin new lessons. When they are sleeping, it is possible to wake them up.
Therefore, the peaceful warrior hides where she cannot be found, disappears to where she is least expected.

The peaceful warrior will always become a teacher because consciousness, once learned, must give back to life. And the giving to life will invariably be giving back to unconscious beings. There is no pride in this, and the peaceful warrior will not seek out disciples but will be available to others when they seek wisdom.
This sutra simply defines the ways in which the peaceful, conscious warrior will form his or her position as far as being available is concerned.
Those that come to learn with confidence will be sent deeper into their discoveries, while those that are overconfident will get shocks and new learning, too. Those that are asleep will be woken up. And to facilitate this design, the teacher will not easily be found - for if he is displayed, then he sets himself up as a superior. If he is hidden, then the unconscious on will have to work to find him.
All of this part of this is part of the modesty and gentility of the peaceful warrior. There is no manipulation, no format, and no demand. But also hidden in this sutra is the truth of where the true teacher resides - in each of us. We are always our own teachers, but perhaps we need a jolt in the right direction. In India, they call the true teacher "guru". This word has become corrupted by Western fears and attitudes, and by the presence, particularly in America, of false teachers and gurus.
The word "guru" is difficult to translate in a way that makes sense to a Western mind. The phenomenon of the guru is so deeply Indian that no other language of any country is truly capable of translating it effectively. The word "guru" is made up of two words, "gu" and "ru". "Gu" means darkness and "ru" means one who dispels it. "Guru" literally means "the light". If you come across a Buddha or a Jesus, it will be of great help to you in finding your inner light, your guru, because upon seeing Buddha, a great enthusiasm and hope arises: "If it can happen to Buddha," who is just like you - the same body, the same bone - "if it can happen to this man, why not me?" The hope is the beginning. Meeting with the master on the outside is the beginning of a great hope, a great aspiration, so all those who have found the inner light must, out of their resulting compassion, give the light to others in the same way.

Be subtle even to the point of being formless. Be mysterious, even to the point of being silent. Therefore, you mirror those who come to you.

For any teaching, the peaceful, conscious warrior must be the mirror - ie. those that come to learn will see only themselves in the teacher. If the teacher is overburdened with character and ego, so those that come to learn will learn nothing except what they already know. This is the whole basis for all spiritual understanding. False teachers spread their egotistical wings and flap about in deception, while the truly enlightened are free of devices and transparent to all.
The true master will not fulfill your expectations, while a false teacher will tell you exactly what you want to hear. The latter will seduce you because he wants you to be his disciple an not leave him because you, by following him, buttress his ego while he buttresses yours. This is of no value at all in any spiritual process or quest.
With the real master, you have to work hard, and it will be painful sometimes. The real master works on you as a sculptor, chiseling away at you. He takes you apart, chips away, in order to change your habits, to give you a new life. In a very true sense, the true master kills you, because he kills the ego. In effect, he is the source of your death, because only after death is there a chance for resurrection.
You can try this on your own, but it is much tougher, because then there's no on there to help you and give you some encouragement. You have no references, no guide, and the spiritual night gets very dark.
**********************************************************

There are some great nuggets in this text that apply directly to things I've been talking about with other people, it's almost uncanny how they come up. Come back and read this again, especially if you're feeling overly open-minded. Ask God to highlight certain topics or phrases for you as you go through it again - revelation is wonderful!

JM

God in a box - 4 easy payments of $29.95

I had an interesting revelation while walking home today... I'll be unfolding this idea as I type, here - it's still pretty raw - but, I think it's blog worthy; so, here it is.

I was thinking about my friend Ali's blog, as well as my Solomon post, plus several conversations I've had over the past couple of years. And, I thought, "Why would God bind Himself with laws?" We've all heard these laws - they're general church doctrine: God can't be in the presence of sin, God can't help you in a certain area of your life if you continually sin, and other things that God can't do.
Now of course, we all know it's not that God can't do these things - He's God! That'd be stupid to believe He can't do something. He just chooses not to - He's chosen to bind Himself to the Law, right? Any good Christian will tell you it's so.

How self-centered is that?! God is bound! I've always had a real problem with this doctrine, but b/c I couldn't refute it, I just kept my mouth shut. But, He showed me something today. He's not bound Himself - He's bound us! (DUHHHH!!) We're the ones who are bound by laws - spiritual and physical. But, God is above the Law - He established the Law. Can God break the Law? No. That's the very definition of Law - whatever God does/says.
Our focus is backward. It's not that God can't be in the presence of sin - it's the other way around. God is Life - sin is death. Where Life is, death cannot exist. Or, let's use a more concrete, physical analogy... God is Light - sin is darkness. What happens to darkness when it comes into proximity with Light? It disappears! Light never flees from darkness, but darkness always flees from Light.

So, how does this apply to us, in our 'sinful state'? Again, it's a matter of focus. Our natural tendency is to gratify the flesh; however, for most of us, that is in exact opposition to our spiritual tendency, which is to glorify or mirror God. We live in such a natural state that most of us are all but deaf to our spirits - the God-part of ourselves. However, if we change our focus, if we listen to that Still, Small Voice that echoes in our hearts (not our minds), we will begin to see the Light.
If we press ourselves into this Light, we will truly begin to live - we will become like God, walk as Jesus walked.
But, there's still a problem - the box we put God in. We tend to think that if we do sin, or miss the mark (literal Greek meaning), God is disappointed with us. We translate our natural reaction to God, who is Spirit. Doesn't work. I think we assume that b/c we can see or feel Him, He's removed Himself from us. That's not true at all - He's always there. We've just pressed into the dark. But, as soon as you press yourself into the Light, that feeling of distance from God, leaves.
But, the box... Here's where it gets tricky. Because we've put God in a box, we automatically box ourselves. We think that b/c the Law exists - it's how we're bound - we have to jump through hoops to get God's adoration. But, Scripture is clear that it's not the deeds of the Law that gain us heavenly brownie points. These deeds are not the seed, but the fruit. Paul is clear that you cannot gain Salvation - there is no Light switch... it's always on - but, we do have to acknowledge that the Light is on. James tells us that these good deeds are in fact the fruit of our Faith - the deeds don't lead us to the Light, but they flow from the Light in our lives, as we live the Life... as we become more like God.
We become like those we associate with - it's a Law of the soul. Paul tells the Romans that it's a renewing of the mind that transforms us. It's a change of focus - a new way of thinking - that sets us free. I think you know you're making progress - you're in the Light, moving out of darkness - when your automatic response, or reaction/proaction is a good deed.... when you glorify/mirror God, instead of just gratifying your own desires.

Sometimes when I write, I think this blasphemy will get me imprisoned - someday when Canada goes Commie or the US turns Fascist (that'll probably get me into more trouble than anything religious I've written - go figure).

Going out

I love going out!! I don't think it has much to do with the fact that I live with 3 grown men in a house less than 1000 sqft, but it could have some impact on me.

I love eating out - I really enjoy having a sit-down meal with someone to bring me food and drink. I like it b/c I can just relax, if I'm by myself; or, when I'm with someone else, I can focus on them more.

I also like going out to events of many sorts. Last night I went to a comedy act at one of the concert halls in town here - kind of a classy place. I like getting dressed up for things like this - I like looking and feeling like a million bucks!
I think we should all treat ourselves everyonce in a while. I try to do it at least twice a year - I'll get them both in within a few weeks,as I'm going to another show in mid-Nov. Now, if only I could find anyone who'd like to go to a skiing event at the Winspear. Ohterwise, I'll be the 3rd wheel at an event that _I_ planned to attend... That just wouldn't be nice :-s
Anyone wanna come?

Solomon

I was just talking to a friend of mine who is having trouble reconciling what seems like two very different lives, and asked me how I do it. I guess you could say I don't lead the typical Christian life, and have become quite liberal in how I view 'right' and 'wrong'. It's not that I don't believe in sin; the fact is, I believe a whole lot more in Grace. I see myself as using this season in my life to figure things out.
I think I might be going through what Solomon might have gone through. He was said to be the wisest man ever; and, he got wise by experiencing life. "Wisdom is better than gold, and understanding than silver," is what he once wrote to his son.

Now, I know someone's going to come along and say, "But, look what happened to Solomon - he was lead astray by his wives!" Ahhh... but, I'm not married! ;-)
You know, I've thought about this a lot. Am I playing with my own Salvation? Is there a chance that I'll be lost forever? I think if there is, it's very slight. I do believe that eventually, my heart will win out, and I'll know for sure what Truth is.

I think the reason I live the way I do, is because I detest religion. I don't want to have an image of the Truth - I want the real thing.. the Whole Truth. What I've seen religion do - even in my own life - is put up a curtain that looks good, all the while, behind the curtain there is torment. Religion is a trap - it's blinded "God's People" from the Messiah for 2000 yrs.
I would rather have a dissonance in my lifestyle for a season, trying to work out this Life, than to live a life behind a veil, or in a shadow. I've tasted Salvation, I will never run from it. I hear the Lord's voice, and am sure that if I do get too close to the fires of hell, He'll speak up. Not a day goes by that I don't stop and listen to that Still, Small Voice (be it in prayer or in Word).
I see 'improvement', too. I can tell that when I resist sin, it's not b/c I have to fight in my own strength; but, I can feel the strength of the Spirit w/in me rising up, girding up my own spirit to resist the desires of the flesh.
Do I 'win' every time? Not yet. Some would say that I fail miserably every time - but they don't see me every time. It's like it says in 7 Habits - the personal victories come before the public victories.

But, I remember one of the first things I ever asked of the Lord. I asked for the gift of Wisdom. I believe He is honoring my request. I believe that He is leading me, even though I am prone to wander from His guidance every once in a while. I believe I am getting closer to the Goal - to Christ. I believe He is leading me in the way of Solomon.

"Must be nice"

You know, I heard those words a lot when I was in High School - "must be nice". You see, my friends thought I had a pretty easy life, if all I needed to do to ease my emotional pains was to listen to a song or two.
The one that I discovered that almost always set me free was Someday I'll Be Saturday Night by Bon Jovi. Here are the lyrics:

Hey, man I'm alive I'm takin' each day and night at a time
I'm feelin' like a Monday but someday I'll be Saturday night

Hey, my name is Jim, where did I go wrong
My life's a bargain basement, all the good shit's gone
I just can't hold a job, where do I belong
I'm sleeping in my car, my dreams move on

My name is Billy Jean, my love was bought and sold
I'm only sixteen, I feel a hundred years old
My foster daddy went, took my innocence away
The street life ain't much better, but at least I get paid

And Tuesday just might go my way
It can't get worse than yesterday
Thursdays, Fridays ain't been kind
But somehow I'll survive

Hey man I'm alive I'm takin' each day and night at a time
Yeah I'm down, but I know I'll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
Like I ain't got nothin' but this roll of the dice
I'm feelin' like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday night

Now I can't say my name, and tell you where I am
I want to roll myself away, don't know if I can
I wish that I could be in some other time and place
With someone else's soul, someone else's face

Oh, Tuesday just might go my way
It can't get worse than yesterday
Thursdays, Fridays ain't been kind
But somehow I'll survive

Hey, man I'm alive I'm takin' each day and night at a time
Yeah I'm down, but I know I'll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
I'm gonna pick up all the pieces and what's left of my pride
I'm feelin' like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday night

Saturday night
here we go

Some day I'll be Saturday night
I'll be back on my feet, I'll be doin' alright
It may not be tomorrow baby, that's ok
I ain't goin' down, gonna find a way, hey hey hey

Hey man I'm alive I'm takin' each day and night at a time
Yeah, I'm down, but I know I'll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man, gotta live my life
Like I ain't got nothin' but this roll of the dice
I'm feelin' like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday night
I'm feelin' like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday


You see, no matter what crap I go through, it could always be a lot worse. I know the people in this song are fictional, but their stories could very well be real. I would listen to this song - really listen to it - and realize that no matter how crappy things are right now, they'd always get better. Then I'd think, well if they'd get better someday, why not today, and purpose to change my mood.
Now you psycho-analyst types might be thinking, "Man, this guy's got to have a whole bunch of latent anger issues (or some other emotional baggage)." You may be right, but I don't think so. I'm a pretty level guy, who almost always says it how it is. I express my emotions, but know that being in a crappy mood for long does nobody any good. So, I do what I can to consciously change what I can.

Back to the music bit...
I love music. I love to sing most songs from a first person POV. Get into the lyrics, and pretend to be someone else for 3 minutes. Not because my life is boring, but I want to know and experience all I can, and have found that I can actually live vicariously through these songs!
I can be Major Tom speaking to Ground Control, or Living On A Prayer. I can Shine and declare the wonders of the Lord, and Live Like I was Dying. I can Wish it would Rain, and morn the loss of a lover, and Be on Cloud 9.
It's all there. It's all mine. I think my grade 9 English teacher called it a "willing state of disbelief"... or something like that. I choose to momentarily make something real, that isn't.

Lots fun! Try it :)

When it rains, it pours!

You know that saying.... "When it rains, it pours"? That's kinda what life is like for me right now - it's a good thing that I love the rain!
A Prophet once said that if we follow the Lord, He will bless us with more than we can contain. I've felt that kind of blessing with Joy several times over the last couple of weeks. Sometimes, while pondering on the wonders of God, I just start laughing out loud - it's quite the site to see a grown man, sitting in his office giggling like a little kid.
I'm starting to see that same type of blessing at my job. Sales are up, just got promoted, will be seeing a pay raise, more travel. It's all good.

Actually, I think the richest blessing I am seeing is meaningful friendships. I know I was just complaining that nobody keeps me accountable - but, you know what? - I am learning how to truly love people for who they are, and the fruit from that seed is making itself evident. Even friendships that looked like they were going to go sour are becoming a blessing in my life. Friends from days long ago are back, and our friendships are stronger than ever.
Even when the "fit hits the shan", so-to-speak, and there is a need for confrontation, words change as they come out of my mouth. When I want to complain about how a friend has been treating me, I end up asking how they're doing, and if there is anything I can do to help ease the stresses in their lives. It's fantastic!

It's like that Phil Collins song, or maybe it was Jimmy Durant... I forget, but it's a song about rain, and I like it. :-P

Christian Clubbing

For anyone interested in the club scene but don't like the obscene music and smelling like an ashtray afterward, Edmonton is going to see a new Christian Night Club. It'll be open Saturdays, to start, beginning Oct. 23. It's called Synergy, and will be open 8 pm - 12 am at 1201 Milbourne Rd. Maybe I'll see you there?

Deliverance

You know, I'm a bit disappointed in Yahoo!'s Launchcast Radio. I remember when I found it a few years ago - all the free online music I wanted; however, after a recent desire (or ability) to listen to music at work, I have found that they want me to pay to listen to the songs I like. So, to try to get around it, I found an artist that I wanted to listen to today - it's the Billy Joel Fan Station. Well, it started out OK.... I heard Piano Man 3 times in the first 7 songs, then for the last hour, they've played everything but Billy Joel! I'm still waiting to hear the song I Go To extremes - I was singing it in my head this morning (hey, I just got Extreme... More Than Words).

Now, I'm trying to figure out why this lack of deliverance is getting me riled up, so.... I am reminded of something that I've heard from several wise people, who said that when things get you agitated, it's really a reflection of something you don't like in yourself.
So, do I say I'll deliver, and fall short? Absolutely. Do I dislike that about myself? Sure, of course I do! But, it is something that I'm working on.
7 Habits tells us in order to see those public victories, we first need to attain some private victories. When I say to myself, I'm going to be here, or do this, I try to keep account. It's a tough road. Everywhere I look, integrity is being compromised; but, like my favorite poem says, I have to take the road less traveled.
I used to have a good friend who'd really ride me - keeping me accountable - but, I think I didn't come thru a few too many times, and they gave up on me. I think what happened, is that I got too disappointed in myself, and would take it out on them. Not good. We're still friends, but there isn't any real accountability there anymore.
There is another friend that I work on accountability with, but it's mostly me keeping them accountable. There really aren't many people who keep me in check. But, that's kinda how my life has been. Kind of a lone wolf.
I've made bold declarations in the past, and have asked close friends to keep me accountable, but nothing ever comes out of that... Damn, I hate apathy! (yes, another thing I struggle w. too :-s)....

Oh well, such is life. I that the Lord that I hear His Voice. He never lets go, and is always there to keep me going in the right direction. It's wonderful to have a Friend who is always there, and is always True to Their Word.

Cursed blog!

This is no longer holy ground for me. I have found that this space is no longer open for free-flowing ideas - I am mentally editing what I write now. I don't blame it on anyone, but myself. I think a comment that Ali posted in Dating Game is true, and more general than its context there. People will always feel, and I care about what ppl feel. I'm not so concerned w. what they think of me, but I don't want to hurt anyone.

To quote Bon Jovi, "No man is an island." I have these fantasies of how life could/should be; however, one cannot live a life alone. We are all vitally connected to one another. And, in my experience, my ideas are just too unique to be implemented in community. Perhaps if I was the cold no-carer that I used to be, it'd be easy enough to just say, "Fuck it all!" and go find a nice deserted island. But, I love; therefore, I cannot separate myself from others.

I guess now is not the time to change the world.


I'll keep posting, for sure. I love this creative outlet. However, I'll keep those most bizarre ideas to myself. A month here, and I couldn't even get started! Oh, how I would for a space of freedom!

More Poetry

This is by far my favorite piece of prose. I have been divinely inspired by this poem on many occasions, tho I'm not sure if RF was a man of the Spirit himself. Enjoy.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has maid all the difference.

- Robert Frost

Sunday Morning

I did a foolish thing the other day... I picked up my old Anthology of Poetry, and just started reading. I read some T.S. Elliot, and some Robert Frost (Frost's The Road Not Taken is my favorite poem). Then, just fumbling through the pages and came across a man named Wallace Stevens. Here's his poem called Sunday Morning. Read it over a few times, let the words sink in - look up words that you don't know. It's quite a fantastic work.

Sunday Morning

1
Complacencies of the peignoir, and late
Coffee and oranges in a sunny chair,
And the green freedom of a cockatoo
Upon a rug mingle to dissipate
The holy hush of ancient sacrifice.
She dreams a little, and she feels the dark
Encroachment of that old catastrophe,
As a calm darkens among water-lights.
The pungent oranges and bright, green wings
Seem things in some procession of the dead,
Winding across wide water, without sound.
The day is like wide water, without sound.
Stilled for the passing of her dreaming feet
Over the seas, to silent Palestine,
Dominion of the blood and sepulchre.

2
Why should she give her bounty to the dead?
What is divinity if it can come
Only in silent shadows and in dreams?
Shall she not find in comforts of the sun,
In pungent fruit and bright green wings, or else
In any balm or beauty of the earth,
Things to be cherished like the thought of heaven?
Divinity must live within herself:
Passions of rain, or moods in falling snow;
Grievings in loneliness, or unsubdued
Elations when the forest blooms; gusty
Emotions on wet roads on autumn nights;
All pleasures and all pains, remembering
The bough of summer and the winter branch.
These are the measure destined for her soul.

3
Jove in eh clouds had his inhuman birth.
No mother suckled him, no sweet land gave
Large-mannered motions to his mythy mind.
He moved among us, as a muttering kin,
Magnificent, would move among his hinds,
Until our blood, commingling, virginal
With heaven, brought such requital to desire
The very hinds discerned it, in a star.
Shall our blood fail? Or shall it come to be
The blood of paradise? And shall the earth
Seem all of paradise that we shall know?
The sky will be much friendlier then than now,
A part of labor and a part of pain,
And next in glory to enduring love,
Not this dividing and indifferent blue.

4
She says, "I am content when wakened birds
Before they fly, test the reality
Of misty fields, by their sweet questionings;
But when the birds are gone, and their warm fields
Return no more, where, then, is paradise?"
There is not any haunt of prophecy,
Nor any old chimera of the grave,
Neither the golden underground, nor isle
Melodious, where spirits gat them home,
Nor visionary south, nor cloudy palm,
Remote on heaven's hill, that has endured
As April's green endures; or will endure
Like her remembrance of awakened birds,
Or her desire for June and evening, tipped
By the consummation of the swallow's wings.

5
She says, "But in contentment I still feel
The need of some imperishable bliss."
Death is the mother of beauty; hence from her,
Alone, shall come fulfillment to our dreams
And our desires. Although she strews the leaves
Of sure obliteration on our paths,
The path sick sorrow took, the many paths
Where triumph rang its brassy phrase, or love
Whispered a little out of tenderness,
She makes the willow shiver in the sun
For maidens who were wont to sit and gaze
Upon the grass, relinquished to their feet.
She causes boys to pile new plums and pears
On disregarded plate. The maidens taste
And stray impassioned in the littering leaves.

6
Is there no change of death in paradise?
Does ripe fruit never fall? Or do the boughs
Hang always heavy in that perfect sky,
Unchanging, yet so like our perishing earth,
With rivers like our own that seek for seas
They never find, the same receding shores
That never touch with inarticulate pang?
Why set pear upon those river-banks
Or spice the shores with odors of the plum?
Alas, that they should wear our colors there,
The silken weavings of our afternoons,
And pick the strings of our insipid lutes!
Death is the mother of beauty, mystical,
Within whose burning bosom we devise
Our earthly mothers waiting, sleeplessly.

7
Supple and turbulent, a ring of men
Shall chant in orgy on a summer morn
Their boisterous devotion to the sun,
Not as a god, but as a god might be,
Naked among them, like a savage source.
Their chant shall be a chant of paradise,
Out of their blood, returning to the sky;
And in their chant shall enter, voice by voice,
The windy lake wherein their lord delights,
The trees, like serafin, and echoing hills,
That choir among themselves long afterward.
They shall know well the heavenly fellowship
Of men that perish and of summer morn.
And whence they came and whither they shall go
The dew upon their feet shall manifest.

8
She hears, upon that water without sound,
A voice that cries, "The tomb in Palestine
Is not the porch of spirits lingering.
It is the grave of Jesus, where he lay."
We live in an old chaos of the sun,
Or old dependency of day and night,
Or island solitude, unsponsored, free,
Of that wide water, inescapable.
Deer walk upon our mountains, and the quail
Whistle about us their spontaneous cries;
Sweet berries ripen in the wilderness;
And, in the isolation of the sky,
At evening, casual flocks of pigeons make
Ambiguous undulations as they sink,
Downward to darkness, on extended wings.



It's long and maybe a bit heady, but I love it. The imagery is cool. If you can't get some of the words, or meanings, just ask in the comments section. I'll answer there.

The Dating Game

I think the rules of the Game of Dating have changed in the last couple of decades. I am finding that what is now refered to as Dating used to be called Going Steady several years ago. I think the idea of monogamy has been taken just a tad to far in the society of our young people.
Now, don't misunderstand me - I'm no polygamist. I fully believe that the best form of marriage is one man and one woman, to mature together becoming like one. But, I think it takes time to find who that person is.
I remember my days in High School (I'm 25 now), when I didn't want to be tied down to one girl, but play the field. Now, sure then, I was just out for meat; but, I think I was on to something. I figured it would sure cut down on all the hastle of jealousy. I think I got this idea from a Beach Boys song: "None of the guys go steady b/c it wouldn't be right, to leave the best girl home on a Saturday night..." No more of this "cheeting" BS - we weren't mature for such heavy responsibilites then.
However, nobody else would play by my rules - you "went out" with one person at a time. And, these relationship usually stuck 'til either (or both) of the parties were sick of the other. But, this is how it goes. This is the way the Game is played. And now, our marriages end up just like every other Dating Relationship we've been in. We've developed the habit of just breaking up when things get hard. A lot of my friends might have done better not to have gotten married in the first place - or even started Dating (or Going Steady, or whatever you want to call it).

I see Casual Dating as a viable way to find out what you like and don't like in the opposite sex, as well as a way to learn how to be a Man (or Woman, should that be the case for you) - that is how to treat them right.
Now, I haven't been testing this theory very long; but, my hypothesis is that in Dating Casually, I should be able to find the characteristics that I like in a woman, as well as find out, generally, how woman like to be treated, without the devistation that has come time and again from that "break-up".
There is a lot of Freedom in Casual Dating b/c the rejection factor isn't as intense. If we are seeing more than one person, and haven't put our all into a certain relationship, the pain that does come will be less, and diffused among the other relationships. It's easier to apply what we've just learned b/c we don't have to wait to get back on our feet to get back in the Game - we're still in it. It's just one Play that didn't work, there's still plenty of Game left to win.
Casual Dating also affirms ourselves. We become more confident in ourselves, becoming more complete people. Then, when the time does come to settle down with that Special Someone, we'll have more to give - we won't rely so much on the other person to make us feel complete.
True synergy can happen, and the two of us can be greater than each of us alone. Now, this does happen in most marriages; however, we're so incomplete, that it's the incompleteness that is magnified. But, if we've gone through the process, we'll find a greater appreciation of ourselves, and be able to find the person who compliments our own strengths, and supliments the places where we're weak.

Now, this is all still theory, for the most part. I am just starting to impliment the idea, so I encourage feedback, and I'll keep you posted as to how it all turns out.

Cheers, All!

More on Time

If you think about it, there are biblical accounts of people transcending time. I can think of at least 3 ppl who've been recorded as doing so.

Of course, it's Jesus who's done the most. He walked the earth in human form for a specific period of "Time" - namely about 2000 yrs ago for 33yrs. However, there are people who've seen him throughout history.

Joshua saw him when the Israelites were about to take Jericho (the historic taking of the most fortified city in the ancient near east). My theory is this: even though it was thousands of years before Jesus' earthly existence, he had the ability - the revelation - to be able to move outside of "Time's" boundaries.
Go back to the meter stick analogy. Joshua is (or was) at like 20cm, while Jesus is (was) closer to 80cm, timewise. But, in space - that is actual location - they are in the same place. So, if different "Times" actually coexist independently at the same moment forever, they should be able to meet like this.
Jesus also met with Daniel, and countless times with Moses. In the account of Numbers in the Old testament, it is told that Moses met with the Lord face-to-face; and, it's in Paul's New Testament writings that we are told that Jesus is the physical manifestation of God Almighty.

Other people to transcend the boundaries of "Time" are Moses and Elijah. They actually, physically met with Jesus thousands of year past their earthly ministry. These two men were seen with Jesus by 3 others that were totally dumbfounded.

There are other accounts - people seeing visions of people or battles from years long past, thinking they've hallucinated. But, what if they're just transcending "Time"?

Now, don't ask me how we do this - transcend time - I'm still working with this theory. I am not even totally convinced that it's true. It's making sense to me right now, but I am open to the fact that it might be complete bunk, or just a very small piece of the truth of "Time".

Ponder it... leave your thoughts in the comments area - if you don't have a username and password, use the anonymous function.

Cheers!

Time... it's on my side

Ok... I wasn't' going to write about this quite yet, but I can't stop thinking about it. I was just visiting my friend's blog - the undercover-nerd - and she has written about her theory of what Time is. Is it a line? Is it a circle? Is it a combination - a kind of looping/corkscrew line?
I'm inclining more and more to the idea that Time doesn't really exist. That what we perceive as Time is more like an infinite number of linked "Now's". This theory helps me understand a lot of the New Testament language - especially, Paul's writings which place us in Heaven, in a past tense. He doesn't refer to our heavenly existence as a future event, but says we have been raised w. Christ, seated in heavenly places.

I guess the way I picture it, is that "Time" as we perceive it is linear; however, we're not actually on the time line. We have a "God perspective". We know that God "sees the end from the beginning" - that is, He knows how a certain 'event' is going to turn out, even before it starts. It's like He has the "Line of Time" set out before Him on a table - picture a meter stick... He can see the beginning of the stick and the end at the same time - 1 cm (or 0) is when an event begins and 100 cm is the end; except this 'event' is Time.
Each cm is in itself a separate mark, and co-exists at the same time as every other mark on that meter stick. However, if you shrunk yourself down and stood on the 20 cm mark and started walking toward the end, it would take "Time" to reach 100 cm, even tho it already exists as you stand at 20 cm.

But, it's all about perspective. That's what Faith is about. Christians believe in God and who Jesus is, even though we've never seen or met Him. In the letter written to the Hebrews, the author says, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of that which is not yet seen." The way I understand that teaching is that Faith is taking hold of the spiritual reality before it becomes physically manifested.
So, to apply Faith to the "no Time" theory, I believe that Time doesn't exist (ie. the 'spiritual reality'), even though in a physical sense it does, in fact, seem to exist.
It's like Paul's teaching (which, BTW, Peter says is quite hard to understand - especially w. the understanding of Natural Science 2000 yrs ago). The spiritual reality is that we are seated in Heaven (by Faith), but the physical perception is that we're stuck here on the earth.

I know, this could probably use more and deeper explanation, but I need another shot of coffee to get those neurons firing a bit faster. Maybe I'll write more later...

Source of frustration

I just had what seemed like an innocent conversation, but it made me frustrated as hell. Why is that? I mean, sure the person I was talking to was pushing buttons, and in their own demented way, I'm sure they had fun imagining my brain boiling.
But, I'm wondering where this frustration came from. Stuff like constantly asking the same question over and over and over again usually doesn't make a difference - I either answer the question or I don't w/o feeling good or bad. But, this time it just drove me nuts.
I think it's b/c I felt taken advantage of, which is my own fault. I'm a pretty open guy, and share a lot - almost everything w. my friends. Which is probably why this person kept pushing. They're used to me talking about everything and everything.
I guess what's gotten me uptight is when I ask someone something and they don't want to talk about it, I let it slide after a couple of times. I mean sometime people say they don't want to talk about things to test how much you care. But, when they don't open up after a couple of attempts, I assume (bad word - makes an ASS out of U and ME) they're like me and really don't want to talk about it.
For me, I figure I'm open enough - what I do tell should be more than enough. But, we're not like that really, are we? When we do get something we like, we always want more - we're not satisfied w. just a taste... even if that taste is almost too much to handle. Just a bunch of junkies.

Anyway... this was just a rant. I'm not pissed off at my friend, or anything. Maybe more disappointed in myself for letting a little thing like that get to me. I'll do a little soul-searchin tonight to see if there is some underlying root here - or maybe I'm just tired. Both are OK... and both will be remedied sooner or later.

Happy reading.

Happiness

A lot of what I've been writing lately, and likely what I'll write in the next little while, has been influenced largely by 2 books: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and the Bible. The former builds on and amplifies truths that come from the Latter.

Something I wrote a while ago, from 7 Habits, paraphrasing Stephen Covey says, "Long-term happiness can only be achieved through delayed gratification." And something I just gleaned today is similar: "Long-term happiness and success are based on the internalizing of right principles."
We live in such a fleeting world... everything is changing at a break-neck speed. Look at the advancements in technology - it seems everyday there is a new device or gadget that allows us to do things quicker or hold more 'stuff' in a smaller space. Or, look at the degradation of morals in our society - stuff that was unheard of just 20 or 30 years ago have been commonplace, and even encouraged (disrespect of adults, blatant/militant extremism, etc.). So many things becoming regularities in our society, every day.

But, according to what I've been reading lately, it's our ability to keep hold of that which lasts and endures that will bring true happiness - a lasting feeling of comfort, instead of the quick-fix, temporary 'comforts' that we see in mainstream society.
I think if we all thought about it for a bit, we'd all choose to hold off gratification for a time if we knew it'd be better a few days/weeks/months down the road. But, I don't think many of us take the time to 'look' down the road that far.
We are so ingrained w. the immediate. It's all got to be done now, we have to feel the pleasure of accomplishment right away. However, if we could just hold off a bit, and 'till the soil' so to speak - give things time to mature - we would see a much more bountiful harvest.

Take relationships for example.

My roommate and I have this 3-year theory. He learned from his dad that it takes about 3 years to really get to know someone. Over the last couple of years, we've seen a number of friends get married after dating for a year or less, and are just now coming up to that 3-year mark. We pray they made good choices in choosing their 'life partners'.
He and I weren't so blessed - at least it doesn't look like it. We've both been in relationships that lasted for 3 years; but, after that, they ended - well, not ended, but definitely changed. Now, there still seems to be a few things left unresolved in both relationships, but neither of us are visibly moving in the direction of marriage w. our former 'significant others'. Will it be the same for our friends? Will they find themselves 'trapped' in marriage? I hope not. I hope they continue to enjoy 'marital bliss'.

But, the reason I bring this up, is that I've seen what marriage has done to my friends; and, for the most part, they've become islands. I just don't see them anymore; and, in my experience, when that happens - when you stop spending meaningful time with more than just one person - things get a bit unhealthy. You become dependent on that one other person to fill a need that once many people filled.
We are social beings, and rely on each other to grow and find fulfillment. If you're familiar with the passage in the Bible from 1Corinthians 12, you know that one finger and one nose do not make up an entire body. But, that's what has happened many times w. my friends.
I wonder... if they had waited, gotten to know their prospective mate a little better - let the relationship mature more before committing to it for life - would their married life contain them so much?
I have learned that if I want to stay healthy - both for myself and my mate - I need to have a varied life. We both need to be active in a community, and not just become an "island couple". If we keep committed to a larger body, we will not strain or drain our relationship w. each other of the life that is there right from the beginning.

I know, it's hard to live without the person who makes you feel like you're on the top of the world. But, if you're going to commit to someone forever - you really should be ready to commit forever. I do believe traditional wedding vows say, "... 'til death do we part," and not "... 'til I don't feel like loving you anymore." If you can't wait a few years to find out if you're compatible w. someone, how are you going to be able to endure the hardships of life and stick it out when they come?

No, delayed gratification is indeed something that is necessary. It builds character, and teaches us to have patience and develop perseverance. It helps us to keep our minds fixed on those things which truly last, and not to be swayed by mere feelings which change w. the ticking of a clock.
Try it, sometime. Put off 'rewarding' yourself until you completely achieve a goal, and see how much more you enjoy and appreciate that reward. Set your heart on the Rock.

Not So Hott

Well, I found out why all the girls are asking me if they're the one I was talking about in "When's the right time to move forward?". It's not b/c I'm so hott, after all. They're all freaked out by the idea of my roomies and I adopting a kid ("New Train"). I guess the thought of 4 guys rescuing a child from loneliness isn't so appealing to them - women can be so cold hearted!! ;-)
I think the main reason why they aren't so keen on the idea is that we've found a way around them. As much as guys like the physical stuff, I think our primal urge for progeny wins out. I think deep down, we want to be dads more than we want to be husbands.
I think the idea of raising a child appeals to most of us. I almost received an "indecent proposal" the other week regarding this very topic. After a great conversation w. a good friend of mine, she almost asked me to father a child with her! Now, you think a kid living w. 4 dads is weird? How about growing up w. parents who are totally happy and get along well, but aren't physically attracted to each other - maybe even dating other people? Actually, that doesn't sound so weird... except for the part where the parents like each other.

God, our relationships are so messed up!

I can't wait 'til we uncover more about the idea of cultural interdependence. Right now, everything in our culture revolves around the individual. "You do what's good for you. I'll do what's good for me."
There is a better way - I believe. "We will do what's best for us." And that "us" isn't limited to a select few. Interdependence relies on all of us working together for the collective good.
I know, I know... now you're thinking, "Great! Another left-wing Commie idealist." But, that's not where I'm coming from, at all. I'd say I'm more of a right-wing Responsible Capitalism idealist. I am all for the idea of Free Trade; however, if all we're focused on is ourselves, we end up w. highly skewed social classes.
I do agree w. the rich sharing their wealth w. the poor; however, I'd much rather see the rich sharing their knowledge w. the poor. That's would benefit society much more.
The Robin Hood idea isn't the best b/c not all rich ppl are crooks; in fact, most ppl become wealthy thru hard work and following good values. So, if we just 'rob from the rich and give to the poor', we don't really change anything. The rich just find ways around the tax laws, and the poor stay dependent on hand-outs. However, if we grow the knowledge base, everyone learns how to better their lives, increasing our cultural effectiveness.
It's when we work together building on each other's strengths and compensating for each other's weaknesses, that we truly effect change. This is the premise of interdependence. We still value our individualism, but it is superseded by the "Greater Good"... doing what's best for everyone, and not just what feels good.

Again, if you haven't picked up a copy, check out 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (I should see about getting some of their ad budget!). It's well worth the investment - growing yourself and our culture.

Maybe this little rant will help show those ladies that I'm not such a wacko (or maybe it'll confirm it even more!?).

Girls are funny

You know, I shouldn't have mentioned that certain lady I'm interested in (see "When's the right time to move forward?")... now all my female friends who read this think it's them. I think I really need to change the way I act around them all, if this is the effect I'm having.
I mean, of course the comment about me being irresistible if I wanted to be is most likely what's got them going. And the fact that I just respond to them w. "what if it is you." doesn't help much, I suppose.
Maybe this "What if" idea shouldn't be used in all situations. But, it always makes me think about my future, and the possibilities that are out there. Is there more than one "Mrs. Right" for each gut? Or, is there only one woman that God has for each of us?
I'm more inclined to think that there probably is a best match; but, I'm also sure that no matter who I marry, it'll be so wonderful. Yes, I know most marriages end in divorce these days; but, I'm not like most people. And, I'm sure she's not going to be Miss Normal, either.

Anyway, back to the subject of this message....

Why do women always seem to think they have it all figured out? I guess I can't blame them. I mean everyone thinks that - man or woman - don't they? It's the North American way, isn't it?
Actually, come to think of it, women are a lot like baby chickens (read "Chicks!" below)... but, I won't go there. You can draw your own conclusions.

I guess I shouldn't laugh or make fun of anyone. I mean, I've been making post after post about how I'm trying to learn what life is really about. I just wish there was something I could do to help people realize that it's ok that we don't know it all.
I am actually finding it quite liberating knowing that I don't have it all figured out - there's a lot of pressure taken off. I don't have to 'perform to standard' anymore... well... I'm a work in progress. I haven't arrived by any means. But, I know I'm coming along.

Anyway... I'll try not to laugh at girls so often... :-D

Chicks!

Now, I'm sure you're thinking that I'm gonna be giving you my opinion about women. Well, I'm not. I'm gonna share about baby chickens....

Chicks are just so weird. You know, you see them, and they're just so cute. All you want to do is cuddle with them, always hold them b/c they're so soft, and they smell good too.
You ever been to one of those chick barns? They're everywhere, and they all look so adorable - you just want to take them all home w. you. You get these thoughts in your head that it'd be so cool to sleep w. them all at the same time - if you could ever get them to stay still! But, just think... you're whole bed would be filled w. these soft, sweet smelling chicks!

But, you know what? They don't stay that way. Chicks don't stay chicks - they're not cute and cuddly forever. That phase wears off right quick - it usually only lasts a few weeks... maybe a month or two. They go from looking to you for love and affection to trying to become Cock of the Roost. They try to boss you around, pecking at you when they don't get your way, and driving you nuts!!
And, they don't look as cute as they did when you first saw them. Your friends start asking you what you ever saw in that bird. For some reason, their looks just disappear - do they just stop caring about being cute? I mean, it's more than just their appearance... it's that attitude. I mean, it's just ugly!!
You start to wish you'd never brought that chick home in the first place. But, what do you do now? You can't just get rid of it... I mean it's a living creature, too. That'd just be totally cold-hearted. So, you're stuck w. it, and hope that this ugliness doesn't last for ever.

The good thing is, the ugliness does fade. But, what happens is almost worse. That ugly bird turns into a full grown chicken. You ever notice how chickens worry about everything? Remember Chicken Little? "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" All that clucking is worse than the pecking! At least w. the pecking, you have some scars to show for it; this clucking just gives you a headache and drives you crazy!
You start thinking that maybe you should just eat this bird and get it over with. You can't go back after you've done that - you're either stuck w. it forever, or it just doesn't agree w. you, and it's out of you life for just as long.
But, be warned! If you haven't eaten it by now, it's not going to taste that good. It's much better to eat them when they're chicks. They're still quite supple and juicy. If you've waited 'til they're a chicken, first you'll be hard pressed to get that bird in the pot; then, you'll be sorely disappointed w. the taste. It'll be a tad bitter, and not as juicy as you'd hoped.

No, I'm thinking the best thing we can do w. chicks is leave them in the barn. People probably shouldn't be taking things home that they just don't know a whole lot about. That's why I'm sticking with fish.

Now, if I could just figure out women!